The flesh's crucifixion

I have been praying, studying, and pursuing a new revelation of God's truth to my soul in the area of being crucified with Christ. A book that has been very helpful in this study has been The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. I had read it before, but this re-read has been particularly blessed. Watchman Nee was a Chinese man, and his illustrations and explanations are vivid, clear, and simple.

One thing he points out is that there is a four-step process towards living in the reality of what God has done for us in the gospel. These four steps are (1) Knowing, (2) Reckoning, (3) Presenting ourselves to God, and (4) Walking in the Spirit.

I was particularly struck by the first area, Knowing. In Romans 6:6, it says, "Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with him." We have to know this before we can reckon it. And Nee presents the case that we must know it, not just with head knowledge, but by divine revelation.

Reckoning is the second step. Romans 6:11 "Reckon yourselves therefore to be dead indeed unto sin." Nee points out that you do not reckon in order to make yourself dead, you reckon because you are dead. Reckoning means doing accounts, book-keeping. Nee gives this illustration:

"Why does God say we are to reckon ourselves dead? Because we are dead. Let us keep to the analogy of accounting. Suppose I have fifteen shillings in my pocket, what do I enter in my account-book? Can I enter fourteen shillings and sixpence or fifteen shillings and sixpence? No, I must enter in my account-book that which is in fact in my pocket. Accounting is the reckoning of facts, not fancies, Even so, it is because I am really dead that God tells me to account it so. God could not ask me to put down in my account-book what was not true. He could not ask me to reckon that I am dead if I am still alive. For such mental gymnastics the word 'reckoning' would be inappropriate; we might rather speak of 'mis-reckoning'! 

Reckoning is not a form of make-believe. It does not mean that, having found that I have only twelve shillings in my pocket, I hope that by entering fifteen shillings incorrectly in my account-book such 'reckoning' will somehow remedy the deficiency. It won't. If I have only twelve shillings, yet try to reckon to myself, "I have fifteen shillings; I have fifteen shillings; I have fifteen shillings," do you think that the mental effort involved will in any way affect the sum that is in my pocket? Not a bit of it! Reckoning will not make twelve shillings into fifteen shillings, nor will it make what is untrue true. But if, on the other hand, it is a fact that I have fifteen shillings in my pocket, then with great ease and assurance I can enter fifteen shillings in my account-book. God tells us to reckon ourselves dead, not that by the process of reckoning we may become dead, but because we are dead. He never told us to reckon what was not a fact."

This has stimulated a chain of thoughts and has revealed to me that I was indeed going about it the wrong way around. I was attempting to make myself dead by reckoning, rather than recognizing that I was already dead and then reckoning on that fact.

Here is the progression of my thoughts.

The Bible says that I am dead, that I have died, that my death with Christ is accomplished, and that it is past tense, not present or future.

• "Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him." Romans 6:6
• "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts." Galatians 5:24
• "For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." Colossians 3:3
• "I am crucified with Christ." Galatians 2:20
• "Ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ." Romans 7:4
• "And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin." Romans 8:10

If God says it, and God cannot lie, then I am dead.

God would not say it if it were not the case. He is not playing verbal games. If God says I am dead, that is because His word corresponds to the actual facts of my condition.

But I don't feel dead, and therefore, accepting God's word on the matter feels like mental gymnastics. What do I do with that ?

Contemplate Christ crucified. When did I die? I died when He died, for I was in Him when He died. He was on the cross, and He took all the souls of men and pulled them into Himself, out of Satan's reach, and then He died.

Did Jesus really die? Yes.

And His death is my death. I do not need to feel my own death, for He died it for me.

I enter into His death by faith. The moment I look to Him in faith and come to Him and accept the work He did, His death becomes my death.

But it feels so remote, so distant, so incomprehensible, to think that my death happened 2,000 years ago.

In that case, would it have made any difference if it was today or tomorrow? Think of the people who were alive and walking around at the time of Jesus's crucifixion. The disciples. Paul. Future converts who were already born and perhaps living somewhere else, like in Asia.

At the moment Jesus died, they died. But do you think they felt dead? Did they suddenly feel an excruciating loss of self, as something inside of them was suddenly ripped out and nailed to the cross to perish? No, not a bit of it. The disciples went on mourning, the yet-to-be converted people went about their lives, and nobody felt a thing.

This death is not recognized or detected by feeling dead, no matter what time in history you appeared.

Come to think of it, Adam and Eve didn't feel dead when they died, either. God said they would die when they ate the fruit, and they ate the fruit, and they died--at least, the spiritual part of them died, and they lost their access to God--but it looked to everyone like they went on living for 900 more years.

When we think of death, we think primarily of physical death, but what God defines as death is something far more profound.

Is not God's definition the one we should go by? God, who can see the spiritual realities as well as the natural world, has something in creation called 'death.' Before Adam and Eve sinned, and nothing had ever died, what basis would there have been to know what 'death' even meant? The only way to know would have been to go by God's definition.

When Adam and Eve sinned, they knew they were naked, and they were ashamed, and they hid from God. Why? Because they had died. This is death. Yes, their hearts were still beating, but something real had died. God had said, "If you eat of the fruit, you shall surely die." They ate of the fruit, and just as surely, they died. This was called death long before there was ever a slain lamb or a murdered Abel or a 930-year-old body of Adam that had just breathed its last.

Is not this spiritual, unseen, unfelt death the original, while the physical, biological death is just the copy, the illustration, the picture that allows us to know what 'death' means? For is it not always the case that the spiritual reality in the heavenly realms is the real thing, the original, while the earthly thing (which we often call by the same name) is but a copy that only serves to help us to picture the real thing?

• Marriage between a man a woman is just a picture of Christ and His Bride, the church
• The sacrificial lamb was just a picture of Jesus, the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world
• Parenthood is merely an illustration to us of God's fatherhood
• And death--death is that grievous, mournful, mysterious thing from which no one comes back. We think we know what 'death' means because physical death is so sobering, so shattering--but what if we realized that the original death in the heavenly realms, the spiritual death that separates us from God, is even worse, just as final, and far more sad? 

We trivialize the spiritual death that Adam and Eve died, because they didn't "feel dead," but they were nonetheless dead. Adam and Eve died spiritually and their flesh sprang to life.

And then all their descendants were born dead, and the life principle that acted in them was the flesh.

Then there entered a different kind of death. The spirit had died in the garden. Now it was the flesh's turn on Calvary. Jesus laid down his life on the cross, and He simultaneously took the flesh and nailed it to His cross. The cross was just as effective upon the flesh as it was on the life of the Savior. Both were extinguished. But the glorious day of resurrection came, and Jesus rose again, leaving the flesh behind, buried in the tomb. Thereby He triumphed forever and completely for those He came to save.

For Adam and Eve, the spirit died and the flesh came to life. For you and I, the flesh gets put to death, and the spirit comes back to life, liberating us to be free to serve God. In both cases, there was a literal death, as defined by God, in the spiritual realms.

So when God gives us an opportunity to enter into Christ by faith, when He provides for the flesh to die and for what He defines as "dead" to rise again, shall we expect it to feel like physical death and resurrection? Not at all! Our brain waves and pulse and respiratory action can go on uninterrupted, but meanwhile God is effecting a change in the spiritual realm, which, after all, is the place that matters, for it is more real and more important than this earthly realm.

My eyes cannot look into the spiritual realm. My hand cannot penetrate into the heavenly realms and touch what is there. My senses are useless to me to access any information this spiritual land. (Though if the veil could be drawn away, I would undoubtedly discover that it's right here and not a million light years away in the universe somewhere). There is, however, one organ provided to me which can "see" into this heavenly land, can detect things that are there, can palpitate these invisible and unfelt heavenly realities. It is called the eyes of faith.

Faith can look there and see things that no other kind of eyes can see. Faith can see Jesus, high and lifted up on his throne. Faith can appreciate the glory and majesty and holiness of the heavenly court. And faith looks to see where I am--I, who am this hopeless ball of sinful flesh, do I appear? Faith looks around in vain to find Rebekah in the flesh. Where is this creature who has made so much trouble to herself and others? Faith hunts high and low through the heavenly realms. There is a cross, but it is empty. Nearby is a tomb. Faith looks inside. Lo and behold, there, wrapped in graveclothes, cold, motionless, and utterly lifeless--I am dead! Faith beholds--and believes. The flesh is dead, buried, destroyed, deactivated. Faith turns, and there is Christ, and there I am, alive in Him. My flesh was left behind in the tomb, but He resurrected me. In the heavenly realms, I am in Christ, and His life is my life, and I live by the working of His mighty power, which raised me up from the dead. Faith beholds this marvel--and believes.

