Movie Review: Rio

As a bird lover, I was prepared to love this movie. I had seen the preview and thought it was funny, and I was mesmerized when I watched the first half of Rio at school one day, so I rented it and watched it this week. A little blue parrot is snatched from the Amazon jungle by smugglers, ends up in snowy Moose Lake, MN, and is rescued by a little girl. The girl is just like me--loves books, loves birds, wears glasses, happily single...okay, not exactly like me (she doesn't like to travel and is ridiculously fearful of Brazilian food--dumb girl--missing out on the BEST food on the PLANET! Ah!), but that's beside the point.

The point is, I was profoundly disappointed in the message behind the movie. Movies (just like good stories) are all about character development and change. You start a movie out with a character who has a bunch of things wrong with him, and then you show the transformation of those characteristics by the end of the movie. In Rio, the parrot, Blu, starts out as a slightly pampered, slightly annoying, slightly nerdy bird who can't fly. He falls in love with the girl parrot, Jewel, starts to think of others, and learns to fly. That's all well and good.

It's the story of Blu's owner, Linda, that plays out in the second half of the movie and left me disappointed. Linda travels with Blu to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, in order to meet Tulio, an ornithologist who has arranged the plan to mate Blu and Jewel. Linda and Blu have just landed in Brazil, and Tulio picks them up. They are driving in a jeep in the streets of Rio de Janeiro, when some people dressed for Carnaval cross the street in front of them. "Whoa, what's going on?" Linda says. "You have arrived in time for Carnaval, the biggest party in the world," Tulio replies. A provocatively dressed woman dances her way across the street in front of them.  "Tomorrow night," Tulio continues, "Everyone will be dressed like this." "Not me," Linda replies.

First red flag: Carnaval is merely "the biggest party in the world," according to this movie. As a Christian, I can't buy this innocent-sounding description. What's wrong with a big party? Plenty, if you know what Carnaval stands for. My Brazilian apartment mates described it to me as the biggest sin-fest in the world, a time to revel in unbridled lust, promiscuity, drinking, and drugs. Okay, so it's a kid's movie, and to them it's just costumes and music? Well, if you buy that one, you probably buy the one about Halloween being just about costumes and candy, too, but that's a topic for another time. My problem is that kids are introduced to Carnaval as something innocent and harmless, when it is neither.

The story continues with Blu and Jewel getting stolen by smugglers the first night they are left alone at the bird sanctuary. Then Linda and Tulio have to go on a wild chase to find them, while the birds go on a wild journey to get away from the smugglers and the villain of the movie, an evil cockatoo named Nigel.

(Nigel is another disappointing character. He is ruthless, malicious, and bent on making others as ugly as himself. Why is he so evil? Because once upon a time, he had a TV show, fame, and popularity, and then one day someone replaced him with a parakeet. Therefore he became a monster. Really? Is it just me, or is that just shallow? Okay, it's just a kid's movie. But look at the villains on Pixar films. They succeed in making them bad while giving them depth.)

The roads are closed for the Carnaval parade, and no one is allowed through the checkpoint except for performers, so Linda and Tulio don bird costumes in order to get through. Linda's costume is a skimpy blue sequined bikini with large blue wings and a tail attached to the back. She and Tulio come out of their separate changing rooms. "I look ridiculous, don't I?" Linda asks in a dejected voice. The picture switches to Tulio's face, lit up with delight. He assures her she looks great. Then, through a misunderstanding, Linda gets put in the parade up on a platform where she is supposed to dance. A guy is yelling at her in Portuguese, and Tulio translates. "Linda! You have to shake your tushy!" "NO!" Linda exclaims. "We don't shake our tushies in Minnesota!" But as she tries to get down off the stage, she happens to pull some moves that cause the crowd to roar its approval.

Okay. Hold it right there.

First of all, yes, people DO shake their tushies in Minnesota. It's not being from Minnesota that makes one reluctant to dance. It's having conservative values that come from a Christian worldview, which may or may not exist in people from Minnesota. Fundamentally, though, the conflict creates a sharp contrast between the more conservative midwest and the more free-spirited South American culture. And where did that contrast come from? The Judeo-Christian ethic, that existed strongly in the U.S. and has only been more recently introduced to Brazil. But the movie wipes this all off the slate and creates a false reason why Linda refuses to "shake her tushy," which makes her conservatism look ridiculous and nonsensical, and causes the viewer to root for her to just loosen up. Strike to the grain of what Tulio and the crowd are calling for Linda to do. "Shake your tushy" is a soft way of saying, "Be sensual," "Arouse my sex drive," "Move your body where it really counts." So...I don't do that because--I'm from Minnesota (or Wisconsin, or Tennessee, or Timbuktu)? No. I don't do that because--I don't know how? Maybe, but it goes deeper than that. I don't do that because as a Christian, I choose not to move my body in a way that deliberately provokes sensual thoughts in others. Why? Because lust is enough of a battle as it is without me creating more issues for my brothers and sisters in Christ to deal with. And I know well enough that dances involving  shaking my hips or my bust are designed for one single purpose: to arouse that pleasurable feeling in the opposite sex.

Furthermore, did you notice Tulio's reaction to Linda in a bikini? The smile that spread across his face and the pleasure in his eyes was nothing more than an expression of unbridled lust, the kind that Jesus warns against when he says, "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:28) When godly Christian guys see a scene like this, they battle valiantly to NOT lust, but the movie portrays Tulio's lust as something normal, a natural enjoyment, the way a kid's eyes would light up at a lollipop. (Why is there a difference? Is there a difference between a woman and a lollipop? Only in the Christian worldview.) Again, Linda's comment comes across as incomprehensible and irrelevant: "I look ridiculous, don't I?" OF COURSE a guy isn't going to think that looks ridiculous! Her reluctance to go out in public in a bikini is passed off as being a mere fear of looking ridiculous. This fear being overcome (thanks to Tulio's approval), there no longer seems to be any reason to be reluctant about it. How easily the viewer swallows this scene, digests it, and feels in himself or herself that Linda is wrong to be so straight-laced about wearing something skimpy. My problem is, this movie opens a door for girls to change their minds. Once you feel like Linda is in the wrong, you also feel like you would be in the wrong to maintain a conservative dress standard. The difference is, Christian girls who know why they dress conservatively know that they do not do it because they would feel uncomfortable or ridiculous in public if they wore something immodest (although that may be the case). They do it precisely because they choose not to place a stumbling block of lust before their brothers' eyes. (Most Christian girls, however, do not know why they dress conservatively. If they do it, they do it because their parents or leaders make them, and it is these girls who are easy prey to the kind of thinking this movie conveys. As soon as they are out from under the rules, goodbye, modesty.)

Here is the heart of why I didn't like the movie: Linda's change went exactly the opposite way from the way it should have. In the Christian worldview, the promiscuous girl, who dresses immodestly and is a little loose around guys, needs to change into a modest, respectable girl who behaves with honor and decency. In the movie, Linda went the other way. The theme of lust is out of place in a children's movie, even if they treated it in a way that earned it a G rating. Ah... G-rated lust. How nice. Start them off young before they even know what it is, and they'll never feel it when it enslaves them.

