I sat down and brainstormed my weekly schedule and discovered that even working a full time job, there would be about 35 hours a week that I could squeeze out from the little gaps between other tasks. That is almost another full-time job, holding out hope that I might truly have the possibility of accomplishing some of my goals.
However, there are two obstacles to really utilizing these 35 hours per week to their full potential. One is that things will inevitably crowd in to this. There will always be little things like polishing my shoes, opening my mail, and organizing my room that eat up an hour here and two hours there.
The second obstacle is much more serious. My biggest obstacle is myself. My willingness to waste those little moments. The readiness to be slack, to make excuses, to look into my mind and see if I have the urge to tackle this project, and not finding one, being willing to do nothing.
Being willing to do nothing.
That is a problem indeed, meriting its own brainstorm. When time is abundant, I fail to use it properly, and when time gets crowded, I let things drop all the more. Unfortunately, the things that get dropped are not always the things that are the lowest priority. Instead, it is often the things that I am putting off or finding difficult or not motivated on or otherwise procrastinating about.
I desperately need a strategy for this.
Ultimately, the answer for doing things I don't want to do is the gospel. I desperately need to walk in the victory of the gospel.
If I am doing that, then this is possible. I could work a full-time job and set up a business. Have income and create what I want to create.
Brainstorm on fixing this willingness to do nothing
I find that this is the case, and I disapprove of this being the case, so therefore I must discover a strategy for eliminating this willingness to do nothing.
Are you serious? Are you really willing to do nothing? Are you able to live with yourself when you sit around and let time pass without utilizing it to the maximum of its potential? Don't you know you can't get that back? Don't you abhor the wasting of your life? Don't you see how much impact you could have by maximizing your moments to the fullest? Think of the income you could generate, the extra studies you could accomplish, the amazing stuff you could produce (songs, works of authorship, businesses, and other works of creative genius). Don't you realize that you are bored at work if you don't have enough to do, and you will be bored with life if you don't make much of it? Do you see how massive your tendency is to let the little moments pass unheeded? Do you not mourn their passing? Do you not see your life slipping away? Do you not recognize how much more fulfilling it is to not prefer leisure, but rather prefer intense, unflagging productivity? Then let no energy pass unused, let no stone remain unturned, let no strategy remain only partially implemented, but get up and RUN forward in the worthy pursuit of the things that will make your life count.
Cool-headed assessment of the situation
I just spent a week and a half at my sister's, and during the day I was purely free to pursue my own desire. My sister and her husband were at work, and I had the quiet house all to myself from 5:00 am until 4:00 pm. That is 11 hours of solitude and peace conducive to productivity. So what did I do? I slept in, took a shower late, dawdled around making food, mindlessly surfed my computer, and only got around to working on my book once.
This is my default when I am left to myself to choose what to do. This will continue to be my default unless something changes.
And this is unacceptable.
Hence the necessity of a strategy. A pep talk is good, but not enough. A pep talk is inspiration for action, but it is not the same as the action itself, nor does it have the ability to produce or cause action. All it can do is inspire action. That is not enough. Strategy will move this unproductive human being closer to actually achieving the goal of action.
The strategy cannot include a reliance on the sudden discovery of huge amounts of willpower and drive and matchless work ethic. I don't have those naturally. If I did, I would already be using them instead of brainstorming a strategy right now.
The fact is, I don't have those things, and I have been puzzling for a long time over what to do with myself given that 1) I am bored working in the kind of position where you don't need or use those qualities, and 2) I disqualify myself for any other kind of position simply by not possessing those qualities. I have been puzzling over this for about 4 years now, ever since I discovered that there was absolutely nothing I knew of that I could wield over myself that could cause me to do what I didn't want to do, and what I didn't want to do was work. This is a sure recipe for failure.
The Strategy is the Gospel
Fortunately, I have discovered that there is one tool that actually does work for making myself be someone I am not and do things I would not do and wield strength I don't have. That is the gospel. The grace of God is bigger than me and the power of the gospel can actually bring me through this brick wall of the problem of my own self that I always encounter when I want to get something done.
Whether or not I am walking in the faith of the gospel is THE determining factor for whether I have it in me to start a business, write a book, do ministry, or any other thing that is important to me that previously I had failed at.
So there is where I need to center my strategy. I must strategically live in the power of the gospel, and then everything else will fall into place.
Even that is something that requires the power of the gospel in order to do it. I could say, "I will guard my ability to walk in the gospel by maintaining fervent prayer and disciplined Bible study," but those things themselves are impossible to me without the power of the gospel.
The walk of faith is SO DIFFERENT from the walk if self reliance. It is something hard to get used to, hard to practice, hard to figure out, hard to maintain. I say "hard," not because faith is hard—faith is easy—but because it is hard to surrender control, hard to admit reliance on another, hard to give up my pride, hard to even perceive something that doesn't require cerebral work like "figuring it out" and doesn't require physical work like "just doing it" because it is outside the worldly realm and exclusively in the spiritual realm. Spiritual things are imperceptible except to the eyes of faith. Grace is inaccessible but through the conduit of faith.
Therefore the cry of my heart becomes, "Oh, for more faith!"
But the resulting step that naturally occurs to a mind still in the track and theme of "let me brainstorm a strategy to solve this" is, "Ok, if I need more faith, then let my strategy center on getting more faith, improving my faith, and strengthening my faith." Interestingly, though, I already know the single step for doing this. It is simply looking into Jesus.
Therefore, my entire conclusion for this entire document is that I must look unto Jesus. That is the only answer, the only option, the exclusive solution. Do that, and I will have faith. Have faith, and I will have access to grace. Get grace, and I will have the strength and divine empowerment to do something different than I would have done if left to my own devices. Be divinely empowered, and I can succeed in book writing, business creation, and whatever other endeavors I undertake.
My strategy is formed. Walking in it is easy, but not automatic. Let me fix my eyes on Jesus and walk in the power of the spirit. That is my path.
"The worldling does not care for Christ because he has never hungered and thirsted after Him. But the Christian is athirst for Christ. He is in a dry and thirsty land where no water is and his heart and his flesh pant after God, yes, for the living God! And as the thirsty soul dying, cries out, “Water! Water! Water!” so the Christian cries out, “Christ! Christ! Christ!” This is the one thing necessary for me and if I have it not, this thirst will destroy me!"—Charles Spurgeon