How I can rejoice--because the flesh isn't coming back!

Furthermore, when Satan tempts me to look within and see myself as very much alive, I can simply point to the heavenly realms and show him the dead, cold, buried flesh there, and even he will have no argument against that, for he knows exactly how real and final that is.

Sheep and Goats in Greek

Mountain goats, Roan Mountain, TN

One of the things I am really excited about is learning New Testament Greek. At the end of November, I downloaded an audio Bible of the Textus Receptus read by a Greek guy, and I play it all night in my sleep. That is literally the only time I have to squeeze anything in--but it's actually working!

Then, once every few days, I will put on a chapter (while I am awake) and read along in a Greek New Testament. I also occasionally use the tools in my e-Sword software to look up a word or do further study.

I am up to Luke 15 in my reading along, which contains the parable of the lost sheep. I did a little research, and the layers of symbolism and parallelism simply blew me away.

Hmmm...I wonder what the word for 'sheep' is, I said to myself, and proceeded to look it up.

G4263
probaton
prob'-at-on
Properly the neuter of a presumed derivative of G4260; something that walks forward (a quadruped), that is, (specifically) a sheep (literally or figuratively): - sheep ([-fold]).

How curious is that! "Something that walks forward"; a "quadruped." 

In that case, I wondered, how do they know this word means "sheep" and not "cow" or "goat" or "dog" or "camel"? Doesn't everything on four legs walk forward?

It said it was a presumed derivative of G4260, so I looked it up. Maybe that would shed more light. 

G4260

probainō

prob-ah'ee-no

From G4253 and the base of G939; to walk forward, that is, advance (literally or in years): - + be of a great age, go farther (on), be well stricken.

Wow, how does getting old have anything to do with being a sheep? I mean, if I was a person in ancient Greece, and I wanted to invent a word for "sheep," and I needed my word to be a little more specific than "that four-legged animal," how would I ever think that "that animal that walks forward" would get someone closer to the idea of "sheep"? 

Perhaps, I thought to myself, this "probaton" way of referring to sheep is a rare and symbolic word, and maybe there's another plain word that means sheep. So I looked up other instances of the word, and of the 43 instances of 'sheep' in the New Testament, 40 use this word, 2 are not in the Greek, and 1 is G4262, 'probatikos,' translated "sheep gate" or "sheep market." So this is the common word for sheep. 

One of the verses I ran into in this part of my study was Matthew 25:33. 

"And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left."

Sheep contrasted to goats. It's interesting that Jesus would choose an animal whose name meant "one who walks forward" as representative of those whom God chooses. The sheep please God and are placed on His right hand. Those who walk forward, those who advance, those who go farther on--these are the sheep. 

During the Ellerslie training, Eric Ludy shares the concept of The Endless Frontier. It was something his voice teacher said to him one time after Eric had been taking lessons and practicing for a year. He asked his voice coach, "How good am I?" The teacher replied, "Eric, singing is an endless frontier. Never pitch your tent." In other words, don't be looking for the moment you've arrived as a singer. Always be pressing on and on, forward, because there is always room to be better. Eric relates that to the Christian walk. Don't settle! Don't let yourself become complacent. Press on! Pull up the tent stakes! There is more of God to be had. Go for more! 

Isn't this the same idea that you get from the Greek word for sheep? Whether or not I think sheep demonstrate this forward progression, the fact is, God chose to pick an animal whose name meant "One who walks forward." The true Christians are going to be the ones who are growing. True faith will manifest itself in action. Genuine love for God will seek out more of God. And if a person who claims to be a believer does not demonstrate this forward movement, is there not space to question whether that person is a sheep at all? 

What about the goats? I wondered. What does their name mean? 

G2055

eriphion

er-if'-ee-on

From G2056; a kidling, that is, (generally) goat (symbolically wicked person): - goat.

OK...so goat just means goat. I was hoping for something a little more symbolic after the word for 'sheep' was so abstract. 

What about that word this is derived from? Maybe that would shed more light. 

G2056

eriphos

er'-if-os

Perhaps from the same as G2053 (through the idea of hairiness); a kid or (generally) goat: - goat, kid.

Ohhhh. Now we're getting somewhere. Let's go to G2053. 

G2053

erion

er'-ee-on

Of obscure affinity; wool: - wool.

So the goats are the hairy ones. What does that make you think of? 

Esau. 

Esau was a hairy man. In fact, he was so hairy that it was goat skins that Rebekah put on Jacob's hands and neck when he went before Isaac to get the blessing, posing as Esau (Genesis 27:16). It worked (Genesis 27:21-22). 

What does Esau represent? 

The flesh. 

I could go into detail on what the Bible says about living in the flesh, but that is a whole world in itself. Suffice it to say that it's not a good thing. 

How interesting that when Jesus makes a contrast between sheep and goats, He uses two very similar animals, but he also precisely chooses two words that are strikingly parallel to what the rest of Scripture tells us about the person who pleases or displeases God. 

North Korea and my Tuna Sandwich

Today I watched this video documentary about North Korea.

One quote has stuck with me:

"People might resist the regime with their lives if it was only themselves who might be killed. But it's not only one man being put to death, it's three generations of his family, too." 

The documentary showed people who had been in North Korean prison camps. One woman had entered the camp when she was 13 and had spent 28 years there. Another man got taken when he was 9 and spent 10 years there. In both cases, it was their grandfathers who had upset the regime, and the police took the entire family to prison.

What if we as Christians resisted the regime with our lives so that three generations of North Koreans didn't have to?

I don't mean by invading with military force. I don't mean by sneaking across the border and getting shot.

I mean by spending our lives poured out before the throne of Grace, wrestling in prayer, fasting, pleading with God to put a stop to this evil.

• • •

Another quote that broke me was about the physical hunger in the camps.

"Those who were near death looked like living corpses. This was quite common. If you still have the energy to look for food, then you are fine. But when this energy leaves you, then it becomes a problem. So there were people who lost their mind, who were just waiting for death."

Today for lunch, I opened a 5-oz can of tuna. I dumped it out on a plate and mixed in some mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, honey, olive oil, and salt, just the way I wanted it. I took out two pieces of bread, piled tuna onto the first piece, and ate it. I picked up the second piece of bread. There was still a lot of tuna on my plate. I piled forkful after forkful onto the bread, until the bread was full, and it began to pile up so generously that I knew I was going to have to open my mouth wide to eat it.

I was about to eat a whole can of tuna and two slices of bread, all by myself.

I couldn't help thinking about my brothers and sisters in North Korea, and how a meal like this would be unimaginable riches to them. The video described old men picking corn kernels out of cow's dung. "It was like dogs fighting over small scraps. That's what we'd become."

I was so burdened, I was almost sick to my stomach. Here I was, about to satisfy myself with a delicious lunch, with scarcely a thought of gratitude, when there were people to whom satisfying food is only the stuff of legend, of forgotten memory, and the difference between "fine" and "not fine" is still having the energy to look for food.

How is it that we can know about things like this that are going on, TODAY, in the world that we live in, and not pray?

What if we spent our lives for things that really mattered rather than letting the mundane work of our everyday lives swallow us up?

What if we really allowed ourselves to care about someone like a North Korean prisoner?

What if we cared enough to go to the One who is actually able to do something about it? What if we got on our faces before him? What if we wept? What if we sacrificed our sleep? What if we faithfully, persistently appeared before Him for their cause?

Is anyone doing this?

I haven't been.

I have known in my head that North Korea exists, and that it isn't exactly the best place to be, but I haven't gone any farther than that. Yes, I knew awful things were happening to people there, but I brushed it off. Surely I couldn't be expected to care about every awful thing that was happening in the world, could I? I'm not big enough for that. I have enough to worry about already.

Do I?

Or am I only using an earthly estimation of my capacity to care, to love, to bear the burden of God's heart for the needy, weak, and vulnerable?

If the living God indwells me with His Spirit, is there any limit to how much I can love, how much I can pray, how much I can spend myself?

If God holds out a burden to me, do I accept it gratefully, as if it was a present, a privilege, to carry the burden of His heart? Or do I jerk my shoulder away and reject the burden and say, "No! I'm not carrying that! Give it to someone else!"

Intercession is a mystery. How can I have any part in what the sovereign God is doing in the world? Yet if He invites me to stand in the gap, is there not a cause?

