Witnessing vs. Banking: Parallels at work

It's amazing what God can use to teach you through a secular job and unsaved coworkers and customers. 

One of the things I do every day is stand out front and hand out flyers to people who are walking by the bank. This feels exactly like handing out tracts, and it provides some interesting insights on doing Christian literature distribution.  

•  I used to think when I was handing out tracts, "Oh, people are just so hardened to the gospel. No one will accept a tract." No, actually, no one wants ANY kind of literature shoved in their face. It doesn't matter if it's a flyer advertising free checking accounts or free salvation. It's not necessarily the content that people are opposed to, it's the interruption when they are passing by.  

•  I used to feel unspiritual for not wanting to hand out tracts. Now I realize that this is an activity that is universally difficult, whether it's love of money or love of Jesus that motivates you to do it. NONE of my coworkers like handing out flyers. They state frankly that they can't handle the rejection. The reluctance to go up to a complete stranger and hand them a piece of literature is not unique to Christians. It is intimidating whether or not there is anything spiritual about it. 

•  Handing out flyers is something you can get better at with practice. In a month and a half, I have gained skills, learned more about how to read people, and improved my ability to give out flyers. I discovered that if you stand still with the flyers in your hand, no one will take one all day long. In fact, it seems they will go out of their way to escape you, studiously avoiding eye contact. However, there is a way to get a flyer into the hand of that person who is studiously avoiding eye contact. First, greet the person with a warm smile and a genuine, "How are you doing today?" They will make eye contact. Then hold out the flyer, and casually take a few steps in the direction they are walking so they won't have to be bothered to stop. If you hold out the flyer while you are saying, "How are you," it doesn't work. The flyer must come an instant AFTER the greeting, but before they have a chance to break eye contact. (I have experimented with the timing on this.) And lo and behold, their hand will make an imperceptible move toward the flyer, or two fingers will spread out to receive it, and the flyer will go into their hand. Little techniques like this make a difference in terms of delivery. Whether or not they actually read it is a different story, but certainly more will get read if more get delivered. 

•  There are always some people who will rudely reject you, some who will reluctantly take a flyer, some who will pause for a short conversation, and some who want what you have to offer right away. Don't take it personally when they are rude. Don't stress about the person who reluctantly took the flyer. Be ready to plant a few key ideas in the mind of the person who stops to have a short conversation. Know how to deliver the goods to the person who wants it today. 

•  Usually the person who consents to open up a checking account is not the recipient of the flyer, but someone who is aware of some sort of problem. They come to us with a check that they couldn't cash elsewhere. They can't get a bank account with another bank because of a bankruptcy or other issue. There is a check-cashing fee for non-customers that we can waive if they open up an account. This is the easiest person to work with. Same with the gospel. If a person has an awareness of the problem (sin), they don't need a flyer as much as they need to be offered the gospel, and they will be the readiest to receive it. (Does this render the flyer distribution unnecessary? No, because it is reaching a different person at a different level, the person who needs a sound byte, the person who doesn't have awareness of a problem, the person who is just walking along, minding their own business, oblivious to you and the issue you represent. The flyer creates initial awareness for that person that can possibly bear fruit later. And even if we don't understand all this reasoning, we pass out flyers because the higher-ups ask us to. It's part of our job, simple as that. Also, being out there handing out the flyers allows us to interact with a higher percentage of "people with a problem" than if we stood at our teller windows all day and waited for them to come to us. A few come to us out of their own initiative, but a far greater number walk on by, unaware that we could offer them a solution, unless we are out there, drawing them in and engaging them in conversation.)

The skit

This is the skit that Mom & I did in the jail. Enjoy!

Theme: Salvation message

Characters:

Rebekah: A lost person who is miserable but open and seeking

Susan: A Christian who is counseling her to salvation

 

R:         Oh, I am so empty, so hopeless, and so miserable! Everyone around me is annoying. Everything is going wrong. My life is out of my control, and I keep making mistakes that make things even worse.

S:         It sounds like you need Jesus. Can I tell you about him?

R:         I already know about Him. He is the Son of God, he died on the cross for my sins, and he rose again from the dead. It doesn’t help. I went to chuch all my life.

S:         That’s great that you know about Jesus, but you know, knowing about Jesus is different from knowing Him.

R:         What do you mean?