Now, before you jump all over my back and tell me what I already know...
--I know that this is just the way our culture works nowadays.
--I know I can't expect a movie to reflect my values.
--I know that Hollywood is not going to portray conservative values in an honest light.
--I know that I can't change moviemaking with a negative movie review.
--I know that Christians will watch Rio and not lose their faith.
--I know that other Christians will like the movie.
--I know that to most people in the world, including many Christians, my views are incomprehensible. I may be labeled straight-laced, prudish, or kill-joy. That's fine. Your views are incomprehensible to me, too.

I'm just telling you why I didn't like the movie. (And revealing much of the way I think and analyze things in the process.) I'm not saying I wasn't entertained. I was. I laughed all the way through it. I'm just not one to check my brains at the door and get them back when the movie is over. I think. I reject what my reason tells me is not wholesome. I hope others will do the same (think for yourself, that is, not reject the movie just because I did).

The Countdown Begins...

ONLY 3 MORE WEEKS!

A Promise

This weekend, I went out to lunch with some old family friends, and they were asking me about Betel. The wife asked me, "How do the staff at Betel keep from burnout? Do they take lots of breaks? Do they only last for a few years?"

"That's a good question," I said.

"I think all the staff should have regular counseling," she continued, "so that they can deal positively with the draining aspects of their work."

"Well," I answered, "The neat thing about God is that when He gives you love, it is a supernatural love. He is able to keep on loving people through you, and it's like a fountain of water that's always gushing up."

This answer was more in faith than anything, because, after all, I haven't actually been through it yet to see how to deal with burnout.

However, the very next day, the Lord brought this verse to my attention from my daily Bible reading:

"And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." Isaiah 58:11.

How encouraging! It felt like a promise spoken exactly to me, that God would not only sustain me, that I would not merely endure, but that I would thrive and really experience His love springing up in my heart. 

Thank you, God!

Faith that Moves Mountains

This is an amazing story that reflects God's power, the faith of a simple shoemaker, and triumph over evil. If you only have a short amount of time to read, scroll down to where it says "The story gets good here."

From The Travels of Marco Polo, Book 1, chapter 7-8

Terms:
Baldach = Baghdad
Saracens = Muslims
Tartars = Asian Empire under Kublai Khan. The four Tartar princes mentioned (Mangù, Alaù, and 2 others) were Kublai Khan’s sons. Genghis Khan was the son of one of these princes.
Cathay = China

Chapter 7: Of the great city of Baldach or Bagadet, anciently called Babylon—of the navigation from thence to Balsara, situated in what is termed the Sea of India, but properly the Persian Gulf—and of the various sciences studied in that city.

Baldach is a large city, heretofore the residence of the khalif of all the Saracens, as the pope is of all Christians. A great river flows through the midst of it, by means of which the merchants transport their goods to and from the Sea of India; the distance being computed at seventeen days’ navigation, in consequence of the windings of its course. Those who undertake the voyage, after leaving the river, touch at a place named Kisi, from whence they proceed to sea: but previously to their reaching this anchorage they pass a city named Balsara, in the vicinity of which are groves of palm-trees producing the best dates in the world. In Baldach there is a manufacture of silks wrought with gold, and also of damasks, as well as of vests ornamented with the figures of birds and beasts. Almost all the pearls brought to Europe from India have undergone the process of boring, at this place. The Mahometan law is here regularly studied, as are also magic, physics, astronomy, geomancy, and physiognomy. It is the noblest and most extensive city to be found in this part of the world.

Chapter 8: Concerning the capture and death of the khalif of Balach, and the miraculous removal of a mountain.

The above-mentioned khalif, who is understood to have amassed greater treasures than had ever been possessed by any other sovereign, perished miserably under the following circumstances. At the period when the Tartar princes began to extend their dominion, there were amongst them four brothers, of whom the eldest, named Mangù, reigned in the royal seat of the family. Having subdued the country of Cathay, and other districts in that quarter, they were not satisfied, but coveting further territory, they conceived the idea of universal empire, and proposed that they should divide the world amongst them.

With this object in view, it was agreed that one of them should proceed to the east, that another should make conquests in the south, and that the other two should direct their operations against the remaining quarters. The southern portion fell to the lot of Alaù, who assembled a vast army, and having subdued the provinces through which his route lay, proceeded in the year 1255 to attack this city of Baldach. Being aware, however, of the great strength and the prodigious number of its inhabitants, he trusted rather to stratagem than to force for its reduction, and in order to deceive the enemy with regard to the number of his troops, which consisted of a hundred thousand horse, besides foot soldiers, he posted one division of his army on the one side, another division on the other side of the approach to the city, in such a manner as to be concealed by a wood, and placing himself at the head of the third, advanced boldly to within a short distance of the gate.

The khalif made light of a force apparently so inconsiderable, and confident in the efficacy of the usual Mahometan ejaculation, thought of nothing less than its entire destruction, and for that purpose marched out of the city with his guards; but as soon as Alaù perceived his approach, he feigned to retreat before him, until by this means he had drawn him beyond the wood where the other divisions were posted. By the closing of these from both sides, the army of the khalif was surrounded and broken, himself was made prisoner, and the city surrendered to the conqueror.

Upon entering it, Alaù discovered, to his great astonishment, a tower filled with gold. He called the khalif before him, and after reproaching him with his avarice, that prevented him from employing his treasures in the formation of an army for the defense of his capital against the powerful invasion with which it had long been threatened, gave orders for his being shut up in this same tower, without sustenance; and there, in the midst of his wealth, he soon finished a miserable existence.

I judge that our Lord Jesus Christ herein thought proper to avenge the wrongs of his faithful Christians, so abhorred by this khalif. From the time of his accession in 1225, his daily thoughts were employed on the means of converting to his religion those who resided within his dominions, or, upon their refusal, in forming pretenses for putting them to death.

The story gets good here.

Consulting with his learned men for this purpose, they discovered a passage in the Gospel where it is said: “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place, and it shall remove,” (upon prayer to that effect addressed to the Divine Majesty;) and being rejoiced at the discovery, persuaded as he was that the thing was utterly impossible, he gave orders for assembling all the Nestorian and Jacobite Christians who dwelt in Baldach, and who were very numerous. To these the question was propounded, whether they believed all that is asserted in the text of their Gospel to be true, or not. They made answer that it was true.

“Then,” said the khalif, “if it be true, let us see which of you will give the proof of his faith; for certainly if there is not to be found one amongst you who possesses even so small a portion of faith in his Lord, as to be equal to a grain of mustard, I shall be justified in regarding you, henceforth, as a wicked, reprobate, and faithless people. I allow you therefore ten days, before the expiration of which you must either, through the power of Him whom you worship, remove the mountain now before you, or embrace the law of our prophet; in either of which cases you will be safe; but otherwise you must all expect to suffer the most cruel deaths.”

The Christians, acquainted as they were with his merciless disposition, as well as his eagerness to despoil them of their property, upon hearing these words, trembled for their lives; but nevertheless, having confidence in their Redeemer, that He would deliver them from their peril, they held an assembly and deliberated on the course they ought to take.