The God who designed intercession has invited me to wrestle. Shall I not accept the opportunity, rather than let doubt influence me into inactivity? All my life, I have longed to get into the fray, be part of what God is doing, be a soldier of the cross. Is the battle any less real for being waged in the heavenly realms? If anything, it is more real.

Let us not be weary.

Let us not live with our first-world tunnel vision that considers our problems of having to eat gluten free and keep up with the laundry and somehow afford to buy new tires as valid reasons to excuse us from worrying about anything else.

Let us let the love of God dwell in us.

May God show us what that looks like.

"No Merimnao" quotes

"God, who has done the greater for us, may be depended upon to do the less. He has, without any care or forecast of our own, given us life and a body, and therefore we may cheerfully leave it to him to provide meat for the support of that life, and raiment for the defence of that body." 

"Your Father knows that you have need of these things, and considers it, and will supply your needs according to his riches in glory; for he is your Father, who made you subject to these necessities, and therefore will suit his compassions to them: your Father, who maintains you, educates you, and designs an inheritance for you, and therefore will take care that you want no good thing."

--Matthew Henry, Commentary on Luke 12:22-40

Deliberately Stepping Out Of Merimnao

Merimnao is a Greek word that means worry, cares, or anxiety.

In the parable of the sower, Jesus says that the thorns choke the word and it becomes unfruitful. In his interpretation of the parable to the disciples, he says that the thorns represent merimnao.

In the story of Mary and Martha, Jesus says, "Martha, Martha, you are careful (merimnao) and troubled about many things, but Mary has chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Take no thought (merimnao) for your life, what you shall eat, or what you shall drink, or what you shall wear."

Recently I listened to Eric Ludy's message called Hero Training, in which he explores the meaning of the word merimnao and the place it is to have in the believer's life. He gives a ringing cry for establishing one's motto to be "No merimnao!"

Through all this repetition of seeing merimnao everywhere I look, I realized that somewhere along the way, I traded in my pure and simple trust in God's provision for my life and exchanged it for merimnao. Suddenly, I felt I had to be the one to look out for myself, and if I didn't do it, no one would. I withdrew from the willingness to be spent for God's kingdom, and I said to myself, "That was fine when I was in my 20s, but not I have to figure out stuff like my housing and retirement before it's too late."

After successfully evading the rat race for the first 30 years of my life, I decided to sign myself up for it voluntarily. After seeing God provide for me time and time and time again, I suddenly looked at my life from the world's perspective and said to myself, "Wow, my resume looks really bad! I had better get into a decent career and start climbing the ladder!"

The job became so all-consuming that everything else got put on hold as I began to learn how to juggle adding 40 hours of work into the mix. All the things I felt God wanted me to do moved to the back burner. My writing, my friendships, my vision for starting a Bible Study in the local jail, the orderliness of my bedroom--all of this suffered at the expense of the job.

That was fine for the first three months or so, until I got bored. At some point in December, I sort of mentally checked out of my job. I didn't care about it any more. I couldn't bring myself to care. I would pass the time through each day, struggling with unbearable boredom, knowing I was made for more than this, and so tormented by the mind-numbing emptiness of it all that I would go out to my car at the end of the day and literally have to moan out loud three or four times in order to unburden my mind. In August, when I was penniless and didn't have a job, I considered myself to be so happy that I made the statement several times, "If happiness was an Olympic sport, I would get the gold medal." By January or February, the happiness had evaporated little by little, to the point where there have even been days recently where I would ask myself if I was depressed.

It came to a head the other day. I was fed up with being bored and I started asking myself what kind of job I could look for that would be less boring. Retail? Waiting Tables? Nope, I would be bored in three months. Administrative assistant? Nope, I would get bored there, too. Looking back over my life, I see a pattern: Whenever I am doing the world's kind of work (my job at the sporting goods store, for instance), I can stick with it for 3 months to a year, and then I get bored and move on. I have never been challenged enough in a job to keep on growing. Once the training period is over and I know how to do it, I start to shrivel up and die, and I can't stand it. Therefore, my resume looks terrible--a string of one entry-level position after another in a hodge-podge of different fields. My degree doesn't really help, either, because people are not really looking to hire a 30-something for that college grad entry-level communications job. Therefore, I am stuck in a conundrum: All the jobs that I am qualified for would make me bored out of my mind, while all the jobs that would be interesting are out of the picture because I'm not qualified.

"Okay, fine," I said to myself. "I'm just going to go study something interesting like medicine or law or engineering. Fine, I'll just go into debt. Fine--at least I won't be bored and underpaid for the rest of my life!" But as soon as I said it, I realized something: Those fields would ultimately be unfulfilling, too. It might take a little longer before I got there, but sooner or later, I would taste the same emptiness and realize I had wasted my effort for nothing.

Ultimately, the only thing that can satisfy is working for the Lord. I saw it so clearly. I have tasted of being a part of advancing God's kingdom, and it trumps all worldly pursuits. This is the one thing that I want. This is the only thing that can grab my imagination. Yet somehow I had departed from that focus, and when I did, I lost a lot of my joy. I had succumbed to the pull of merimnao, and it was choking me.

This is not to say that my merimnao was necessarily my job's fault, or that I would be opposed to working for my living. I'm not. I am thankful for the income that God has provided for me and the way He has brought this method of provision into my life at this time. However, I cannot allow that to be the source of my trust or the focus of my pursuit. If I am going to spend my life for something, I am going to spend it for what matters. I am not going to shift my focus to a lower sight and start worrying about my down payment or my 401k if it means trading in my singular gaze on the things that are God's priorities.

Therefore, I deliberately and purposely step out of the worry back into trust. God is my provider, and in His sovereign control, He is orchestrating my circumstances in a much more creative and interesting way than I ever could. I trust His leading. In stepping away from merimnao, I am stepping over a line. On one side of the line is worldly wisdom: look out for yourself; make choices that will be in your best interest; make as much money as you can. I cross to the other side of the line, where I serve the weak and vulnerable without regard to myself, and where I am willing to go all the way down to zero if need be, because I know my God is taking care of me and He will provide. I do not make my choices based on whether there will be a pay raise involved. I make my choices based on where God is leading, and I joyfully and obediently say yes.

Goodbye to merimnao. Whew, it feels good not to be choked and pricked with all those thorns.

How God Provided a Corolla

God continues to be good to me--better than I deserve. He proves to me His ability to provide.

I had the Blazer. It was God's provision of a vehicle. It was a tremendous help at just the right time. However, when I bought it last June, even then, I didn't want an SUV. I was so certain that I didn't want it that I almost didn't buy it. God changed my heart and I did buy it, and it ended up being extremely useful for the purpose of moving out to Colorado. Despite having 186,000 miles on it, it safely towed my heavy little U-haul trailer all the way across the country. Then once I got here, I thought to myself, "I'd better wait and see what winter is like." After all, there must be a reason why nearly all the other vehicles I saw on the road were 4-wheel-drive. Winter came and went, and I used the 4-wheel-drive exactly once, to move forward about two feet, so I thought it was time to get a gas efficient vehicle without regard to 4WD.

My dad trained me to keep records, so I had information from the time I bought the vehicle on each gas fill-up: odometer reading, miles driven, gallons, price per gallon, and total cost to fill up. I entered all this data in Excel and made some calculations. Based on my records of average gas mileage, miles I drove, and amount I had spent in gas, I stood to save $1000 per year if I went to a 30MPG vehicle. Therefore, I figured that if I spent $1000 more on a car than what I sold the Blazer for, I stood to come out even by the end of one year.

Armed with this data, I posted the Blazer on craigslist for $1600. This was only $50 less than I had paid for it. By now, my Blazer had 199,500 miles on it, the air conditioning compressor was leaking, and it was just in a general state of breaking down. Immediately, I got two interested buyers who bid each other up until the second person won out at $1800. Now I was selling it for more than I had paid for it, but here was where the logistical puzzle began: I couldn't sell it until I had found another vehicle to buy for myself, since I had no way to get back and forth to work otherwise. The interested buyer graciously gave me two weeks to find another vehicle.

A Honda with 150,000 miles on it for $1600--a mess!

I looked at a number of vehicles and it was rather disheartening to not be able to find anything like what I was looking for. Cars in my price range would seem to be a good deal, and then I would go to look at them, and they would be badly wrecked all over, or they would have higher miles than my Blazer, or the interior would have a dreadful smoke smell, or some other deal-breaker. I began to wonder if it wasn't better just to keep my Blazer after all, since at least it was a running vehicle with an engine that I trusted would start every time. It seemed like a huge gamble to trade for another old junker. I might get in a worse predicament.