S:         You might know about Barak Obama, but you can’t call him on the phone and talk to him about your personal problems and know that he cares or expect him do something about it. Lots of people know about Jesus, but they don’t have that personal relationship with him. When I came to know Him personally, He changed my life.

R:         Okay, that makes sense. What do I need to do differently? I mean, what have I done wrong? I did everything I could. I went to church.

S:         Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going in the garage makes you a car. When Jesus died on the cross, He shed His blood for your sins so that you could be forgiven.

R:         You know, that’s the thing I don’t get. How does the blood of a guy who died 2,000 years ago have anything to do with me?

S:         Well, let’s go back to the beginning of time to answer that question. God created the world and placed Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. He gave them a command: “Don’t eat of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you do, you will surely die.” In other words, if you disobey, you will pay for it with your blood. Adam and Eve disobeyed, and now they owed God their blood. All their descendants committed sin, too. You’re included in that. You owe God your blood. You deserve to die for the sins you have committed. When Jesus died and shed His blood, He offered himself in your place. God is willing to accept His sacrifice on your behalf—His blood for yours.

R:         That’s cool…so does that just automatically happen to me?

S:         No, God’s word says, “The just shall live by faith.” It also says, “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Jesus said, “This is the work of God, that you believe on Him whom He hath sent.” Your job is to have faith. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.”

R:         [shrugs] I do believe.

S:         There’s a difference between Biblical faith and checking off a mental True/False test in your head. Many people can spout off the correct answers. Jesus was the Son of God: True. Jesus died for my sins: True. Jesus rose from the dead on the third day: True. That’s mental assent, but it’s not Biblical faith.

R:         Then what does faith mean?

S:         Faith means abandoning all hope in yourself that you will ever do anything good, and placing all of your trust, hope, and dependence on Jesus. You give every part of your life to him. You turn from your way of doing things and make Him the Master. You trust Him to do what you could never do—not just obtain forgiveness of your sins from God, not just get a home in heaven someday, but you look to him and believe that He can enable you to overcome sin. You surrender. You let go of your way of doing things. You invite Him to come in and change you.

R:         Ha. My track record is so bad, I’ll never be any different.

S:         Well, see there? You don’t really believe. You are looking within yourself for the solution. You have tapped into all of your inner resources and have come up empty. That doesn’t matter. Jesus lived out a perfect life while He was here on earth. When you invite Him to come in, He can live out His life through you. But you must look to Him and believe Him to do it.

R:         That sounds like wishful thinking to me.

S:         It would be wishful thinking if it wasn’t based on the Word of God. But God cannot lie. His promises are trustworthy. You can depend on His Word. What He has revealed to us in Scripture is the truth. He offers Jesus to anyone who will believe on Him, not just to leave us miserable on earth and then take us to heaven when we die, but to change us, enable us, and empower us to live out His commands while we are here on earth. Admittedly, His commands are impossible for us to carry out. That’s why we need Him to live in us and carry them out through us.

R:         Does the Bible really say all that?

S:         Galatians 2:20 says, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

            Romans 8:11 says, “But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.”

            There are many other passages that teach this truth in depth, but the fact of the matter is, God offers you His own Son. Jesus offers to come and indwell you with His Spirit (the Holy Spirit), and His power becomes available to you to live out a holy life.

R:         Well, I certainly know I can’t trust myself to get anywhere. I want Him to do it for me. I don’t know how it works, though.

S:         You believe Him. You come to Him by faith. That’s your job. You believe, and He works. Believe that He can do this, believe that He will, and believe that it is available personally for you. He said so, and it’s the truth. Invite Him to come into your life and change you, and surrender the control of your life over to Him. “The just shall live by faith.” You don’t just say “I believe” and then go on and forget about it. You live each day trusting in Him to do His work in you.

R:         Ah. Well, that’s amazing if He can actually…work…in me…like…my life would be a stage for divine action?

S:         That’s exactly it.

R:         I’ve never seen it happen before, but if He’s God, He can do anything He wants, right?

S:         He sure can. Why don’t you tell Him right now that you trust Him to do this?

R:         OK. Um, Jesus? I’m in a mess, and I know I’ve done it all wrong. I know I’ll keep on doing it wrong and I can’t depend on myself. Help me to believe—I believe in you, but I want to believe in the way that actually means something and gets somewhere. I offer myself to you. I’m backing off. I’m letting go of the control of my life. You can take it. I want to know you, not just know about you, but know you personally. Will you come to live in me? Will you do God-sized things in my life? Thank you, God. Amen.