None other presented itself than that of imploring the Divine Being to grant them the aid of his mercy. To obtain this, every individual, great and small, prostrated himself night and day upon the earth, shedding tears profusely, and attending to no other occupation than that of prayer to the Lord.

When they had thus persevered during eight days, a divine revelation came at length, in a dream, to a bishop of exemplary life, directing him to proceed in search of a certain shoemaker (whose name is not known) having only one eye, whom he should summon to the mountain, as a person capable of effecting its removal, through the divine grace.

Having found the shoemaker and made him acquainted with the revelation, he replied that he did not feel himself worthy of the undertaking, his merits not being such as to entitle him to the reward of such abundant grace. Importuned, however, by the poor terrified Christians, he at length assented.

It should be understood that he was a man of strict morals and pious conversation, having his mind pure and faithful to his God, regularly attending the celebration of the mass and other divine offices, fervent in works of charity, and rigid in the observance of fasts. It once happened to him, that a handsome young woman who came to his shop in order to be fitted with a pair of slippers, in presenting her foot, accidentally exposed a part of her leg, the beauty of which excited in him a momentary concupiscence; but recollecting himself, he presently dismissed her, and calling to mind the words of the Gospel, where it is said, “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee; for it is better to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire,” he immediately, with an instrument of his trade, scooped out his right eye; evincing by that act, beyond all doubt, the excellence of his faith.

The appointed day being arrived, divine service was performed at an early hour, and a solemn procession was made to the plain where the mountain stood, the holy cross being borne in front. The khalif likewise, in the conviction of its proving a vain ceremony on the part of the Christians, chose to be present, accompanied by a number of his guards, for the purposing of destroying them in the event of failure.

Here the pious artisan, kneeling before the cross, and lifting up his hands to heaven, humbly besought his Creator that he would compassionately look down upon earth, and for the glory and excellence of his name, as well as for the support and confirmation of the Christian faith, would lend assistance to his people in the accomplishment of the task imposed upon them, and thus manifest his power to the revilers of his law. Having concluded his prayer, he cried with a loud voice: “In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, I command thee, O mountain, to remove thyself!”

Upon these words being uttered, the mountain moved, and the earth at the same time trembled in a wonderful and alarming manner. The khalif and all those by whom he was surrounded, were struck with terror, and remained in a state of stupefaction. Many of the latter became Christians, and even the khalif secretly embraced Christianity, always wearing a cross concealed under his garment, which after his death was found upon him; and on this account it was that they did not entomb him in the shrine of his predecessors.

In commemoration of this singular grace bestowed upon them by God, all the Christians, Nestorians, and Jacobites, from that time forth have continued to celebrate in a solemn manner the return of the day on which the miracle took place; keeping a fast also on the vigil.

God of the Impossible

Has it ever seemed to you that God intentionally brings a situation to the brink of impossibility, and then pushes it over the brink? Have you ever noticed that God sets up impossible-seeming situations to prove Himself the God of the impossible? Consider how God gets more glory when he pulls off an impossible solution than when He does something that everyone thinks they could have done themselves.

For example, look at Gideon. Midianites were already Israel's conquerors, so it already seemed impossible to get out from under their oppression. Then God calls Gideon. "Gideon, blow the trumpet and gather an army."

32,000 men gather, and God pushes the situation further into impossibility. "Send home anyone who is afraid." 22,000 soldiers leave, and the 10,000 who remain are expected to go up against the Midianite army of 135,000.

Then God pushes the situation over the brink. "Make everyone drink water, and only those who lap it up a certain way can stay. Send the rest home." 300 men get the lapping thing right, and everyone else goes away.

Impossible, right? Beyond impossible! Yet God pulls it off! He gives the victory to these 300.

Gideon is not the only example. Look at the children of Israel before the Red Sea. Look at Israel just before the conquest of the Promised Land. Look at the promise to Abraham that he would have a son, and then the command to take Isaac and sacrifice him on the altar. Look at the crucifixion and death of Christ. Think of what would be going through the disciples' minds: "Our promised Messiah and deliverer! Oh no! Now it's impossible for Him to save us!"

God gets more glory for doing an impossible thing than for doing a difficult thing.

I have noticed that in my life, He intentionally pushes me past the point where I think things are possible, and then He comes through gloriously on my behalf. I am facing one or two impossible-seeming situations right now, and one of them was just compounded by the fact that I broke my toe yesterday, making the completion of one of the tasks look that much more unlikely. But my impossible-working God has proved Himself ABLE too many times for me to be daunted or discouraged by facing the impossible. On the contrary, it's just that much more exciting to see what He is going to do and how He is going to achieve the victory. I trust him to emerge victorious. I don't need to question that. I don't need to wonder if apparent impossibility is going to thwart my God. He is the God of the impossible!

So bring on the obstacles! Throw as many roadblocks as you like! Blanket me with chains and nets! Throw urgent stuff at me until I don't have time to do it all! Let me be as weak and in pain as I can be! But it will never stop God from accomplishing His purposes, and I will rejoice to see Him break through all the bulwarks that are cast up against Him.

His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is made perfect in weakness. He has triumphed gloriously. I need not worry or get frustrated or fear. I never even need to wonder, "Is this going to work out?" What God has called me to do, He will empower me to obey, no matter what impossibilities I face. Thank you, Lord!

A "little" sewing project

I sewed myself a bridemaid's dress last week.

(How simple to say, and how little that reveals about how much it was on my mind, every single minute until I got it done.)

It all started out with a dislike of every bridesmaid's dress in every dress shop in town, and a gorgeous pattern that captivated my imagination.

Vogue V1162

A masterpiece, no?

But Rebekah wouldn't be Rebekah if she didn't have to branch out and do her own thing, now would she?

Salient points that dictated my alterations of the dress:
1) The dress must be orange.
2) The dress must be floor length.
3) The dress must FIT.
4) The flower-sleeve part must be a versatile accessory that I can pair with all kinds of other outfits.

First order of business: design the bolero jacket that would feature those sleeves. Using and adapting the pattern pieces from the dress and from a bolero jacket pattern, plus creating some pieces of my own, I cut one out and sewed it from some navy blue scrap fabric.

My room became a grand central station of sewing patterns, fabric, machine, and notions. It's a wonder I was able to keep all the pieces straight!

Then I didn't like the design, prompting a redesign, which I still didn't like, but I had already cut it out of the "real" fabric and sewed the framing pieces together, prompting a minor trim of the pattern pieces. Good enough.

Then I had to make my own pattern pieces from a dress I bought at a yard sale that fits me quite perfectly. My thanks go to my friend Cora who showed me how to do this and suggested I obtain a copy of the book Patterns from Finished Clothes by Tracy Doyle.

Armed with my Dritz sewing board and a roll of parchment paper, I set to work.

The method involves pinning the fabric down to the board and using a tracing wheel to go over the seams, leaving holes in the paper where the pattern piece edges are. You then go over these holes with a pencil or marker, add seam allowances, and voila! You have pattern pieces!

