I said "no" again this morning. The alarm went off, and I shut it off and quickly went back to bed, bumping my head really hard because I had forgotten I had moved to a different room and was in a bunk bed. That could have been enough to wake me up, but I said no and closed my eyes and was asleep in an instant, waking up at 7:00.
And yet the Lord has come back in sweetness, to woo me back to Himself.
I was praying while I got my breakfast ready and saying, "Lord, fulfill all your purposes in me and let it not be said that I was your fiercest opponent." And the thought struck me that I think I really am. How preposterous is that? It's not Satan--he was defeated 2,000 years ago at the cross. He plays into God's hands, even when he is bent on opposing God. He is subservient to God's instructions and permissions. When God says, "Do this," Satan doesn't say "No."
Who am I to say no to the living God? And how is it that He continues to love me and bless me? Yet He reassures me; He continues to help me, He works on me, He trains me.
I see that I am not submitted in this area. How can I be? I love sleep so much? How can I come to be submitted? I find no strength to deny myself the pleasure of the sleep I so dearly love.
But God is able to do even this.
He is able to deliver me and so completely change me around, that one day I will say to those who would dissuade me from prayer, "How can I stop? I love prayer so much. How can I come to stop? I find no strength to deny myself the pleasure of the prayer I so dearly love."
Lord--let it come to pass. Tame me.