Oh how He loves you

Today I arrived in the Denver airport quite a few hours before my flight departed. I sat with one of my fellow Ellerslie students who was also going home until her flight left, and then I meandered towards my gate.

I was passing by a booth where a woman was trying to get people to sign up for the airline's credit card, and I heard her trying to attract people's notice.

"Sir, what airline are you flying today?" Her voice was strident, whining.

"Would you like to get a free flight?" It sounded like she was working as hard as she could to hide the fact that she desperately hated her job.

People brushed past her, hurrying here and there to their flights, and I myself scooted around the long way so she wouldn't have a chance to catch me.

Then the Lord spoke to my heart.

"Why don't you speak to that woman?"

I froze. "What?"

"Go up and speak to her."

My mind started racing. What would I do?

I was riding one of those conveyor belts they have in airports, going away from her. God asked me, "Do you love her enough to turn around and go back to her?" Then He gave me this supernatural love welling up inside me for her, and when I got to the end of the moving walkway, I turned around and rode the belt back.

She was speaking with a customer. Was that a good enough excuse for me to give up the idea? God asked me, "Do you love her enough to wait for her to finish with this person?" Then He gave me an extra dose of love for her, welling up inside me and loving her with Jesus's love. I sat against a wall, praying for her, and praying for the strength to go up and speak to her, and God gave it to me. I didn't really know what I would say.

First I let her give me the plug for the credit card. I listened. Then I said, "Actually, I came over here because I wanted to talk to you."

She looked shocked.

"I understand if you're working, and if you're busy and can't talk, I'll go away. But I noticed how hard you were working, and..."

I was floundering. I didn't know where I was going. Her face manifested great curiosity of what this odd person was going to say to her. I saw that she was intrigued, listening, and it gave me courage to go on.

"...I was just wondering if you knew about Jesus."

Her face hardened. She gave a curt "Yes."

"And do you love Him?" I asked. All the love inside me wanted to gush all over her.

Her face grew harder still. "I'm...okay with him."

"And do you know that He loves you?" I said. I hoped that she would sense God's love as it poured through me to her.

"Yes," she said, coldly.

"Listen," she continued, "Why don't you hit up my coworker over there?"

"Do you think she would be more interested?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Who knows?" she said. The hardness in her eyes glittered with deep-buried hurts. "Maybe."

"Well, I'll just leave you with that thought," I said wistfully.

She gave a brief nod and turned away. Hard lines remained in the set of her jaw. The conversation was over.

I walked down the hallway of the airport concourse, filled with a sense of having obeyed and left the results up to God. That was all I had to do, I realized.

And then God shared with me a little piece of His heart.

His love for that woman filled up my heart and overflowed into tears. She won't receive His love, and His heart weeps for her. He shared with me His tears. He offered me a glimpse of His Father-heart that loves and loves and loves her. He found a willing servant in the airport and sent her to that woman today because He loves her. She rejected that love. She pulled back from it. She closed herself off to it. And His Father-heart weeps, groans, laments, because this woman is precious to Him and she is cold and unresponsive to His call. Today I cried Jesus's tears.

How could I cry for a complete stranger? How could I care about a woman with an annoying voice, selling a credit card I don't want?  How could it be that the tears are running down my cheeks even now at the remembrance of the story?

Because when God finds a willing servant, sometimes he shares His heart. He gives us just a tiny little dose of what His Father-heart feels when one of His children departs far from Him. We feel what He feels. And this burden sends us to prayer.

Going overseas as a Christian tourist

A journey overseas--how strange that just crossing international borders can make you feel more like you are "on mission for God." Home is so mundane, so lackluster, we excuse ourselves for being less than our "best Christian self" at home. After all, it's just home. Everybody knows you. Everything is familiar. You don't feel like being super spiritual; you just want to be yourself. But when you go away, especially if it's far, far away, a place you need a passport and a plane ride to get to, then suddenly you kick into high gear and say to God, "Whoa, here I am! You can use me now!" It's as if we think we suddenly pop onto God's radar screen when we show up in another country and then just as suddenly pop off of it when we arrive back home.

vs.