I named it "Ivy."

Then I found a 1997 Corolla on craigslist for $3500 with only 110,000 miles on it. I went to look at it and the people said I was the first person who had expressed any interest in it, even though it had been on craigslist for several days. I thought to myself, "Is everyone else blind, or what?" I had a trusted friend who is a mechanic look it over and he declared, "This is the car you want to buy." The owners were a sweet Christian couple, and as we negotiated, they were willing to come down to $2800. Perfect! Exactly $1000 more than what I was selling the Blazer for! Just what I wanted! So I went and sold the Blazer, and then I met with the owners of the Corolla and we signed the paperwork and I paid them $2800.

This was the unexpected part:

They took a $100 bill off the stack and pushed it back to me and said, "Now, we've prayed about this, and we want you to have this to help with your title & registration fees. We want to be a blessing to you, and this is just our contribution to your ministry work."

Can I say WHOA!!?

Who does that?

So now I am the happy owner of a lovely little zippy Corolla, and I am already feeling the difference at the gas pump. Yay!!

Thank you Jesus! You are so good to me!!

He increased the Blazer by $200 and then decreased the Corolla by $800. I went from a 16MPG 199,500-mile vehicle to a 30MPG 110,000-mile vehicle for only $900 more. Is that amazing, or what?

Movie Review: Son of God

One form of blasphemy is to deny outright that Jesus is the Son of God.

Another form of blasphemy is to confidently affirm that Jesus is the Son of God and then make him into an embarrassing idiot. That is what this film does.

If you were an unbeliever, and your only exposure to Christianity was this film, and your only conception of Jesus was what is portrayed in Son of God, you would wonder how anyone could possibly respect him, love him, or believe in him. From beginning to end, this film depicts Christ in a way that is unbiblical, false, and demeaning.

As a believer, watching this film was agonizing. I went with the hope that there could be some redeeming value in it, but that was not to be. I sat in the theater with a sorrow in the pit of my stomach the whole time, shaking my head and feeling like the only thing I ought to do was turn around, kneel on the floor in front of my seat, cry out to God for His mercy and forgiveness for this farce, and implore His protection on the minds of others watching the film, that they would not be inoculated against Christianity and the gospel. And as soon as it was over, it was all I could do not to break into a run on my way out of the theater.

Major problems

Implying that Jesus committed sin 

1. In the scene of the woman caught in adultery, the Biblical account states that Jesus ignored her accusers and wrote on the ground with his finger. Only when they persisted in accusing her did He raise Himself up and deal with the situation. He said to them, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Then he stooped down and wrote on the ground with his finger. Those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, walked away one by one until Jesus was left alone with the woman. He states to her, "Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more."

In the film's depiction of this scene, the Pharisees encounter Jesus outdoors in an area of stony ground. They thrust the woman forward and announce that she was caught in the very act of adultery. Jesus picks up a stone and walks up to where the woman is cowering on the ground. He raises the stone high in the air in a dramatic gesture as she trembles. Then, apparently reconsidering, he turns the Pharisees. "I will give my stone to whichever one of you is without sin," he says. Slowly, one by one, they start dropping their stones on the ground in a symbolic admission of their guilt. Last of all, the camera zooms in on the hand of Jesus as He drops His own stone, and we watch it fall to the ground. Then he embraces the woman and tells her to sin no more. This is a serious implication that Jesus was in the same boat as all the Pharisees, condemned by His own conscience and therefore compelled to drop the stone. 

2. During the trial of Jesus, there is a bizarre scene where the soldiers bring Jesus in before the high priest. They have already begun to bruise up his face a bit, and they are roughly manhandling him along. Jesus falls forward when they let him go, and someone pushes the back of his head down in order to bang his face into the table. Jesus raises his head with a flash of such a fierce glare of anger at the high priest that everyone gasps. "Thou shalt not disrespect the leader of thy people," someone quotes.  The implication clearly was that Jesus had broken the law. It was like a confused mixture of Acts 23:2-5 with John 18:19-23 with extreme artistic license. (During this scene I was left shaking my head with a sense of 'What in the world was that?')

Ignoring the existence of evil

Christ died to save us from our sins, but nowhere is this mentioned in the film. Christ died to crush the enemy, but nowhere is Satan or anything demonic even remotely implied in the film. The crucifixion was the pinnacle moment of history in the epic battle between good and evil--but nowhere is evil even given any recognition. Instead, Jesus invites Peter to "change the world." By missing the existence of evil, the filmmakers redefined the whole ministry of Jesus. Even the chief priests and Pharisees who moved the people to call for Jesus's crucifixion are not depicted as evil, but rather as goodhearted, sincere people who simply want the best for their nation.

(*Edit: Further reading revealed that they had actually filmed a character as Satan who bore a striking resemblance to President Obama, and they cut him.)

A Powerless, Effeminate Christ 

Many films, Easter plays, and even sermons try to infuse the crucifixion scene with emotional impact by overemphasizing the pain of the crucifixion. I believe this is a mistake. Of course crucifixion would be excruciating, but our wonder and awe at what Jesus did for us should not spring from going over the gruesome medical details of what he suffered, but rather from the fact that He bore the penalty of our sin. God the Father crushed him under the full weight of divine wrath. Jesus, the beloved Son of the Father, who had delighted in the joy of loving and being loved by the Father, was forsaken. This was infinitely worse than the combined effect of lashes from a whip, a crown of thorns, nails in hands and feet, thirst, and exhaustion. 

In Son of God, there was not quite as much gore as, say, The Passion of the Christ, but the character of Jesus was so exaggeratedly wimpy, weak, fainting, trembling, and breathy, it was shameful. A woman would have taken a crucifixion more bravely. I had the sense that the actor was actually enjoying flopping on the ground under the weight of the cross and struggling back to his feet in increasingly dramatic expressions of helplessness. More and more blood appeared mysteriously on Jesus's face and body over the different stages from Gethsemane to Golgotha, as if the makeup artist just couldn't help dabbing on a little bit more, and more, and more in between camera shots. In contrast to this, the two thieves on the cross looked quite fine, accentuating the sense that Jesus was just a pathetic weakling. Crucifixion was crucifixion. It would have been just as miserable for them as for Jesus. Nothing in the Bible indicates that Jesus's crucifixion was exponentially more brutal than anyone else's, and in fact, it was probably less, since he died so much earlier than the other victims. I couldn't help thinking of movies I've seen where filmmakers portray a "manly" character (e.g. Jason Bourne) who accumulates massive injuries (gunshot wounds, car accidents, cuts, bruises, and getting beaten up) and uncannily has the ability to keep on being strong. The contrast was striking between that and the filmmakers' ability in Son of God to portray Jesus as an unbelievably pathetic character. 

While it is true that the crucifixion was a display of apparent weakness instead of the conquering hero the people expected, I found their portrayal of Christ to be repulsive and unnecessary. To our human understanding, getting killed does look weak when one expected a military hero, but the way they handled Christ's reaction to his circumstances was entirely overboard. 

The Bible clearly indicates that Christ was not a victim, but rather laid his life down of his own accord. He had self-possession and control. He deliberately allowed the circumstances in the events leading up to the crucifixion. He was silent before his accusers, not out of defiance or shame; he was purposely silent because He knew He was fulfilling the will of the Father. The things he did say were pointed and irrefutable. He went as a lamb to the slaughter. He showed His power and majesty by single-handedly defeating the enemy, though He was pinned to two pieces of wood. 

Attacking Jesus's Omniscience

Many scenes suggested that Jesus was not all-knowing or re-defined the situation to take away from His omniscience. 