 Pattern pieces made, I then proceeded to cutting out, then to sewing.

Notice the large coffee mug. I only got 5 hours of sleep or less for a week, but time was still running short. I had only just finished installing the invisible zipper when it was time to leave for the wedding. So I packed it all up in Matilda's trusty trunk, sewing machine, fabric, pattern pieces, and all, and headed to my cousin's house where I would spend the weekend.

The wedding would be on Saturday; I arrived Thursday night. I got to work as soon as possible and sewed until 2 am. Friday I was still cutting out facing pieces and fusing interfacing to them. Of course it would happen that I accidentally fused one of them to the towel instead of the pattern piece. Oops! Fortunately I was able to tear it off the towel while it was still damp, and happily, it still stuck to the dress fabric when I re-ironed it the right way.

Friday night at the rehearsal dinner, the dress was still not finished. I returned to the house and got to work, accompanied this time by my amazing sister, who is the most talented seamstress EVER! She sewed until 5:00 in the morning. I sewed all night. In the morning, we worked together to put the finishing touches onto the dress.

This is the morning of the wedding. The wedding takes place at 10:00 am. This is probably 8:00 am.

Victory is in sight! Possibility is attainable! But it never would have been possible if it weren't for the efforts of my amazing, selfless, expert sister. THANK YOU, ROSIE!!!!

Just moments before the wedding, I took my last stitch, donned the dress, and headed out to the chapel. Ahhhh, sweet success.

You wouldn't know these were the same two girls who were busily humming away on that sewing machine just that morning, would you? (Funny how we just happened to match, too!)

My Prayer Letter

Dear friends, prayer warriors, and supporters,

Truly "This is the LORD's doing, and it is marvelous in my eyes." (Psa. 118:23)

The Lord has opened up the door for me to go to Spain! In November, after 3 years of waiting on God's leading, I will be heading to Madrid to do a 3-month internship with a ministry called Betel. Then I will travel to Birmingham, England, where will spend 3 more months at Betel's international headquarters, returning home in May. This short-term opportunity will lead to a long-term possibility if God should so direct, which I would pursue upon completion of my trip.

Betel is a ministry that works with drug addicts, introducing them to Christ, getting them off their drugs, separating them from their friends, giving them a very structured home environment, and training them to work. I will be going on this trip as a learner and a servant. I will be living with the Betelitos, abiding by their same rules, and having their same schedule. I will go to work with them, go to church with them, and just accompany them through their daily lives. My goal will be to shine the light of Christ to them and show them God's unconditional love, communicating the Gospel with both my words and actions. For those interested, more information about Betel can be found on their website at http://www.betel.org.

It has been a delight to see God fulfilling the desire of my heart in allowing me to go back to the mission field. Through the past three years since I came back from Spain, I have learned to follow, not lead, the Good Shepherd into the paths He has for my life. How do I do that? Simply by getting to the place where God alone fills all my vision. As I pursue Him, seeing nothing but Him, I am inevitably led where He wants me to go. It's like when you follow closely behind a semi-truck on the highway. You can't really see the road ahead or much of anything else except for the back of the truck, but you’re definitely going somewhere. While I wouldn’t advise anyone to drive that way, I can wholeheartedly recommend this life of faith, knowing that God will protect and guide me as I follow hot on his track.

Please pray for me as I go! I greatly desire your prayers and value their importance. I would love to know who is praying for me so that I can keep you informed with specific prayer requests. Please leave a comment or email me if you would like to join my prayer team. Also, if you would like to receive my email updates, please give me your email address. I hope to stay in touch!

In Christ,
Rebekah

My Birthday

My birthday fell on one of the days of my training, and it just so happened we were on "culture day" that day. It all felt like one big birthday party! I had so much fun.

I can't fail to thank God for remembering my birthday this year. When I was praying about whether or not to go to this training and take this step, I nonchalantly mentioned to my mom that I would be gone on my birthday if I went. The next day she came to me and said that she was praying about it, and remembered how I would be gone on my birthday. God said to her, "That's my birthday present to her." When she said this to me, I started to cry. I felt so loved, so cherished, so remembered by God--I mean, who else has a God who remembers their birthday and does something special particularly for them on it? It was like He thought of the birthday gift that would please me the most and surprised me with it. What better thing could I ask than to get to go back into missions? Thank you, Lord, for remembering my birthday. Your gift was amazing.

The first cool event of the day was our "culture shock" break. Our instructors brought out several trays of goodies, one by one, and each time, there was a surprise factor in the food item.

•  Pink cupcake--really a sausage patty topped with tinted mashed potatoes. Aaaah! You expect that pink stuff to be sweet!
•  Saltine Cracker--it looks like it's spread with butter and chocolate sauce, but that's no chocolate! Ever heard of Marmite? Actually it was pretty good. I had seconds.
•  The white and brown spiral things--They looked like chocolate and vanilla sugary treats, but again, surprise! The brown color is black beans and the white color comes from rice paste.
•  Fries--Not your regular McDonald's variety: these were shrimp flavored.
•  Drink--This one I had had before, and I heartily approve: Sweetened black tea with mint. Mmmmm!

Anything that involves eating is fine with me, and I have very adventurous taste buds, so I was one happy birthday girl! Let's just say I've never had birthday meals like that before!

Then, at lunch was the culture game. We each received an envelope giving us instructions and informing us what role we were going to play during the meal. The meal was a typical food from a certain country in the middle east, one where people usually eat with their hands. One person would be a national who was hosting the meal, another would be a clueless American who wasn't sensitive to cultural customs, one would be an American who tried to follow the host's customs, and two were merely observers (who also got to eat).

My envelope contained directions for me to be the hostess of the meal, so everyone was following my lead! Aaah! I barely knew what I was doing! Using the right hand only, I was supposed to take a small handful of food, form it into a ball, and pop it into my mouth. I was supposed to eat only from the part of the bowl that was right in front of me, leaving a "wall" of food in between mine and my neighbor's section. The food was really delicious, but I was quite a bit messier than I liked to be as the hostess! Popping that ball into my mouth was easier said than done. The rice didn't want to stick together, no matter how firmly I tried to ball it up, so the ball of food kept falling to bits in between my hand and my mouth. Funny how the rice had no trouble sticking all over my hand.

Before

After 

(We didn't do so great at the "walls," did we?) 

Then for dinner, we had pizza--I guess we needed American culture in there somewhere, right? ;-) Afterward they surprised me with birthday cake! It had 12 trick candles on it, and they made so much smoke with re-lighting themselves that we set off the fire alarm in the building! Oops! That made for another adventure!

All in all, it was a very fun day, and I will have a wonderful memory of it for years to come.

Bonus picture: this used to be a water tower. Now there are living quarters in the top level where all the windows are. Very Rapunzel-esque, no?

Next Steps

I just spent a week in Pennsylvania staying at a castle!

This castle happened to be the headquarters of the mission board where I spent a week of orientation, taking classes to prepare for an upcoming short-term missions opportunity.