Anyway, this was more or less my mentality for my first few mission trips, even though all along, I would have looked you in the eye and said to you, "No, I know that you're just as much a missionary at home as you are on the field, and going overseas doesn't make you a missionary." Nevertheless, I still felt like I could label myself as a missionary just because I went on a trip labeled a "mission" trip. Now I look back and say, "You know, I was really nothing more than a Christian tourist."

It's easy to be hard on myself now, after the fact. If I think back to who I was then, I realize that I was acting as honestly and consistently as I knew how. I didn't see the things I now see--I couldn't, in fact, because it took going through these experiences in order to learn the lesson. I thank God for the training ground that He put me though.

But read through the journal entries of any of my early mission trips, and see what stands out to you. What was my emphasis?

vs.

•  The spirit of adventure
•  Exotic sights, smells, and tastes
•  Interesting cultural customs that were different from my own
•  Amazing buildings and different architecture
•  Things that struck me as funny or quaint, like donkeys walking down the city street
•  What I bought and what I wanted to buy
•  Language barrier issues

What was noticeably absent from my journal?

•  A yearning, burning desire to see people hear and understand the gospel
•  Great and unshakable grief that the glory of God was not being uplifted in this culture
•  Determination to be creative and skillful about getting the message out to people
•  Massive dedication to prayer to see God move mightily
•  Any indication that my heart was touched even a little by the eternal destiny of the people I saw


These things were not a major part of my life at home before the mission trip, so it's no surprise that I didn't magically obtain them by breathing exotic, foreign air. The saying does hold true: "You're just as much a missionary at home as you are on the field, and going overseas doesn't make you a missionary." So considering that I was not living as a missionary at home during this period, I was equally not one when I went overseas. I was just a well-meaning tourist. And I had a cool "M" word to tack onto the front of my trip.


But God wasn't finished with me yet, and He used all these experiences to bring me closer and closer to the realities He wanted to teach me.

This post is part of the series My Journey Into Missions.
Next Post: Overseas trips
Previous Post: Call to Evangelism

Call to evangelism

(Continued from My Journey Into Missions)

Ray Comfort, well-known evangelist and author of Hell's Best Kept Secret

About this time, while I was looking for my life's destination in a geographical location, God's call to my life came clearly--and I disobeyed it.

I was 15 years old and had attended a friend's violin lesson with her so that her teacher could help us with a violin/piano duet we were playing. After the lesson was over, we all walked out to the parking lot together, including the teacher, because it was her last lesson of the day, and we were going to go home.

My friend casually asked her teacher what her license plate meant. It read "Y4MS."

"Oh! Okay, I'll tell you that story," her teacher said. "My boyfriend and I were reading Shakespeare together. It was Romeo and Juliet, and I came to the line where it goes, 'Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?' But I accidentally misspoke and said instead, 'Romeo, Romeo, whyfor art thou?' That made us both start laughing, but it ended up sparking a really serious conversation. We started asking 'whyfor'--why are we here? What is the purpose of life? Why are we on this earth? So I put 'Whyfor (Y4) am us (MS)' on my license plate."

At this point, I saw how naturally a gospel presentation would flow into the conversation. After all, I knew the answers to the questions she was asking--or at least, I knew that the Bible contained them, and all I would have to say was, "Well, you know God offers you the answers to the purpose of life," and then talk about the gospel.

God was prompting me to do it. Words were welling up in my throat like a burning fiery pressurized bomb, and my spirit felt so impelled, so yearning to do it, that I could scarcely resist.

But I couldn't get the words out, either. Fear overwhelmed me and swallowed me up. "I'm too shy. I'm too young. She won't listen to me. I don't know what to say."

Into my thoughts came the voice of the Holy Spirit, not audibly, but clear as a bell. "This is ME. God. This is coming from me. Don't resist. Obey me. Open up your mouth and speak!"

"How dare I say no to God?" I wondered within myself. I knew that He would be with me, that all I had to do was say the first few words and He would turn on the flow and I wouldn't have to think of what to say or search for the wording. I almost just took the plunge and did it. If I had done it, I have no doubt the course of my life would have been different. The rest of my teen years could have been far more fruitful and who knows what I could have done for God? I will never know. I need not inquire, for there will be no answer.

But I kept the words back. God warned me again, solemnly. He warned me about the lost fruitfulness I would experience, the lost possibilities. But my flesh flashed out in fear and said, "God, you're just going to have to understand. I just can't. I can't."