• When Jesus declared to the paralytic that his sins were forgiven, the Pharisees said aloud, "How can he forgive sins? Who can forgive sins but God only?" In the Bible, they didn't say it, they just thought it, and it says He knew their thoughts. 
• When Jesus fed the 5,000, the people who had received the food started chanting "Messiah! Messiah!" pumping their fists in the air. Then it was as if Jesus had an "oops!" moment, like "Oh, great, they want me to be their king because I fed them. Now what do I do?" He suddenly went from smiling and interactive to gloomy and pensive. He acted unhappy that the people reacted this way, and he worked his way through the crowd and walked away alone. In the Bible, He knew this was what they wanted and he had a plan of action for how to handle it. 
• During the last supper, Jesus is eating, smiling and hanging out with his friends when suddenly he has a momentary flash of foresight, revealing a few key scenes of the crucifixion. He suddenly gets quiet and sad, and he says to the disciples, "This is our last meal together before I die." Then they all get sad. It is as if he just realizes that he is going to die. In the Bible, he had been telling them over and over that he would suffer, die, and rise again, and they just weren't getting it. He knew what this day meant from before the foundation of the world. It didn't just "dawn on him" during the Last Supper.
• After the film depicts Judas goes out to betray Jesus, Peter goes out as if to stop him, and Jesus follows Peter and says, "Let him go." While they are still outside the door alone together, Peter says, "I will never betray you. I will die for you." Jesus sighs with a sense of relief and opens his arms for a grateful embrace with Peter. Then Jesus stiffens in the embrace and his eyes widen. He softly says, with a note of sad incredulity, "Peter, before dawn, you will deny me three times." This is so far from the Biblical account it is shocking. In the Bible, Jesus declares to Peter, "Behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not." Jesus knew what cosmic forces were in place, and what battles were being waged. He prayed beforehand for Peter, that his faith would not fail. In informing Peter of the fact that he would deny him, it was not in a surprised tone of voice, as if he just realized that Peter, too, would deny him.  

What they did with prayer

While Jesus was praying in the garden, the filmmakers juxtaposed two additional scenes--one of the priests in the temple chanting a sort of ceremonial prayer, and the other of Pilate and his wife facing their idols and praying to their ancestors. Thus, they took Christ's most intense moment of prayer and equated it with the empty, ritualistic, and even idolatrous prayers that people can offer when they do not know God. This was offensive.

Inappropriate Situations with Mary

"Mary," quite a beautiful girl, is in every single scene that portrays private moments with Jesus and the twelve disciples. She walks through the countryside with them. She gets in the boat with them when they cross the sea in a storm. She sits with Jesus and the twelve. She is always, always present. This is not just in crowd settings where there are lots of people around. The many women who attended Jesus in different places in Scripture (Mary, the other Mary, Salome, Joanna, etc) are entirely omitted, except for Jesus's mother Mary, who appears during the crucifixion scenes. There are no women with Jesus and the twelve everywhere they go except this one girl. This looks like a huge nod to the popular (and totally unscriptural) belief that Mary Magdalene was some sort of girlfriend to Jesus. There are never any explicit interactions between her and Jesus, but the number and frequency of times when she is shown to be alone with Jesus and the twelve disciples makes a highly inappropriate suggestion. My memory suggests that she also seems to have had more speaking lines than any of the other disciples. This is entirely inaccurate, and her words are all invented (since they do not come from Scripture).

In Scripture, Mary Magdalene appears in twelve verses: Matthew 27:56, 61, 28:1, Mark 15:40, 47, 16:1, 9, Luke 8:2, 24:10, John 19:25, 20:1, 20:18. Because the four gospels each repeat the same stories, these twelve verses only account for three appearances of Mary Magdalene.

1. Once during Jesus's ministry, as one of many other women (Luke 8:1-3)
2. At Jesus's crucifixion and burial (Matthew 27:56, 61, Mark 15:40, 47, John 19:25)
3. As witness to the resurrection (Matthew 28:1, Mark 16:1, 9, Luke 24:10, John 20:1, 18)

Scripture makes it clear that she was one of many other women present at the crucifixion (Mark 15:40-41, John 19:25). On the day of resurrection, she was with at least two other women (Salome and Mary the mother of James and Joses). The movie depicts her discovering the resurrection alone.

Source of Jesus's strength

The film clearly suggests that Jesus's mother, Mary, was his source of strength and the cause of his ability to keep going through the different stages of his suffering. During the flogging, Mary is looking sorrowfully through the gates. There is a mystical sort of energy that seems to get transmitted to Jesus when he sees her, and it is as if he suddenly has the courage to take the rest of his lashes. Later, when Jesus is carrying the cross, he falls down in what appears to be the final stage of exhaustion, and Mary runs out from the crowds on the side of the road and makes her way to him. They make eye contact and she embraces him. It is as if Mary's touch has a galvanizing effect on Jesus. The Roman soldier drives Mary back, and Jesus is able to struggle back to his feet because of the strength she imparted to him. 

While I have no problem with expressions of tenderness between a mother and her son, I completely disagree with this depiction of the source of Jesus's strength. For one thing, as Jesus was carrying the cross in the procession to Golgotha, he noticed the women weeping for him, and he said to them, "Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children." (Luke 23:27-31). In the midst of his own suffering, Jesus was still more aware of the needs of those around him, and he was pouring out love and giving of himself to them, even in His greatest hour of agony.

More importantly, Jesus's strength came from God, not from Mary. He lived by the grace of God, and it was grace that empowered his every move, not a loving glance and gentle touch from his mother. Jesus was the embodiment of the way a man ought to live when every detail of how he lives, speaks, and thinks is supplied by God, surrendered to God and dependent on God. The Father was the one who enabled Jesus to go through with the crucifixion, not his mother. 

Mystical depiction of the supernatural

Several of the scenes in the movie are stripped of their majesty and invested with a ghostly, superstitious quality that is entirely different from the Scriptural potrayal.

When Jesus walks on water, he looks semi-transparent. He appears to float forward towards the boat without movement of the feet. The filmmakers heightened the ghostly quality of this scene by having Peter hear as it were a voice in his head where Jesus calls him to come, and he is mysteriously drawn to the end of the boat, where he steps over the edge as if he is in a trance, against the advice of the other disciples. He takes a few tentative steps towards Jesus before he sinks. When he sinks, he plunges instantly underwater. Jesus picks him back up with a misquoted version of what the Bible says He said. Then the scene instantly jumps to Peter popping awake, as if from a dream, which effectively undoes the entire scene as a mere figment of Peter's imagination.

When Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, in the film, he does not stand at the mouth of the tomb and command, "Lazarus, come forth!" Instead, he goes inside, followed by Martha. He lays his hands on Lazarus's head, brings his mouth close to Lazarus's forehead, and slowly exhales air over his face. Lazarus's eyes pop open. This is a mystical version of this account of raising the dead, stripping Jesus of his power to command a reversal of death with a word.

When Mary sees Jesus on resurrection morning, he has a very unrealistic quality. Mary is inside the tomb, and Jesus appears in the doorway, framed not by the ordinary surroundings of trees and shrubs that you would expect to see in the background, but by a white shimmery haze. Jesus says a few words to Mary and then disappears into the haze. You don't get the sense that Jesus has risen from the dead in bodily form; it feels more like Mary could have simply had a vision.

In an age where filmmakers can make Superman really seem to fly, and where they can make us believe that Spiderman can crawl up walls, the filmmakers have done quite a shoddy job at making the miraculous look realistic in Son of God.

The character of Judas

The Biblical account plots a steady course of development regarding Judas's willingness to betray Jesus. We learn that he is a thief, and has the bag. We know that after Mary poured out her spikenard on Jesus, Judas looked for a way to betray him from then on. Judas went of his own accord to the priests. He received the money and led them of his own accord to Jesus in the garden. He kissed Jesus in a blatant act of hypocrisy and pretended friendship. 

The film paints a totally different picture of Judas and the betrayal. In the film, he is merely a conflicted character who is simply trying to do the right thing, and circumstances just happen to get out of control. The movie depicts him going to one of the temple guards and tells him that he is worried about the direction things are heading. The guard tells Caiaphas about this interaction, and Caiaphas sends for Judas. Judas meets Caiaphas, but he is reluctant, conflicted, and not easily persuaded to do anything against Jesus. Finally he says, "What's in it for me," and Caiaphas hands him the bag with the thirty pieces of silver.

Then, during the last supper, right after it "dawns on" Jesus that this is his last meal with the disciples, Jesus says, "One of you will betray me." The shocked disciples exclaim, "Who?" Jesus breaks off a piece of bread and replies, "Whoever eats this." As he speaks, he reaches over and holds the bread right in front of Judas's mouth. Judas looks at Jesus like, "NO, I'm not going to, I would never do that to you," but after hesitation, he eats it, as if against his will. Jesus says in a quiet, kind tone of voice, "Do it quickly." The conclusion one draws is that Jesus mystically coerced Judas into betraying him. 

The Veil of the Temple

While Jesus was hanging on the cross, the film cut to a scene of the priest preparing to enter the veil, having just cut the lamb's throat. I started to think, "Wow, they're going to show how the veil is rent. Maybe they're going to have one decent, accurate scene here." But I was to be disappointed. The earthquake happened, and some large clay pots started to topple over, and all the priests ran for cover. They never showed the veil being ripped from top to bottom. Terribly disappointing.