Yes, that's right! God has opened up the door for me to go back into missions! Praise be unto His name! :-)

Here is one of the rooms inside the castle:

My bedroom:

A bay window:

Details will be forthcoming about my trip, but I will be going to Spain and England, spending 3 months in each country, and working with a ministry called Betel. Lord willing, I'll be gone from November through early May.

I can't wait!

A picture post!

A few pictures of what I've been doing with my summer

First off, right when school let out, I spent two weeks in Wisconsin for my sister's wedding. We helped out with everything imaginable, from booking an organist with only 10 days to spare before the ceremony to baking 22 dozen rolls to spreading yards and yards of mulch in the gardens at the Walkers' house. I was a bridesmaid for the first time, and quite honored to be Rosie's maid of honor. I can't believe my sister is married! She was a radiant, gorgeous, has-it-together bride, and I wish her and Mike all the best in their life together!

Then, on June 23, I became an Aunt for the first time! Jackson Stuart Scheiman entered the world and immediately became everyone's favorite person. (I borrowed these from Katherine's facebook.)

Two weeks later, I was off to another much-anticipated wedding between two friends and classmates. It was a joyous occasion and quite the Verity reunion!

THEN... dun-dun-DUN! The beach! We went to Cape Lookout National Seashore, which immediately soared to my list of BEST. PLACES. EVER! We were the only people occupying a mile-long stretch of perfectly clean, pristine beach. There was nothing around but sea and sand. Beyond "our" section of beach on both sides, it was closed because of nesting plovers, so we were literally in the middle of about 5 miles of empty beach. It was splendid.

And now I'm frantically busy getting ready for VBS at church. Happy to be in charge of crafts... but whoa! It is a lot of work. Perhaps in a future post I can post more pictures. Thanks for looking!

Getting in a hurry on God?

Think twice before you do. 

And he tarried seven days, according to the set time that Samuel had appointed: but Samuel came not to Gilgal; and the people were scattered from him. And Saul said, Bring hither a burnt offering to me, and peace offerings. And he offered the burnt offering. And it came to pass, that as soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came. 1 Sa. 13:8-10.

 And Saul said to Ahiah, Bring hither the ark of God. For the ark of God was at that time with the children of Israel. And it came to pass, while Saul talked unto the priest, that the noise that was in the host of the Philistines went on and increased: and Saul said unto the priest, Withdraw thine hand. 1 Sa. 14:18-19.

Twice, Saul got in a hurry and got ahead of God. I am faced with a similar temptation. Saul saw that the people departed from him. I see that my money departs from me. I am tempted to act out of desperation and then expect God will understand the straits I was in.

But that's not faith, is it? Faith looks at the humanly impossible situation and scoffs, "That is immaterial to the outcome. God is the only one in whom I put my trust. (Not armies. Not wealth.) He is still able, even in the face of pressing circumstances."

So it's not a matter of God understanding the straits I'm in, but rather of me understanding that God is not in any straits at all, ever.

Again, Saul faltered when the noise that was in the camp of the Philistines "went on and increased." Likewise, my circumstances tend to roar in my ears, threatening to drown out spiritual realities. "Oh, God hasn't answered yet?" I say. "Well, that's just too bad. I can't wait any longer. I've got to take care of this problem right away, or everything will fall apart."

But again, that's not faith. If God hasn't answered yet, wait on Him until He does and let the tempests blow. Nothing will be able to happen without His permission or decree anyway. He is testing my resolve, waiting to see (or reveal to me) whether I possess merely a fair-weather faith.

Oh let me look steadfastly to God for His help, guidance, and deliverance from every situation and circumstance that threatens me. Let hurry not cause me to waver or falter. Let faith cling to Him with steady grip, even when it must wait. Let me not say, "Withdraw thine hand" from seeking the counsel of the Lord, but let me gaze upon Him, heedless of the roar of desperate circumstances.

Thoughts on obedience

When my will clashes with God's will, it is pride for me to pick my way. Who am I to set myself up above God and say that my way is better? Therefore, I must obey, or I will be walking in pride.

My future is totally obscured to my vision, but God sees it perfectly. He is in charge of orchestrating all the events; the only thing I have to do is obey Him, and everything will come to pass. How restful and worry-free obedience becomes when one realizes this!

My room is a mess, I have too much to do, and I'm not getting enough sleep, but somehow I found hours this week to spend on facebook, disregarding multiple inner prompts to leave the site and do something profitable. Simple obedience would have solved this problem. Maybe my room would be clean by now if I had listened.

Obedience is both the hardest thing to do and the easiest thing to do. All it takes is--doing what God said, like, "Wash 7 times in the Jordan River" or "Open up your mouth and speak." Not impossible. In fact, the task itself is usually simple. But it flies directly in the face of pleases me, and that is what makes it hard.

Consulting the Lord for His advice is one thing, but actually obeying Him when He tells me what I don't want to hear is quite another thing. How many times have I thought God didn't answer, when really He did, but He told me what I didn't want to hear?

My track record is so bad, I cannot trust myself to obey. Next time I am faced with a command, if left to myself, I am more than likely to disobey. But Jesus achieved perfect obedience in His life on earth, and He lives in me. I can trust HIM to obey God, and I can draw on His mighty grace to work in me the obedience that I would not have displayed on my own.

What is it about two conflicting wants that makes one triumph over the other?
"I want to lose weight." vs. "I want to eat cake."
"I want to obey God." vs. "I want to please myself."
Why does the short term, more irrational, more emotional decision tend to triumph?

Therefore, my constant prayer is, "O make me obedient!"

Praise Him in the midst of uncertainty

You know that sinking feeling you get when something goes wrong?
That stab of fear that maybe you won't be able to afford it, you won't be able to make it, you won't be able to figure it out?

That happened to me when I went to start Matilda and nothing happened. No lights, no sound, no action. I couldn't work the windows or the trunk or the lock button, and when I turned the key in the ignition, not the least bit of life was to be found.

"Aaaah! Matilda! You can't die on me!"  I thought. There was no reason for it. She was working perfectly the last time I drove her.

I had to drive my parents' car that day, and as I drove away, I was consumed with worry and uncertainty. "How much is this going to cost me?" I wondered. "How am I going to afford it?" These worries are very new to me, because I've never worried about money, even though I've never been rich.

"Praise me anyway," the Lord whispered.

So I did. I praised the Lord for His provision. I praised Him that He was enough. I praised him for His mercy, for the many blessings He has given me, and yes, even for the fact that my car was broken down. I thanked him for other difficult and undesirable situations in my life. I recognized that what He allows must be good, and therefore thanked Him for the good things He has given me.

That day, the worry lifted.

And then, later, I found out it was only a dead battery, which my dear expert dad kindly fixed by recharging it and cleaning the terminals. Matilda has life again--and I'm not a penny poorer. Indeed, I am richer. What the Lord taught me was more valuable than any car repair bill.

Thank you, God. Thank you that I can praise you even when life throws me for a loop. Help me to continue to be grateful for the easy as well as the hard times.

A Radical Decision

When I was 18, 20, 22 years old, I had this radical idea.

I believed God could lead me in the course of my life. I believed He knew where I should be headed, and that He could direct me into the exact niche in the world that He had created me to occupy.

I even believed that he would do this.