I didn't. The conversation was over, we got in our cars, and we drove away, never to see each other again. Surely God lined someone else up to talk to that woman, but I lost something that day. I lost an opportunity to participate in God's work that day, and it set up a pattern that I would unconsciously follow for years.

Next post: Going Overseas as a Christian Tourist

In word, or in power?

"For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance." 1 Thessalonians 1:5 

"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature." 2 Corinthians 5:17 

"I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead." Revelation 3:1 

To one who is a student merely, these verses might be interesting, but to a serious man intent upon gaining eternal life they might well prove more than a little disturbing. For they evidently teach that the message of the gospel may be received in either of two ways: in word only, without power, or in word with power. Yet it is the same message whether it comes in word or in power. And these verses teach also that when the message is received in power it effects a change so radical as to be called a new creation. But the message may be received without power, and apparently some have so received it, for they have a name to live and are dead. All this is present in these texts.--A.W. Tozer, God's Pursuit of Man

I tremble to think how often my witnessing has been in "word only." How often have I gone out in my own strength, with only a token prayer. "God, please be with me today and help me as I communicate your Word." This prayer neither touched my heart nor sprang from faith, but was the kind of thing that I did to tick off a mental checkbox: "I'm supposed to pray--done."

My witnessing was a weak, feeble thing done in my own strength. I look at it now and consider the strongholds and the layers of bondage around any given lost person, and I think it was like walking up unarmed to a walled and guarded castle and merely knocking on the door. "Let me in....I'm here to represent your mortal enemy...please let him take possession of this castle."

Saints of old spoke of wrestling in prayer. Who are you wrestling against? "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:12)

In order to come up against that stronghold, that heavily guarded castle, that bound person, we NEED to come in the power of God. There is no other hope. There is no other way. And in order to see walls come crashing down, chains burst asunder, and opposition flee, we must gain the victory in prayer long before we actually encounter the person face to face with the message of the gospel. 

So I have started laboring in prayer for certain individuals, spending time, praying out loud, praying fervently, beseeching God to gain the victory, asking in faith, and not giving up until God has given me the assurance that the victory is won. 

I think that's going to go better than my old approach.

Get a bride for the King

A parable on witnessing methods


Once upon a time, there was a great king. He was rich and lived in a beautiful castle. One day, he said to his servants, "I would like to get married. Go throughout the countryside and find me a wife."

The first servant went out and met a beautiful girl. "Would you like to get married?" he asked. "No," the girl replied. "I'm too young." The servant found another girl. "Would you like to get married?" "No," the girl replied. "I'm in love with someone else." The servant went to one girl after another, but no one was interested. They all had an excuse why they couldn't be bothered. Either they were in love with someone else, or were too busy, or didn't want all the duties that came with living in the castle, or some other excuse. "I give up," the servant said. "It's useless to try to obey the master's command."

The second servant went out and met the first girl. "Would you like to be rich?" he asked. "Oh yes," the girl replied. "Okay," the servant said. "Here, say these wedding vows, and you'll be married to a rich king who loves you." The girl repeated the vows, and the servant smiled, congratulated her, and left. He went on to the next girl, and the next, and repeated the same process. He met hundreds of girls and did this with each of them. Then, he went back to the king and said, "I have found hundreds of brides for you."

"Okay," the king said. "Where are they?"

"In the towns and countryside, going about their normal lives," the servant said.

"But do they love me? Do they want to be with me? Do they even know me?" the king asked.

"Yes, well, they know your name," the servant said. "And they'll be coming around later for the house and money you promised them."

The king turned around very sad at the thought that his servant mistook this for marriage.

The third servant went before the king and said, "I can't do this without you. Will you please come with me?" So the king and the servant went together into the town.

Soon the servant found a beautiful girl and struck up a conversation with her. "There's someone I'd like you to meet," he said, and introduced her to the king. The king, the servant, and the girl did many things together, and the king lavished his love and affection on the girl. Little by little, he won her heart, and she started to love him back. The day came where they went to church together and got married, pledging their mutual love and commitment to each other. They became one. And for the rest of their lives, they lived together in joyful harmony, rich and full of blessings.

Valdemingómez

The road in

Arrow pointing to the right says "Vertedero," which means "dump."

Ironic: Above the head of the woman in the middle is the word "Cristo" (Christ) written in red graffiti.

The quality of the street goes down...

The black van on the left is a police van.

