Tuesday, May 22, 2012

My perspective on dating/courtship

You know how when you are looking for something, you usually find something else that you lost? 

You know how sometimes when you focus on getting something, you can't always achieve it, but when you stop trying and just do something else, the thing you wanted just happens? 

That's kind of like my perspective on courtship/dating. 

When we see two people get married, what we see is "Girl meets guy." So when we come to the point where we want marriage for ourselves, we tend to naturally think in terms of "girl pursues guy." But then we are taught that a godly girl doesn't do it like that, so we revise our plan of action to "girl waits for guy to pursue her." She may wait and wait and nothing happens. She may eventually give up and go back to plan A (girl pursues guy), or she may try any number of other variations ("Girl seeks to attract guy," "Girl pursues the guy's family," "Girl pursues education or other accomplishments," "Girl pretends she doesn't care about guy and works really hard to look busy" etc. etc. etc.). 

I throw the whole system out. My perspective is nothing like that. 

In my system, it's "girl pursues Jesus." I forget about the guy. All the energy that others throw into waiting, hoping, planning, dreaming, I throw into pursuing Jesus. I pursue Jesus so hard that there is no room for even realizing that I could be waiting, hoping, planning, or dreaming about a guy. I love Jesus so passionately there is no void in my soul that I'm waiting for a guy to fill. I delight in Jesus so completely that the supposed charms of a guy look rather tarnished and shabby by comparison. I gaze so steadfastly at Jesus that my eyes have no wish to meander around toward all the guys nearby. And I find all the happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction that I need. 

I trust Jesus. I leave the matter of bringing a guy into my life completely to Him. I don't even worry about it. I honestly don't give it a thought. And by that, I don't mean that I'm constantly shutting out the thought, or blocking out the worry...no, it just isn't there. I trust Jesus completely to arrange all of it. I just sit back and enjoy Him. I pursue more of Him. I think only of Him. I want Him. 

When I pursue Jesus, I pursue Him for His own sake, not to manipulate Him into bringing the guy into my life sooner, not to show myself "worthy" enough to finally "deserve" for Him to reward me with a guy, not to prove anything, but just simply because Jesus Himself is infinitely desirable. There is no end to the delight of knowing Jesus. There is no end to what I can learn from Him. There is no end to becoming more Christlike.

I know He has a plan, I know He knows about every single man in the world, and I know that He is able to and coordinate our connection whenever He wants. If it isn't now, I rest in the knowledge that now is not His BEST. I rejoice to choose the best. When that time comes, though, He'll have to hit me upside the head with a 2-by-4, because in the meantime, I've forgotten about the guy. I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for Jesus. I'm seeking Him. I am being rewarded in that search, because Jesus always gives me more of Himself. 

This is the most restful, stress-free, and easy plan I've ever heard of. It's a plan that you can't cheat on (Jesus will know whether you're really pursuing Him or not). It's a plan that needs no striving, no struggling, no guessing, and no flirting. It comes with no broken heart and a lifelong guarantee. To live it is to walk by faith.


  1. I came across this site while searching for info on Darlene Deibler Rose's banana story. I read your perspective on dating and courtship and agree wholeheartedly! That is how I met my husband of six years, and now I find myself anxiously waiting for God to bless us with children. Your article was an excellent reminder to me in helping me keep God as my focus! Thank you for sharing!

  2. I wish more Christians had your perspective. I'm certainly glad I did!

  3. Excellent words of wisdom. It's definitely out of this world.

    Paul Janz


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