The Ascension

The film shows the disciples and Mary on a mountainside. Jesus is on a rock slightly higher up than they are. He says a few last words and then, *blink* He is gone. No ascension on a cloud. No angels telling them that he will come back in the same way. Again, this is completely unbiblical.  

Other problems

• It was simply boring. It was bland and passionless. 
• It was not a story well-told, it was more like a collection of scenes thrown together by people who had no understanding of the gospel, in ways that didn't always even make sense. For instance, there was no attempt at explaining how the people went from crying "Hosanna" to "Crucify Him" in the span of one week. 
• Things happened out of order compared to the Biblical account. The timing of the events of the crucifixion was inaccurate. 
• People were incorrectly portrayed (the character of Nicodemus, for example, in his interactions with Jesus)
• Certain scenes were "sanitized" for political correctness (for example, when Jesus cleanses the temple, we couldn't possibly have the Son of God actually driving the moneychangers with a whip of cords, could we?)
• Low-quality acting, cinematography, and special effects (this was originally filmed as a series for the History channel)
• The ridiculous hole in Jesus's hand after the resurrection. *Shudder*

Conclusion

Overall, this film is terrible.

There are MANY MORE problems with this movie than what I have detailed here, and some of them have already been discussed by others (see, for example, this review, which explores, among other things, the movie's re-definition of Jesus's call of Peter at the sea of Galilee and how it undermines his authority).

I would not recommend this film to a believer or to an unbeliever. And I would not show it to a child.

Read the Bible instead.

How To Pursue A Godly Girl

I was looking at the stats for what keywords led people to my blog, and I was intrigued by this one, so it inspired a post.

"how do i pursue a girl from a godly..."

I don't know what the rest of the phrase was, because it was truncated, but whatever it was, I assume the guy was looking for how to pursue a godly girl in a non-creepy but effective way. Google probably directed him to my blog because of this post. So to that guy, if you revisit my blog, and to anyone else who's interested, here is my perspective on how you could absolutely wow the heart of a godly girl and attract her attention.

In what follows, I have chosen to use the first person, "I," rather than the impersonal third person, "she," partly because I am speaking for myself and this is what I really do think, but partly because when I tried to put it in terms of "she," it seemed like no one would believe that a girl could actually think this way. Maybe no one else but me does think this way, in which case this will end up being a bit awkward, as if it was a how-to guide on how to pursue me. Gulp. That is most definitely not my intention, and the thought that it might be taken this way is almost enough to dissuade me from posting this at all. However, I suspect that other ladies are out there who are living set-apart lives, posing a mystery and an almost unsolvable-puzzle to the guys around them. I think of single godly women I know who are absolute jewels, and curiously, they are not getting snapped up. Perhaps some clearly-articulated insights will help.

The territory is completely different--the godly girl cares about other things than your salary or your muscular build. The pursuit is unique--in a very real sense, you must pursue Jesus in order to pursue her. The conquest is on a completely different plane than the average dating or courtship relationship. The prize is not cheap, but the treasure you stand to win is priceless.

The Territory

1) I am pursuing Jesus. I am only looking at Jesus. I am already in love with Jesus. So for you to get me to notice you, you will have to be so much like Jesus that I start seeing Jesus in you. When I start admiring your Christlikeness, my love for Jesus will love Jesus in you. When self has disappeared so completely that Christ is the only thing visible shining out of your life, then you will make it onto my "eligible" list.

2) Do not begin by asking me out. I will immediately be suspicious, and it will cause me to be closed up to you. I'm not interested in going out for coffee with you, or lunch, or dinner, or a movie. But I will be happy to be friendly to you in natural, everyday situations in a group setting, where I can interact with you without being singled out. I have to have a chance to see you, talk to you, and not feel threatened by the possibility of hidden, ulterior motives that you might have. I must see you pursuing Jesus harder than you are pursuing girls, or I will remain closed to you.

3) My heart is like a walled garden, tended and kept and cultivated with great care and attention. The flowers and fruits of my garden are not just for the picking by any casual passerby. I have a lot of practice and motivation to keep it very well guarded, for the treasures inside are valuable and worth protecting. This is not to say it is impenetrable, but in order to be invited in, you must win my trust. You are allowed to knock, but you must also be resilient enough to accept that during the friendship stage of a relationship, I am even guarding it against you. Since guarding my heart is my default position, even the man who is God's best for me will have to come up against the closed door at the beginning.

4) If I like you, think about you often, or begin to feel romantically attracted to you, I guarantee you I will not show it. I will not single you out. I will not flirt with you. Not even a little bit. I will take it to the Lord, lay it at His feet, ask His counsel on the matter, and leave it there. I am waiting for you make the first move. Unless you take the initiative, you will hopefully never know that anything was going on in my heart. My love is like a massive reservoir, and my finger is in the dyke, and I am resolved not to take my finger out of the dyke until I am absolutely convinced that you are "the one." (For when I let my finger out of the dyke, the massive, untapped torrent will all come gushing out--for you--and I need not waste a drop on others.) 

5) A glance of your eyes, the way you move, or the sound of your voice may cause me to feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. My heart beats faster, I feel giddy with a sort of rare ecstatic emotion, and I become distracted and can't think. However, a handsome, suave unbeliever may awaken the same feelings in me. I know this from experience. Therefore, I take no stock in butterflies. I understand the danger of being swept away by emotion, and how a girl blinded by emotion can make stupid, stupid decisions. I am not about to become a casualty of emotion. I hold myself firmly in check, keeping myself on the safe ground where reason has veto power over emotion. Thus, you must convince my reason and awaken my emotions--a high calling when my reason expects you to be like Jesus before it will relent. 

The Pursuit

Pursue the godly girl by pursuing Jesus. Jesus has someone for you, and that person is hidden in His heart. Seek His heart, and you will discover the rich treasure He has prepared for you. Fail to seek His heart, and you will never find her.

Nothing can happen without God. God can open my heart to you far better than you could ever contrive to do so yourself.

If you come up to me and declare your love or state your intention to win my heart, I will immediately direct you to my father, so be prepared to talk to him first. However, I will respect you for your courage and honor, whether or not anything comes of it.

If instead you invite me to go on a date, I will hem and haw and look for some excuse to refuse. This is not because I am necessarily opposed to you, but because I am uncomfortable with the method. Why? Because I know the power of emotion. When you fall in love, you cannot simply hit the "undo" button and go back to the way you were. And I know that certain situations (like being alone with a man in a romantic setting, hearing his compliments, and looking into the warm depth of his eyes) are favorable to finding Cupid's darts suddenly lodged in your heart. I intend to not place myself in a situation where I could be overpowered with more emotion than I can handle, unless I have already decided (with my father) that I accept your pursuit and will allow you to begin to win my heart.

If I have accepted your pursuit, feel free to pursue! Discover the techniques that delight my heart more than all others. Bring me flowers and chocolate, invite me to do things, write me love letters--and I will write them back--but don't stop there. Do the things with me that we both mutually enjoy because of our fervent love for Christ. Press me towards him by inviting me to labor with you in hours of prayer. Encourage me to take strides forward in evangelism, in humility, in studying the Word. The more you make me love Jesus, the more I will love you for it. On the other hand, the moment I sense that you are competing with or diminishing my love for Jesus, I will begin to withdraw from you. Nothing can interfere with my relationship with Him, for He is supreme, and He has already won my heart.

The Conquest

Winning a godly girl's heart is unlike any other kind of conquest. The worldly conquest involves chemistry, impressing her (with cars, biceps, etc.), and experimenting to see if you're compatible. The nominal Christian conquest involves seeking God's will, saving yourself for marriage, and resolving tenaciously not to let it fall apart. 

But winning the godly girl's heart is altogether beyond these things. 

• Without diverting her gaze for even a moment from Jesus, but rather establishing and directing it towards Him even more fully, you have successfully positioned yourself where she can also see you, and where drawing towards you would only bring her nearer to Christ. 
• Without lessening her overwhelming love for the altogether lovely One, you have only strengthened her love for Him while at the same time allowing her to discover an increased capacity for love that includes you, too. 
• Without diverting her full-throttle pursuit of Jesus Christ, you have so inspired and challenged her by your own wholehearted sprint towards the Savior that you have lent wings to her feet and a smile to her lips, until she is convinced that as long as she was near you, the two of you would cheer each other on towards Him. 

How did you do that, sir? Surely it was only by the enabling power of God himself. That was a conquest, indeed, and you have won a treasure indeed.