More police (the guys in the lime green vests)

Two police vans

Rubble from a broken-down house

The cross and the church

Ramshackle dwelling right up against the church

"Joy shall be in heaven...

...over one sinner that repenteth." Luke 15:7

Joy is in my heart, too! I went out to lunch with a friend today, and she prayed with me to accept Christ! PRAISE THE LORD!!! The Lord allowed me to share the gospel with her, and she understood it for the first time. Glorious is our God. :-D

One milestone reached

So God had me where I was obediently witnessing. It was great! I knew it was a huge milestone. It was also a shocking, sobering realization to look back on my previous condition and realize, "Wow! I could never have been a missionary without learning this! Thank you, God, for teaching me that."

I wrote extensively in my journal about the lessons I had learned, started a girl's Bible Study on the theme of "Open Up Your Mouth and Speak," and prepared a document containing the essential message I had learned. I excitedly started witnessing! Whereas in 2008, I had only led three people to Christ, in 2009, I had the privilege of praying with 18 people who wished to receive Christ.

The Master Professor had elegantly and skillfully achieved his goal. He is the type of teacher who never gives up until learning actually takes place. He is also the kind of teacher who moves His pupil right along to the next lesson as soon as the first has been mastered.

Learning to open up my mouth and speak was hard. The new lessons that replaced that one were harder. But these, too, would eventually lead to me looking back and saying, "Wow! I could never have been a missionary without learning this!"

Next Post: A Triple Milestone in Sight
Previous Post: Torn Apart by My Own Perverseness
First Post: Tutored under the Master Professor

Torn Apart By My Own Perverseness

Looking back, it's curious to view that phone call with my piano teacher. In one sense, it marked a turning point for the better. That victory began a gradual process that resulted in subsequent witnessing opportunities becoming easier. I had less and less fear until I was able to open up my mouth and speak without a struggle, without a flutter, mentioning the truths of the gospel message just as naturally as I would bring up any other conversation topic.

But that achievement came at a great price.

You see, every time I would be prompted to witness, I still refused to obey. It was a persistent, steadfast rebellion that trumped all my best pep talks and all my good intentions. I was in a cycle: I prayed for souls and desired them to be saved, I was faced with a witnessing opportunity and turned it down, and then I was filled with remorse and vowed to actually witness the next time.

God was very patient with me through all this.

In the midst of it all, however, I was still largely living by the flesh and not walking by faith, and therefore I was not finding the strength to obey, because I was looking to myself for it rather than accessing grace, which is the only thing that can actually empower obedience. Therefore, I experienced a lot of conflicting emotions, and all the sweet richness of love that I had experienced with my Savior seemed like it was threatening to evaporate as a consequence of my disobedience.

A pang of dread shot through my heart as the warmth and passion and delight of the love in my heart started to fade. The thought of losing the sweetest love in the world suddenly made me realize how much it meant to me. Oh, take out my eyes, destroy all my possessions, and leave me hungry every day--but don't take that! I prayed internally. But even this was not motivation enough to make the flesh do what the flesh did not want to do, because the flesh cannot and will not please God.

The next few witnessing opportunities came along, and I failed them. Flunked them. Kept quiet. Didn't obey God. And in the same measure, I began to lose that delightful, romantic, adventurous LOVE that I had experienced for the past few months. "Noooooooooo," I thought. "Why am I doing this?" And yet there the facts stood. I was not loving God, but He continued to love me. 

A few days later, I flunked yet another opportunity. I was afraid that I wouldn't get another opportunity. I figured that if I didn't ever obey, I would just be left to my own devices and live a miserable, mediocre life. I believe that a lot of the condemnation I was experiencing at this time was coming from the enemy, who kicks a person when they're down. "You're not worthy of God's love. Why should He continue to work with you?" The worst part about it was that he attributed these types of statements to God, and I took the bait and believed I was hearing from God.

But God, who is faithful, merciful, and patient, ultimately triumphed.

He gave me another opportunity, and gave me the strength to witness.

Then he gave me another, and I witnessed again.

And again.

And along the way, a few more failures crept back in, but FINALLY, the pattern was changing.

Finally, I have some obedience in my life in this area. Thus the Lord saw me safely through the crisis until He saw His will formed in me. But the Master Professor was far from finished with His pupil.

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Jump Off A Cliff

Real life always jolts me out of the dream worlds I create for myself. In my dream world, I am the perfect witness, always going about the Lord's business and always saying just the right thing at the right time.

