"We've had what has seemed like weeks of sickness and I'm not sure we are really through yet. Grace has been abounding. I can't believe we are finally seeing the break of day, light at the end of the tunnel, wellness coming to live here again. Doesn't it make you so grateful for well times when you've been sick? This past week I thought about those I know who live life in pain. I had pain that wouldn't go away, my head pounded daily - but life had to be lived, must be carried out - and with joy and enthusiasm. I can't get down times during this phase. Bad moods can't happen. They are too wide affecting. Too damaging to too many little ones."And a little farther down, she says,
I remind myself what I had the energy to do and did with my first kids. I hope I have learned more since then. I hope I can continue to pour out for them. I commit to. I promise to. I strive to.
Amazing how it feels inside to have your heart stretched to such lengths. I never thought my heart could hold so much. I wonder if it can at times. God is big. Large. His love is large. He can use me. He can have me, to love them all, all my days. God isn't just some idea that I fancy will help my head think I can do this mom thing with eight. He's not a good word. He's not something I attach to some list of rules or issued based life-style to earn His love and acceptance. He's not something my parents brainwashed me to believe, say a prayer to and think heaven would be my home when I die.
He is real. He has changed my heart from wanting darkness, to longing to live loving others more than myself. Only He can do that. I tried on my own for the first 15 years of my life. Frustratingly impossible. Without God, selfishness reigns, though at times dressed up to look like "love" or even "godly."I don't know what it is like to be a mom, but this woman has 8 children and serves them faithfully, teaches them with love and patience, and makes life really fun for them. Every one of her posts is filled with the most beautiful photography of her kids doing happy, interesting things, and her writing is always uplifting and wonderful. She is only a few years older than me, yet she has been stretched unimaginably farther than I have, and she does it with grace and faith and somehow gets it all done.
Her dedication inspires me to stretch farther toward what God has called me to do. The mountain of tasks that she juggles teaches me not to complain about my comparatively small pile of tasks.
Thank you, God, for examples of people who are farther ahead than me, who can help me to see that I can keep going, keep expanding, keep loving, and keep pouring myself out, all because of Christ's supply that He daily gives me.