I slept in 2 hours past my alarm again.
I finally began to pray, and I immediately got distracted. I tried to cut down on distractions--I prayed standing up and walking back and forth in the upstairs hall with all the bedroom doors closed--and I still found myself standing still, doing nothing, looking at my fingernails for about 20 minutes. Things like that are discouraging.
I am asking for an anointing, a breakthrough, a move of the Holy Spirit on my life to take complete possession, and I find I am rebellious, hard-hearted, self-centered, proud, and fighting against God. I find that I do indeed have Jesus; He has given Himself to me, but I have not surrendered myself fully to Him; He does not fully have me. This must not be.
I asked the Lord, "How did David Brainerd and those other guys DO it? How does anyone fight off tiredness in order to get up in the morning at 4:00?" It went quiet. Then I realized (and said aloud), "If the power of God is the power of God, then it can overcome tiredness."
I am just not accessing or tapping into that power, either for tiredness or for prayer or for anything else, probably.
How do I access that power, that grace?
Everyone says He flows in of His own accord when we open the door. He is knocking. He wants to come in. It is I who don't want Him. That is surely evident in my own case.
How do I open up the door? By faith.
How do I live by faith? By looking to the WORD.
What does the Word say about God giving us His power? "Being strengthened with all might according to His glorious power," "Striving according to His working, which worketh in me mightily," etc.
So what do I do? I receive the command, open the door, and set about obeying, trusting that His power and grace will be given.
Is that right?