So I was driving along the highway, heading home from a road trip, and it was just me and the Lord. I was disappointed in myself, because that weekend, I had met with my former piano teacher with the express purpose of giving her the gospel, and I had kept my mouth shut. I KNEW that God had opened the doors for the encounter to take place, and I KNEW that I was supposed to witness to her. In an hour-long conversation, I never once brought up the real issue. I skirted it and evaded it, waiting for "the right moment," telling myself it just "wasn't right yet," and saying, "Just a little more small talk." And then it was time to go, and it was too late.

I was kicking myself. All my pep talks to myself had done no good. I could have had this glorious testimony of how I opened up my mouth to speak, and now I didn't even know when I would see her again. We lived 13 hours apart. Why had I blown it? I was so discouraged I wanted to cry. I felt like God would never be able to use me. With this track record, I thought I would probably never speak up. Going into the meeting with her, I had prayed so hard and wanted it so hard. The fact that I didn't speak made me doubt whether I ever would, since I couldn’t imagine praying harder or desiring more strongly that souls would be saved. Afterwards, the Lord prompted me to call her up and say it on the phone, but I repressed that feeling, too.

All this was going through my mind as my rental car skimmed along the highway. The Lord brought into my mind a picture, a memory, of a day when I was about 12 and we went to a place we called "The Pools." It was a beautiful mountain stream that spilled from one deep, round pool to another. You could slide down little waterfalls into the pools or jump off a high rock into the biggest pool. My 12-year-old self was a little afraid to jump off the rock, but my cousin did it so many times and obviously enjoyed herself so much that I finally worked up the courage to do it. I walked up to the edge and was ready to jump, but I lost my nerve. I backed up and tried again, but stopped myself again at the last moment. I returned to the "safe ground" and felt better, regained my courage, and tried again. When I finally jumped, the feeling was so exhilarating that I burst up out of the water with a shout of pure delight, and then I did it over and over again.

Jumping off the rock is like picking up the phone and calling your piano teacher, the Lord whispered to me.

"Ohhhh!" I thought. The wheels of my mind started turning and things started clicking. "What I really wanted to do was speak to her," I thought. "Soulwinning is the thing above all others that I really want to begin to do. But just like I wanted to jump off the rock and didn't at first, something is keeping me back from soulwinning. What is it, Lord? What gives? I don't think it's fear. I don't think I'm afraid to witness. I know how to share the gospel. I'm not afraid I won't know what to say. So what is keeping me from it?"

And in his most excellent teaching style, perfectly suited and tailored to individual little me, he proposed an exercise which would reveal the answer.

"Ask yourself this question," he proposed. "Ask yourself, 'Would I pick up the phone and call her right now?'"

I asked myself the question, phone in hand. Immediately, an excuse came into my mind. "I don't have free cell phone minutes right now, so it's not a good time."

"Now," the Lord guided me, "weigh that excuse in the balance. Weigh the pennies it will cost you to make the phone call against the value of her eternal soul."

"Oh." I thought. "Right. What will the phone call cost? Not even close to five dollars. So that excuse goes out the window."

"Ask yourself again," the Lord said.

"Okay. The question remains before me. Would I pick up the phone and call my teacher?" Immediately, an excuse came to my mind. "You're driving, and it's not a good idea to talk on the phone while you're driving. Besides, you don't even know if it's legal to drive and talk on the phone in this state."

I weighed that excuse in the balance. I had already talked to Mom twice on the phone. I simply put it on speakerphone on my lap and had no inconvenience at all. I also knew that if the phone rang again, I would not hesitate to answer it and talk to whoever called. So that excuse had to go out the window, too.

Now, Rebekah," I said to myself, "The question still stands. Would you pick up the phone and call your teacher right now?" Immediately, an excuse came to my mind. "She might not pick up."

"Rebekah!" I scolded myself. "It’s shameful how instantly you come up with excuses. I think this one must be the stupidest of all. If she doesn't pick up, then it lets you off the hook from having to talk to her, so what's the point of making an excuse that would accomplish the same objective?" And I tossed that excuse out the window.

"The question, therefore, still stands before you, weightier than ever. Will you call your teacher right now?" Immediately, an excuse came to mind. "She might not listen."

"Notice," I exclaimed to myself, "How readily you come up with excuses! Immediately they spring to your mind. Now this one doesn't even merit much consideration. Long ago I had it settled that there is no such thing as speaking the gospel in vain. Whether she listens is not the point. The point is, WILL YOU call her?"