And lo and behold, things started happening. When I was 18, I was asked to take a job with a Bible publishing company. It was a "real job," in a nice office, with normal hours, and a great salary.

When I was 20, my project at that job was complete, and I went off to college. The two years I had worked allowed me to complete college debt-free, which I considered to be a significant achievement.

After college, I got asked to come back and teach some of the courses I had just learned. (It was a young college that was just getting started, so there were opportunities like this available for people like me who would otherwise have been underqualified.)

I was happy, had just enough of a challenge to keep me interested and on my toes, and couldn't see one step ahead of where I was on the road of life.

Then, somewhere along the way, I figured out how the world worked. "Ohhhhh, Rebekah! You had better get with the picture! What? You don't have a 5-year plan? Well, you'd better get busy. The way to get ahead in life is to envision your future, make plans, and then work toward the completion of those plans. I can't believe you're just now getting the memo! You've never even thought of looking ahead! What's up with that?" So I started trying to envision, plan, and act accordingly.

Suddenly, it seemed I had done everything all wrong. I had chosen a major without looking ahead to see what career path that would lead to, and now I didn't want to work in Communications. I had blithely ridden in the wagon of life while God held the reins, and I had merely gone where the wagon took me. Now I decided to jump off the wagon and make my own way in the world. This time, I would pay more attention to what was coming down the road.

Curiously, everything started to fall apart. None of my pursuits amounted to anything. I cleaned houses, taught piano students, spent a few months smothering in boredom as a cashier, and worked in a preschool. Life just wasn't going the way I wanted it to go. I was pushing on doors, especially doors to the mission field, but I couldn't open them. Nothing was working out.

Then I hit on the answer! What I needed was a Master's degree. That would solve all my problems and lift me out of the dead-end jobs I had been working in. Teaching was the highlight of my life (especially the piano students), so I decided a Master's in Education would be just the thing. I took the GRE and started calling for more information about different schools. Monday I went to an informational meeting at a local college and talked with the faculty about what would be involved in the Master's program.

I left the meeting feeling discouraged and thwarted again. There was no way I could pay for a Master's program. I didn't have $18,000, and at the rate I was going, it would take me more than 5 years to save up that much money. Sure, I could qualify for a loan, but I was absolutely unwilling to go into debt. Then I would really be stuck. I wouldn't have a chance to get back to the mission field until all that debt was paid off, and who knows when that would be. Besides, with all the cuts in education, I wasn't even sure I could get a job.

Then a simple, but radical idea dawned on me. Why not trust God for my future?

"Oh my goodness!" I thought. "He's the only one who can see it anyway. And look how much better things were going for me when I was actively trusting Him for the way I should go. I think I'll get back up in His wagon. I think I'll stop hunting, stop weaving my little webs, stop pushing, stop manipulating. I resolve to prove God. Can God direct my life without my help? And will He? I will try Him. I will stop trying to figure it out on my own. I will depend wholly and completely on Him to lead me in the way I should go."

A verse I had read that morning came back to my mind:

“And now Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, to keep the commandments of the Lord, and his statutes, which I command thee this day for thy good?” Dt. 10:12-13 (See also Micah 6:8)

What does God require of me? Not education. Not a fancy career. Not dazzling missionary activity. No.

He simply wants me to fear Him, obey Him, love Him, and serve Him.

"How about this?" I thought. "I will occupy myself with that, and let all the other things go. I will just do that one thing. And while I'm doing that, I will be content with wherever God places me. If He wants me to stay in the place where I'm at, with the amount of money I'm making, I will be content with that. My part will be simply to walk with God. His part will be to envision the future, make plans, and give me commands to carry out His will."

It seems so simple. It worked for me before. Now it will be interesting to see where He takes me from here. I don't know where the wagon's going, but I trust Him to know, and to direct my way perfectly to the destination where He wants to take me.

Giddyup!

Bitten by Covetousness

The other day I was in the mall and I saw a cute outfit. Suddenly I wanted it. I wanted it so strongly, I was taken aback by the raging, demanding lust that surfaced in myself. "It's just a cute outfit," I thought. "Where is all this coming from?"

Then last weekend I went to a wedding where I saw a bunch of my old friends. I was smitten afterward when I realized that I had expressed ungratefulness to just about every person I talked with. People would ask me where I was in life and what I was doing these days, and invariably, I would throw in some comment about how I was poor, or how I didn't really like my job, or life just wasn't going the way I wanted it to.

"Somehow, covetousness has really taken hold of me," I realized. "I want more money, a better job, nicer clothes...and I'm not content with what I have." So I repented before the Lord and asked His forgiveness.

Beyond that, there is a cure: Thanksgiving and praise.
Therefore, let me express my sincerest praise to God for all the undeserved blessings that He has bestowed upon me.

Lord, I praise You for this season of poverty. You have allowed me to go through it, and I accept it from your hand, knowing that You have ordained it for good. Besides, I am truly rich. In the first place, I am rich because I have You. You are my portion and my inheritance, and You alone are enough to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart. In the second place, I am fabulously wealthy compared to most of the world. I have a computer, a printer, a CD player, a sewing machine, a car, a closet full of clothes, shelves full of books, a room to myself, and innumerable comforts and luxuries that most people would only dream of having.

I praise you for the job you have given me. I thank you for the experiences I have been able to have through this work. I will be content with the paycheck you have provided for me, whether or not you ever open up the door for me to make more money. You, O Lord, are my provider, and it is You who gives me the power to earn money.

Thank you, Lord, for the unnamed person in my life who hurts me. Will you bless that person, Lord, with abundant grace and boundless mercy? Bestow them with patience, gentleness, and love. Let them walk in truth. Fill them with Your Holy Spirit and let them walk in Your light. I thank you for the very hurts themselves. What an unprecedented opportunity to learn forgiveness, to find Your grace sufficient even in the midst of pain, to overcome by faith and return good for evil. They have deepened my heart and made me more able to relate to others' pain.

I praise You, O my God, for the fact that I am waiting right now. Thank you for not moving ahead. Thank you for not being in a hurry. Thank you for keeping me sitting still, ever so deftly, ever so cleverly, even when I am trying to squirm away and make things happen for myself. Thank you for not letting my ways work out. Thank you for teaching me to wait upon the Lord, and letting me find that indeed I do renew my strength. Thank you for the patience that comes with it. Thank you for the very uncertainty that I face. I praise You that You do know exactly what way I should take.

Thank You, Lord, for being the sovereign God. It is all about You, not about me. I release my way to you. I don't have what I want anymore. It's all what You want. Keep me faithful to walk with you in Your will and in Your way.

In Jesus's Name, Amen

Grateful for Matilda

I got so caught up in complaining about Matilda ("But it's SUCH an old lady car." "Ah! I get terrible gas mileage." Yeah, she's a beast all right...reminds me of behemoth." "Why, oh, why did I get a car with a V8 engine??") that I forgot to be grateful.

Then all at once, it hit me.