Edit: Material added 4/19/2016

It came to my attention through some of the comments that I was writing the above with the assumption that the reader wasn't actually a godly man...just someone who needed to be MADE godly, who was merely tacking on Jesus as one more attraction in the typical worldly list of salary and good looks and so forth. And therefore my expectations came across as extreme and exhausting. However, assuming that the guy IS godly, assuming that he DOES follow Jesus with everything he's got, there would be a whole different dimension to this blog post.

Though I trespass greatly on your patience by the length of this section, let me go back and just take that detail into account and explore my points again. In what follows, I am technically speaking of a hypothetical guy, but the Lord has also given me the privilege of meeting and knowing guys who actually do live this out, and so there is a real Mr. X and Mr. Y and Mr. Z of whom I am thinking in composite as I write what follows. (Not to imply that these steps are actually currently happening between me and any real person, just that the type of guy I'm talking about really does exist. And I use the pronoun "you" primarily because it's a parallel construction to the "you" I used above, not because I'm subtly hinting to a particular person.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Territory

1) In spite of my wholehearted pursuit of Jesus, I can't help but notice that my path has crossed with this guy who is absolutely in love with Jesus. Jesus is shining out of you. In fact, you have far outpaced me in your hot pursuit of more of God. If I were to describe you to someone, I would simply have to say, "He's just a lot like...Jesus." And my heart begins to burn with the realization that here, indeed, is a man who is definitely on my "eligible" list. If you were to pursue me, you would be encouraged. No longer am I praying, "Oh, Lord, please don't let him notice me or think of me;" no longer am I thinking of the most graciously-worded refusal that I can come up with if you were to approach with any more intentions than "just friends."

2) I have already watched you pursue Jesus with focus, tenacity, and zeal. It is clear that you're pursuing Jesus harder than you're pursuing girls. I have run into you here and there and I have seen you living for the glory of God. When we have had the occasion to interact or collaborate on a project, I haven't felt like you had ulterior motives towards me or other girls. When you were unaware of being observed, I have seen you doing things that were honorable and showed your character, and my respect for you has gone up again and again in these little moments that you were unaware were even significant. You didn't begin by asking me out--but now that I have had time to see all these things about you, you are more than welcome to ask me out.

3) You have handled the friendship stage of our relationship with discretion and honor, without ever once making me feel like you were going to scale the wall of my garden unbidden or take from its fruits by coercion or manipulation or subtlety. Now I trust you. And therefore I might cautiously begin to offer some of the deeper things, some of the hidden things, some of the tender things from my heart, and as you treat those things gently I will bring more things bit by bit--starting with words, the places we go in conversation, the amount I let you see of the things are truly important to me. Everything in its proper season: there is a time for everything, and little by little this garden in all its beauty will unfold and the gates will open.

4) You have made the first move, and so now I no longer have to suppress my every emotion and place this possibility again and again before God and leave it with him. So if I feel like there is a spark in my eye, I will let it flash out to you with a twinkle and a smile. If I feel like being near you, I'll go ahead and sit by you. That hole in the dyke has been allowed to trickle forth with its first few drops. Get ready, because the flood is coming.

5) When my heart beats faster, and I feel giddy with a sort of rare ecstatic emotion, and I become distracted and can't think, it's about you--and no longer do I suppress it or turn it off or take no stock in it, because my reason and my emotion are together on this one: Reason says emotion is allowed to go there for you, even if reason gets carried away with it in a torrent that sweeps me off my feet. 

The Pursuit

You have pursued Jesus long before you ever pursued me, and he has begun to pull out some of His hidden treasures for you, one of which is a gift that He has kept specially for you.

At the same time, He opened my heart so that I reciprocated when you initiated pursuit. 

My father couldn't be happier to contemplate having a man of your caliber dating his daughter.

And I am totally on board with the idea. So now I'm delighted to sit down with you in a romantic setting, look into the warm depth of your eyes, and let Cupid work his magic.

The thing is, our friends think we come up with the weirdest dates. Why would we want to go to an all-night prayer meeting, or stand outside of the local nightclub at 10:00 on a Friday night and hand out tracts and witness to the people standing in line to get in? Why are we both totally psyched about planning honeymoon ideas like going to the slums in Nairobi or the garbage dump in Manila to pour out our lives for others? How is it that we get excited by sitting down for an afternoon to write letters of encouragement to the persecuted church or put together a care packet for the orphans we're sponsoring? Our friends don't understand it at all, and yet we're as giddy as little children at Christmas doing these things.

The Conquest

As we walk forward together, I marvel before God at the incredible gift He has given me. 

• Somehow you never seem to divert my gaze from Jesus for even a moment to shift it on yourself. It's an incredible thing to see your humility in constantly exalting Jesus Christ and your willingness to point me continually towards Him without regard to yourself. But because we're both drawing near to Jesus, we are by default drawing nearer to each other. 
• I find that my love for the Beloved of Heaven has not diminished at all by you being in my life--because in the process He has increased my capacity to love so much more than I ever dreamed possible, that neither one of us feels the least bit like the other person is competing with our First Love. 
• Your relentless sprint towards the Savior is something that lends wings to my feet and a smile to my lips. You have led and discipled me, inspired and challenged me, and never once did you divert my full-throttle pursuit of Jesus Christ onto lesser objects. When we're together, we find that the two of us cheer each other on towards Him and towards the glory of God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is that still exhausting? I hope not. It's not meant to be--it's meant to be just a picture of living the Christian life. (Is the Christian life exhausting? Not to the one who knows the grace of God, Isaiah 40:28-31.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A practical point that I think it's important to clear up: Where I said I would "immediately direct you to my father," I think that needs a bit of qualification.

I come from the conservative subculture that embraced courtship. In the two years since I wrote this post, I have come to see some of the unrealistic parts of the model that I grew up with, and realize how some of them were still sticking in my thinking at the time of the original writing and need to be clarified. I imagine this will also help to shed light on anyone pursuing a girl from this background.

I know of a lot of stories where in order to start a courtship, the guy had to know that he wanted to pursue a relationship with the intention that it would end in marriage, and the girl had to say yes to courtship with the knowledge that the guy was pursuing her with the intent to marry her.

The attempt was to avoid "practicing for divorce" by refusing to adopt mere "casual dating," but the unintended result was that many relationships had to go from zero to "practically engaged" with no space in between. This is a huge gap to bridge, and what if you don't know a person well enough yet to know you're ready to go that far? And yet if the only way to have enough access to the person is to start courting, it means the guy has to at least say he's willing to go all the way, and the girl then has to accept based on the idea that it's going to go all the way, and if it doesn't, the couple and all their relatives and friends are heartbroken at the failure, as if it was practically a divorce. And so this whole model ends up tending to commit the exact same error that it set out to avoid.

Therefore I have concluded that it's not necessarily the model I want for my own relationships, particularly in the way that it skips the whole "getting to know you" stage and acts as if it doesn't exist or isn't needed. Case in point: I grew up feeling quite threatened by even the thought of someone asking for my phone number. Looking back, I realize that I felt threatened because I had bought into the courtship model so completely that I myself didn't have a category in my head for "just getting to know you." There was no such thing as that. Why would a guy want to get to know me unless he wanted to marry me?

Now, if a guy came up to me out of the blue to declare his love or state his intention to win my heart, then yeah, I would probably still direct him immediately to my father (and I would be flattered if he was on my eligible list and give him every possible encouragement, or I would be creeped out if he was just a mediocre shallow person or a stranger and I would use the excuse to have my dad do the dirty work and tell him off). BUT--I have come to the realization that most relationships will not start that way, and in fact it would be rare to find any that did. Relationships start way more organically than that. There's a stage at the beginning where you're just getting to know each other, which I didn't always know about.

And so what I want to clarify is that I would NOT immediately direct a guy to my father if he merely asked for my phone number or wanted to go out for coffee. There's a place for casual conversation without trying to turn it into the beginning of a courtship with all the formalities that typically wouldn't come until the time of the engagement.

[Just another whole area where it's easy to overlap and confuse true godliness with mere cultural expectations.]

Spiritual Photosynthesis

He says, "Walk by faith."

I say, "Yes Lord. How do I walk by faith?"

He says, "By looking unto Jesus."

My mind starts imagining walking down the trail and seeing not evergreens and aspens, but Jesus; not mountains, but Jesus; not bighorn sheep and deer and chipmunks, but Jesus; and if I was a cartoon character, you would see the big question mark appear above my head.

He says, "No, it's not like that. It's using a different organ than your eyes. Consider photosynthesis."