This process went on for probably 6 or 7 excuses, all of which turned out to be stupid, false fronts, smoke screens, or bluffs. Finally, the excuses stopped coming. I even hunted around for another excuse and couldn't find one. (The scary thing is, up until that day, a single one of those excuses would have sufficed to defeat me. I would have simply accepted it as a good reason without any evaluation at all.)

When the flow of excuses stopped, I faced a sobering reality. "Rebekah, will you call your teacher? Because if the answer is no, you’ll have to face up to the fact that it stems exclusively from fear. You are afraid to do it."

Now, you have to understand my background regarding fear. I prided myself on being fearless. I considered it as repulsive and despicable to be afraid, and "fear" was practically a dirty word in my vocabulary, (except for fear of God, which I allowed). As a kid, I would rack my brain to try to think of anything I was afraid of, and come up empty, and that made me glad. So here, to admit to fear in myself was unthinkable. I could not be afraid—I must prove I was unafraid. Therefore, I had to answer yes, that I would call her. God had cleverly trapped me. He did it so deftly, so elegantly. He had me exactly where he wanted me by playing on his intimate knowledge of me.

Okay, get a grip, Rebekah. You’re going to call her, I thought. It was like walking right up to the edge of that rock at the pools and planning to jump. Suddenly, I was breathing hard, my heart was beating faster, my legs were trembling, my mind was racing. (Wow, I really am afraid, I realized.) I cried out to God for His help. I called on Him for His aid, His strength, words to say to her, calmness in my voice. As I prayed, I started to cry, tears of anguish and love for the state of my piano teacher's soul. And then, when I had finished praying, I took a deep breath, calmly opened my phone, and dialed her number. It rang one, two, three, four, five times. Then the answering machine picked up. I hung up without leaving a message.

I went through all that agony, just to do that. It really wasn’t that hard. And after I was off the phone, even though I hadn't even talked to her, I was filled with overwhelming, amazing joy. I was laughing, crying with joy at the fact that I had been victorious through the power of God. I was thanking God for his good work, for helping me, for guiding me. I was so elated. It was just like the jubilation I experienced after I faced the rock and jumped off into the water.

That experience marked a turning point in my journey—for better—and for worse.

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Previous Post: Open Up Your Mouth And Speak

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Open Up Your Mouth and Speak

God couldn't have been more clear about my life purpose. "Open up your mouth and speak the message of the gospel to lost souls you meet."

THAT was the point it all hinged on. I thought I was a missionary when I was in Spain--I claimed to be one--I lived like a Christian--I was active in church--I passed out tracts--I visited the hospital--I did Bible studies--I led the choir--I looked for ways to do ministry. But when it came to that one thing, my lips were sealed. Down in the core of my being, I was profoundly unwilling to do one thing: activate my vocal chords for the advancement of God's kingdom.

Why?

Why would I balk at that? It should have been so simple. I talked freely and easily about anything else. Small talk, sports, politics, TV, movies, music, ideas, relationships, all came to my lips unhindered and poured out in a fluent stream as I tried to be friendly to people I met and strike up conversations "that could lead to spiritual things." I would even consciously try to coax the conversation around to making the perfect setup for linking into the gospel--where just one phrase would transition us as naturally as can be into talking about the Lord. Let's say you're talking about gardening. You say something like "Have you ever thought of the world as a garden, with people growing in it?" so that they can make a comment along those lines, which you will respond with, "It reminds me of Jesus's parable of the sower. Have you ever heard that parable?" Then you can take it from there (depending on their responses) and use that parable to explain the gospel message or ask them what kind of ground they think they are.

I got lots of these opportunities. I failed to take up any of them. The Lord would drop a perfect situation into my lap, as perfect a setup as I could wish, where all I had to do was insert that one key phrase and go from there. And every time, I would toss that phrase away and select something else, something safe, something trite or flippant or lighthearted, that would steer me away from the "danger zone" I had approached so closely.

Why, though? That was so stupid. I knew it was stupid. I would berate myself for it afterwards. Opportunities to rescue people's precious souls, just thrown out.

God called me to open up my mouth and speak, but something was stopping me. I didn't really even know what it was.

One day, he very cleverly trapped me in a real-life situation to show me exactly what the problem was.

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