This is actually a really nice car! I like so many more things than I dislike. It has cruise control, power windows, leather interior, and a huge trunk. It rides so smooth and quiet, has air conditioning, and is really a very low mileage car for the price I paid. It's comfortable to sit in. It's spacious. I like everything about it except for one or two things--so why are those the only things I mention when I tell people about the car? 

I decided then and there to ditch the complaints, put buyer's remorse behind me, and just enjoy this car. Of course I have already enjoyed HAVING a car, but not necessarily THIS car. Now I have resolved to enjoy this car with abandon. Okay, so it has one drawback. Well, so be it. I like it anyway. I am thankful for it. I see it as God's provision for me. I appreciate it. And I genuinely do think that I am pampered and got more than I expected in it.

Thank you, God.

Matilda, Lesson #2

One of the thoughts that crossed my mind as I was going out to buy Matilda (my car) was, "Well, it's not like I'm marrying this car. If it doesn't work out, I can always sell it and get a different one."

After the buyer's remorse set in once I had bought the car, I reflected on that statement.

You see, God had assured me that He knew my needs and would provide a car for me in His time. Then I waited a year and 3 months. "Isn't it about time already, Lord?" I was beginning to wonder. I kept praying about it, asking, "Aren't you going to provide my car?" Finally, in prayer one day, God gave me the go-ahead. "See, I have provided a car for you." So I went out and looked. The night before I bought Matilda, I spent a good hour in prayer about it, and I had peace about buying the car. I was so overwhelmed with excitement that I could barely sleep. So the next day, I went out and bought it.

Yet excitement turned into buyer's remorse nevertheless, due to the discovery of how bad my gas mileage was. And I had bought it with the kind of determined attitude that said, "I don't care what anybody says, I don't even care if I look into whether this is a good deal; I'm getting this car."

I thought to myself, "How many girls get tired of waiting for God to bring the right mate into their life? How many girls thrust their chin out and say to themselves, 'I am getting a husband'? How many girls make a snap decision to plunge into marriage, and then regret it for the rest of their lives?"

God has assured her that He will provide her a husband in His time. The girl waits. A good deal of time goes by, and she says to herself, "Isn't it about time already, Lord?" Perhaps it is within her power to secure herself a guy. She does it, overcome with excitement and infatuation, and before she really looks closely into his character and habits, she marries him.

Quickly the happy, excited feeling fades away, and she is left with buyer's remorse...only in this transaction there is no backing out of it. No selling the car. No 30-day return policy. No saving your receipt to get store credit. No disputing the transaction with your credit card company. She is stuck.

I think of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. Out of spite, she just up and marries Charles in a snap decision. She doesn't really love him, but she can have him. He's not really right for her, but she can get him. Once they are married, she is bored to death with him. He dies a few months later and she is left a widow with an even more boring existence, because she is expected to wear black and mourn his death.

How sober and careful we must be in following God's direction regarding a life partner!

If I felt trapped and ripped off shortly after buying a cheap old car, how much more disillusioned I would be if I blindly leaped into a similar situation in marriage!

If I kicked myself for not being more careful and doing my research on a car that I will only have for a few years, how much more if it was the husband I would live with for the rest of my life!

If I felt a twinge of jealousy at how much better looking than mine all the other cars on the road were, how much more disastrous it would be to the relationship if I was married and then started "shopping around" for better-looking guys!

If I could make a bad decision when I got in a hurry to "help God out" in his provision of a car, how much more dangerous it would be to get in a hurry to "help" God find the man I was supposed to marry! 

How much better it is to wait on God in perfect trust, confident that He can do everything I need, all on His own initiative. How essential prayer becomes, to connect me to God's eternal purposes and keep me on the right path. 

I will certainly tread more carefully the next time I go out car shopping. 

Let all those tread even more carefully who would venture to go "husband-shopping." 

Matilda

About a month ago, I bought my first car. Yay! I have wheels!

It is a 1996 Mercury Grand Marquis, quite the old lady car, so I named her Matilda.

Getting this car proved to hold an interesting lesson.

I had been wanting to buy a car for over a year, and I had been needing one for longer than that. I worked three jobs and scrimped and saved for over a year just to get $3000 together so that I could buy a cheap car. (Before that, the car I was driving was my dad's 1984 Mercedes with 380,000 miles on it. It finally gave up the ghost, and I was left borrowing other people's cars and walking or biking to work. Fortunately my job was only 3.5 miles away!)

God had assured me during this process, "I am your Father. I will provide a car for you. Don't worry about it. I will bring it to pass." And I had trusted in this assurance as well as I could.

I also felt very insecure about getting a car and didn't want to get ripped off, so I did a lot of research over the course of the year. My dad gave me some used car appraisal sheets that I could use to compare notes on different cars, and I started frequenting craigslist, autotrader, and edmunds.com. Every time I would go to look at a car, I would meticulously fill out one of my little sheets, go look up the VIN number online, and read reviews on it.

What I really wanted was an orange car. (What can I say? Orange is my favorite color.) I didn't really think it was asking that much. Say an orange, 4-door sedan, under 100,000 miles, good gas mileage, manual transmission. I would look on autotrader for those specifications, and NEVER would anything come up in my price range. Never. Not in the whole country. You can put in your zip code and then search within a certain radius of your home--well, I would say "any distance" from my zip code and still wouldn't get any results. Weird. Why are orange cars so uncommon, when they're the best color ever?

Then, one day in March, I saw a little Ford Escort station wagon in a used car lot along the highway. I pulled in and asked the lady the price. She initially said $3999, but if I paid cash, she said she could give it to me for $3200. That was a little higher than what I could pay, but hey, I thought, you can always barter these places down. I went home and looked it up online, came back with my little evaluation sheet, and wrote down all the specifications. It looked like it might have had a little fender bender once. There was dog hair all over all the seats. There was no power anything and no cruise control, but hey... that's what you get when you get a cheap car. I test drove the car and drove it to the bank, where I withdrew $3000 cash.

"I am getting this car," I said to myself with a stubborn thrust of my chin. "I don't care what's wrong with it. I'm just sick and tired of not having a car. I'm going to surprise my family and drive home in my own car today. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do."

I walked in to the office and started talking price with her. "Oh! Did I say $3200? Hmmmm. That was a mistake. The lowest I was really supposed to go is $3400," she said. "But--since I told you $3200, I guess I can give it to you for that." I couldn't talk her down. She didn't even care about selling the car to me. Before I was even done talking to her, she got on the phone and the conversation was over. I walked away with my cash still safe in its envelope.

That evening, however, I was on my way to a class I attend, and I happened to be a few minutes early. "I'm just going to pull into this other dealership," I thought. I drove around and looked at the cars and then a salesman walked up to me, so I got out of my car and walked around with him. He took me over near the Mercury when I told him my price range, and I barely even glanced at it. "No, that's an old lady car." I wasn't even willing to consider it. So he showed me some other cars, all the while treating me like a princess. We were back to my car and I was just about to leave when the boss stuck his head out the door of the building. "Did you say your price range was $3000?" he said. I said yes. "How about that Mercury?" he said. "We could give you the Mercury for $3000, taxes and fees included." I had forgotten which car the Mercury was by this point, because I really hadn't even given it a thought. We walked back over to it and when we got close, I realized, "Oh, it's this one." But the salesman was talking all about how nice it was, how it only had 85,000 miles on it, how it was owned by an old lady and garage kept all its life, how it was worth $6000 and they were going to let it go for $3 (hahahaha... worth $6000... riiiiiiight).