The plant is not "seeing." [I had just read in a biochemistry textbook that both vision and photosynthesis happen using the mechanism of an action potential across a membrane. Amazing!] Just by being exposed to the light, the plant conducts photosynthesis. All the machinery is there. All it needs is light. Exposure to the light sets the machinery going and causes air and water to be formed into glucose. The plant is bearing fruit. Out of the most unlikely of materials, sugar! And all because God Himself put the machinery there, and God Himself provides the delivery mechanisms for light, air, and water.

So I just need to be exposed to the light, live in the light, bask in the light.

Jesus is the light.

The key to my fruit bearing is not my exertion, it is my position. Imagine a plant, in the dark, trying to use force to push electrons across the membrane and split water and stick carbon molecules together. That's about as laughable as me trying to bear fruit in my own strength. That would require the plant to have a vast extra number of moving parts that would cost more energy to use than they produced, not to mention the problems of how they would get electrons in the first place, and how all that extra stuff would fit into the cell.

What a difference it makes to simply let the leaf "look" unto the light. Suddenly all the problems disappear as the elegant, compact machinery of photosynthesis hums naturally into action. The light provides the energy. The light, in fact, is the energy, and therefore all the parts work. Does the plant "feel" the effort and the weight of what it is doing? No more than I "feel" the operation of the action potential across the membrane in the cells of my eyes in order to see.

Has not God provided to me the means and the power for bearing fruit? And is it not surely even more efficient and elegant than chlorophyll or mitochondria or rods and cones?

Discerning God's Will for Practical Choices and Direction

Sorting through the ambiguity of popular wisdom 

I have faced some choices lately regarding a couple of opportunities that could take my life in vastly different directions, and I have struggled to be able to discern what was God's will so that I could know what to choose.

In the midst of praying, fasting, and weighing the pros and cons of various options, I never felt like I could come to a clear conclusion. I felt like I was caught in an endless swirling fog of not knowing, second-guessing, and doubting. Which was the right path? Which one was God's will for me? This circumstance seemed to indicate favorably on option A, but what if the timing wasn't right? What if something I couldn't see was coming down the road if I went that direction? Certain other circumstances seemed to indicate favorably on option B, but what if that was God's second-best? What if I was just being led by what I wanted? Then there was always the possibility that it might not be option A or option B, but some unknown option C that I might discover if I waited long enough. I honestly couldn't distinguish between "feeling led" and plain old desire. I would come to a sense of peace about deciding one way or the other, but then I would ask myself, "Is this just because I'm hearing what I want to hear?" And I was thrown right back into the mental turmoil, going around and around in circles and not getting anywhere.

I asked a trusted older Godly woman for counsel and wrote her an email describing the whole story of all the options, all the circumstances, and which way I was leaning in the midst of all of it. I'm pretty sure my confusion leaped from every line. She invited me over to her house and we talked.

Kindly, lovingly, and very pointedly, she asked me a couple of questions.

• Have you studied out the will of God in Scripture? 
• "What examples do we see in Scripture for how people knew what God wanted them to do?"

I replied that I had read some things on knowing the will of God, but that there were so many conflicting opinions it seemed impossible to really figure it out. And regarding Scriptural examples, I offered, "Um, they heard his voice?" 

My friend got more specific. 

• "Where does it say in Scripture that we're supposed to 'feel led' to do something?"
• "Where does the Bible teach that God uses 'a sense of peace' to show a person His will?" 
• "Does the Bible say that circumstances that 'fall into place' are an indication of God's will?"

My mouth fell open. I was speechless.

The Bible doesn't say these things.

This is popular wisdom, but the Bible doesn't actually say it. If this didn't come from Scripture, where did I get it? Where did we all get it? This is common Christianese. I have heard it all my life. But if it isn't Biblical, is it right?

Suddenly, in one moment, all my criteria was reset for discerning the will of God.

So what does the Bible say?

• The Bible clearly reveals God's will for our character. 
• Regarding our choices, there is a lot that is left open.
• Some people received divine leading that was obvious or miraculous 
• Noah being told to build the ark
• Moses at the burning bush
• Paul and Barnabas being separated by the Holy Spirit for missionary work
• In the vast majority of cases, people were left free to choose. 
• Adam and Eve were allowed to choose to eat the fruit or not 
• "Choose you this day whom you will serve" (Joshua 24:15)
• "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life" (Deut. 30:19)
• "Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways." (Prov. 3:31)

The question still remains, though, "How do I choose right?" It's all very well when it comes to choosing between good and evil. That's not hard to discern. The problem comes in when we have a practical, everyday decision that does not present a moral dilemma.

For example:

• Buying a car, a house, or another large purchase (e.g. an instrument, or electronics) 
• Selecting your college major
• Taking a job or changing careers
• Moving to a different place 
• Choosing whom you marry (assuming it's a Christian)

This is the realm where all the subjective, ambiguous popular wisdom often comes into play. "Well, I was just feeling led to do this." "I was considering these two options, but this was the one I had peace about." "I couldn't believe the improbable circumstances that led up to this opportunity, so it must be God's will."

This is also where incorrect thinking can leave you bound, ineffective, and off-track. If you subscribe to unbiblical reasoning, you can end up making a worse decision than an unbeliever in your shoes would make.

What does the Bible say about making decisions in these practical areas?

• God's word offers you the wisdom you need to make good choices (e.g. Proverbs)
• God gives you the responsibility to decide
• You are free to choose
• You are even free to consult your own desire in choosing

My background in conservative Christianity taught me something so opposite to this that it feels almost shocking to even say it. But I believe that if you look at Scripture, it really does support this.

Buying things

"She considereth a field, and buyeth it." (Prov. 31:16)
"And I thought to advertise thee, saying, Buy it before the inhabitants, and before the elders of my people. If thou wilt redeem it, redeem it: but if thou wilt not redeem it, then tell me, that I may know: for there is none to redeem it beside thee; and I am after thee. And he said, I will redeem it. Then said Boaz, What day thou buyest the field of the hand of Naomi, thou must buy it also of Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of the dead, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance...Therefore the kinsman said unto Boaz, Buy it for thee." (Ruth 4:4-5, 8)
Wisdom would counsel you not to go into debt (Rom. 13:8), not to co-sign a loan (Prov. 6:1-5, 11:15, 17:18, 20:16, and 27:13), and not to oppress one another (Lev. 25:14).

Choosing your work

"Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:" (Exo. 20:9)
"Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded." (2 Chr. 15:7, see also Jer. 31:16, Hag. 2:4)
"The people had a mind to work." (Neh. 4:6)
"And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it." (Psa. 90:17)
"Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening." (Psa. 104:23)
"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might" (Ecc. 9:10)
"And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;" (1 Thess. 4:11, see also 2 Thess. 3:10-12)
Wisdom would tell you not to be lazy (Pro. 18:9), to prepare your work (Pro. 24:27), and to not start something you can't finish (Luke 14:28-30).

Moving

"And if a Levite come from any of thy gates out of all Israel, where he sojourned, and come with all the desire of his mind unto the place which the LORD shall choose;" (Deut. 18:6)
"He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him." (Deut. 23:16)

Marrying

"This is the thing which the LORD doth command concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, Let them marry to whom they think best; only to the family of the tribe of their father shall they marry." (Num. 36:6)
"But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned;" (1 Cor 7:28)
"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." (1 Cor. 7:39)

Christian! Dost Thou See Them?

Christian! dost thou see them

On the holy ground,

How the powers of darkness

Rage thy steps around?

Christian! up and smite them,

Counting gain but loss,

In the strength that cometh

By the holy cross.

Christian! dost thou feel them,

How they work within

Striving, tempting, luring,

Goading into sin?

Christian! never tremble;

Never be downcast;

Gird thee for the battle;

Watch, and pray, and fast!

Christian! dost thou hear them,

How they speak thee fair?

“Always fast and vigil?

Always watch and prayer?”

Christian! answer boldly,

“While I breathe I pray!”

Peace shall follow battle,

Night shall end in day.

“Well I know thy trouble,

O my servant true;

Thou art very weary—

I was weary too;

But that toil shall make thee

Some day all mine own,

And the end of sorrow

Shall be near my throne.”

Words: Andrew of Crete, 660-732 (Tr. by John M. Neale, 1818-1866, alt.)

First tune: St. Andrew of Crete. 6.5.6.5 D. (John By. Dykes, 1823-1876)

Second tune: Greek Hymn 6.5.6.5.D (Joseph P. Holbrook, 1822-1888)