I was at a very dangerous moment. I was already taken over with that little chin-thrust attitude, "I am getting a car today." I was dazzled by the great paint job on the car. (It's blue, by the way.) Somehow, in a flash, I was sold on the car. I hadn't driven it, I hadn't filled out my little sheet, I hadn't even seen it from any angle other than from the driver's side back corner. The only problem was, I hadn't brought my money with me.

No problem, the dealer assured me. Come back tomorrow. We'll even pick you up.

Okay. deal.

They picked me up from work the next day and I handed over the money. I didn't end up getting it with the taxes and fees included, because the way they were going to do that was by lying on the title and putting down that I bought it for like $30, so that the taxes wouldn't be high, and I refused to go along with that, so I ended up having to pay the taxes too. But I didn't care. I was getting a car. (Now I think I could have negotiated that: Lower the price of the car or I'm walking out. But I didn't, and it's too late now. Live and learn.)

I drove the car home.

Parked it in the driveway.

Wow, this thing is a beast.

And I wonder how much gas this V8 engine is going use up?

I looked up the gas mileage. According to the cool little digital thingie in the dashboard of the car, the average MPG was 9.0. I calculated the cost of going to work and going to church at the current gas price (which was then $3.50).

Ahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaaaa! Ack! It was going to cost me $17 just to go to church!
It would cost me $3 just to go to work, a distance that I could walk. I'll be throwing a quarter and a dime out the window every single mile!

Suddenly I was wishing that life had an undo button. Oops! Ctrl + Z! Let's do that one over!

But other than selling the car for the price I paid for it (which I now doubted I could even do), there was no way to get out of this one.

Great. Now I was stuck with a gas hog, and I was never going to be able to afford to drive anywhere.

That night I wrote in my journal about my thoughts regarding it.

I thought I wanted a car, I reflected, but what I really wanted was freedom. Freedom to go on road trips. Freedom to be my own person, to go places without asking if someone needs the car, to do things I want to do without being hindered by lack of transportation to get there. I thought I was buying freedom for myself. Apparently, I wasn't. At least, it's going to cost me a lot more than I bargained for. Forget about road trips--I won't even be able to afford to go to church!

I didn't get the freedom I thought I was getting. But then I heard the sweet whisper of God's voice in my ear, and suddenly I knew why He had allowed me to get myself into this situation--just to teach me this one lesson.

True freedom is not found in roaming around geographically.
True freedom is found in Christ alone.

True freedom is not freedom from external restraints in my life (like lack of money or transportation).
True freedom is freedom from sin.

If I find my freedom in how many trips I get to take a year, I do not know the meaning of freedom.
If I find my freedom in being able to do things without asking anyone, I do not know the meaning of freedom.
I must find my freedom in Christ alone.

In Christ, I could be in a prison cell and still be free.
Apart from Christ, I could be a millionaire, driving the nicest hot rod in the country, and still be in bondage.

I am free--not because I have car keys, but because I have the living Christ reigning within my heart.

And this is more valuable than all the nice, efficient, orange cars in the world.

God's unmistakeable provision

In the last few weeks, I have been reading through the New Testament, and the thing that has stood out to me this time through has been the topic of God's provision.

Verses like these have really spoken to me:

"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

"But we beseech you, brethren, that ye increase more and more; and that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; that ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing." 1 Thessalonians 4:10-12

"For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you; neither did we eat any man's bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us. For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread." 2 Thessalonians 3:7-12

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Through these passages, God has brought me to the question, "Do I trust God to provide for my needs, or not?" 

I initially answered, "Yes." (Of course I did. That's the "right" answer. How could I answer no?) 

However, I came to see that deep down inside, I really felt that I ultimately had to trust myself. 

Trusting in myself, I went down to a local restaurant that had a "Now Hiring" sign outside, and I filled out a job application for a waitress position. I really did need to make more money, and I thought this would be the best way to "help" God to provide for my needs. 

Then God decided to confirm His word and show me, in real life, how things would be if HE was taking the initiative and providing for me. 

First, out of the blue, I got a call from a parent wanting to set up piano lessons with their daughter. They had "somehow" found my music teaching profile online, on a music lessons site where I had filled out a profile but had never paid, so technically it shouldn't have even displayed. Each new student I get is $40 extra a month that I make. 

Then, totally unexpectedly, the principal at the school where I work heard me playing the piano and offered to send out a letter to the parents of every child in the school, advertising my piano studio. :-O I designed a flyer and gave it to him, and he's even going to make the copies for me! 

Then, just as unforeseen, a family from church asked me to house sit and watch their dog while they went away on vacation. This opportunity came back to back with another housesitting job that I had been asked to do, so I went from one person's house to the other with not even a day's interruption between them.

Again, out of the blue, someone "accidentally" found me online, didn't even see a phone number, and had the initiative to look me up in the phone book, where they managed to find me under my parents' name and call to set up piano lessons for their son. 

Nothing ever came of the waitressing job, but with all the things God did for me, I will make that little bit extra that I was looking for. I am totally blown away by the fact that God did those things, all on His own initiative, without the least bit of my help. I am also blessed by the fact that these opportunities have been much less time-consuming and far more stress-free than the waitressing job would have been. 

Thank you, God, for fulfilling Your Word!

Jehovah Jireh is my provider!

Seeing and hearing...vexed his soul?

I was struck by this verse while doing my devotions yesterday:

"And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;)" (2 Peter 2:7-8)

Lot vexed his soul, not by participating in the evil deeds of the wicked, but just by seeing and hearing them.

I often think (especially regarding movies), "Seeing and hearing this thing won't hurt me--it would only be wrong for me to participate in it."

So this verse challenged me to think a little deeper and be a little more careful. I may not be in danger of committing the actual deed, but I am still in danger of "vexing my soul" whenever I see and hear sinful acts.

So what is a vexed soul? Is it really that bad? In Lot's life, we see evidence of a vexed soul in the fact that he would offer his two daughters to the wicked men outside his door.

How could he give innocent women to be raped by a gang of lustful men?
Could he not tell that this was wrong?

No, because his soul was vexed. Even while he successfully maintained righteous standards for one form of evil, he unconsciously became desensitized to other forms of evil. He had his guard up against one, but his guard against the others vanished.

How many Christians have "vexed their souls" watching movies that contain sex, violence, rebellion against authority, foul language, and other wicked acts? How many excuse it for one reason or another, never realizing the damage they are doing to their souls?

More importantly, how have I vexed my soul in my life? Am I taking care of my soul? Am I living in such a way as to protect my soul from wounds and damage? Or do I think, "Hey, I'm strong. I can watch this movie or this television program without any damage to my Christian walk. I mean, it's not like I'm going to go out and do those things." This type of reasoning doesn't work in the light of this passage.

Let me do what David did, when he said in Psalm 101:3, "I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me."