The Mysterious Reappearance of Heather Elyse

(This is the story of events that happened four years ago in Haiti. If you missed yesterday's post, please read it first and then come back to this one.)

Early in the morning, the emails started flowing again.

Thursday, Feb 7, 2013 at 5:56 AM [Staff member]
Update:
Ryan F, Nick, and Laura Brown traveled by tap tap to the hotel last night where we stayed. Wesmin was there and very upset. Blamed the Americans (us) for leaving her. Says my kids are safe. Of course I wish we hadn't left but she gave us all clear coherent instructions yesterday morning on what she wanted us to do and we did what she said including Wesmin.
He says Heather was put in an ambulance then transferred to another hospital and he does not know which one.
[A staff member] got us a list of hospitals in Petionville which I sent Ryan F. He said that he visited three and she was not there. They are now with Molier, still looking.
Please pray! Tim any advice? Should you contact the embassy?
Call me if you need to.

6:58 AM [Staff member]
I am so sorry. She was sick but wasn't sure if it was just her normal sick with something else or what. I don't think it's cholera. Whoever finds her, see if they will test for typhoid fever. She was feverish with chills and aches and was complaining of lung/chest stuff but says she always has breathing issues there. She tossed and turned and moaned most of the night and was not feeling well since Monday so I would think if it were cholera it would have taken her out before then. We also traveled all day without stopping for bathroom breaks so again, just didn't seem like it was cholera.  It could be a flu or Haiti funk on top of her other medical stuff.

Heather Found?

Then things seemed to take a positive turn. 

At 7:46 AM, a person named "Claude Murielle" sent an email to Heather's two main email addresses with the subject line, "Found Heather." 

Greetings friends,
My wife and I write you this morning and apologize we couldn't get a letter to you sooner. You see we are not so well adjusted to Internet nor do we keep proper Internet at our house.

We were celebrating our 34 anniversary yesterday and found a near death patient at a gas station trying to buy drinks. She was in coherent and looked like she was going to pass out. We had just exited the hotel OASIS. I am a doctor and my wife is a nurse. We took her to the hospital in Petionville but they would not take her saying she seemed to have Cholera. They transferred her to another hospital who wanted to get her to US. No one would accept her due to clear other issues.

We apologize but we had to go through her purse and belongings to try and find out who she is.

She is a lovely young lady and we can't tell you how blessed we are to have her under our care. I can't believe how many children she has. Please tell the children their mom is in good hands.

We need to know where to return her. She tested positive for cholera and malaria. Also, she has very bad lungs. She is on an IV and we administer antibiotics

We are not kidnappers. We live in Boston and know how Haiti hospitals are. She looked near death and we felt strongly we had to do something.

We adopted a little girl 18 years ago. My wife can't have children. Adoption was what lead us to Christ.

We feel strongly that this young lady we care for has a huge calling. We love looking at all the pictures online. She seems to be a real life angel. We are so happy God bring her to us. We spent most the night crying over her blogging.

We would love to donate and help your organization once we get her better

We need an address to drop her off please.

Again sorry we use her phones and purse.

Dr. CM

There was much rejoicing on the part of the staff at this turn of events. 

Four minutes later, "Claude Murielle" sent another email: 

We will check Internet tonight but there was a Haitian man we called that tried to steal her. We could tell he was lying so we did not release her to him. We knew she would die if someone didn't get her help. So we apologize if this man was good but he seemed like he was lying. We are Haitian born and we know our Haitian brothers very well. 

Of course, everyone interpreted this to mean Wesmin.

One of the staff members immediately emailed this to the thread:

Whoever talks to Wesmin, Please let Him know we are so thankful he went back to check on her. She didn't even want him to. She told him to go back to Club and clear it out in case there was cholera there. Please let him know over and over that no one thinks this is his fault and none of us knew it was this bad. She was more achy sick and i had been in the bathroom more than she had that night so we weren't really sure she had cholera but we kept checking symptoms online to what she had and trying to see if it was close. She was (in her own words) irritable which is a sign but the aches and chest/ breathing was different. She just wanted some juice in the morning and to rest. I would have gotten a ride to the airport or stayed if we thought it was this bad. I feel terrible and wish we would have known. Again, so thankful Wesmin went back to check on her.

Wow. So glad that couple found her. The malaria would make sense now with the extra symptoms.....

Praying for her. I'm glad she was able to be with it enough to share abut herself. Helps us to know she is conscious and still with it.

I just want to apologize to everyone for leaving her. I just really didn't know she was that sick.

In a direct reply to "Dr Claude Murielle," another staff member responded this:

Praise God!!!! We have been worried sick. Is she in the hospital or with you now?
Numbers to call:
Ryan [Number redacted]
[Name redacted] [Number redacted]
[Name redacted] [Number redacted]
[Name redacted] [Number redacted]
[Name redacted] [Number redacted]
Molier [Number redacted]
Thank you for you care!!!! Please respond so we can find her. Thank you sooooo much!

"Claude Murielle" wrote back,

Alrighty so I don't understand why I call all those numbers. That is so many numbers. This is very strange to me. Does she have a husband I can talk too? I did not see one in all her pictures. Who is [name redacted]? I need to talk to someone related. she is with us in our home as a guest. You say you need to find her? How did she become lost in the first place?
Maybe my email was not so clear.
Also, we accidentally answered an email and call. We don't know how to use these phones.
I need to talk to someone related to her. What about husband or kids?
When she wakes I will find out what this email means with all these numbers.
Dr.CM 

The staff member responded, 

Dr
I am sorry I was unclear. I am [name redacted]. I am in America. The numbers I gave are ones of staff and missionaries for our organization. Giving Hope Rescue Mission.
They have been looking for her all night in Port au Prince because she was no longer in the hotel. The hotel front desk told the missionaries she was taken to the hospital but they did not know which one. The President of our organization [name redacted] can contact you or her pastor [name redacted]. Heather is unmarried.
We are so grateful for your care.
Thank you,
[name]

The Embassy

Meanwhile, Ryan and company had driven over to the US Embassy after failing to find Heather all night. Ryan and Nick went inside the embassy, where they were not permitted to use their phones. Ryan was given a sheet of paper and was asked to write a report of the incident. He did so. 

In the meantime, Moliere was waiting outside in the car with Laura when his phone rang. It was one of the Americans, and he handed the phone to Laura. Laura was told about the email that had come through, so she went inside the embassy to inform Nick and Ryan that Heather had been found. 

However, the embassy wanted proof that this was true. Did they have a phone number or address of where she was? No, they didn't. Without that, they couldn't close the case.

The emails continue

8:29 AM [Missionary] 

I have contacted Moliere, who handed the phone to Laura Brown.  I let her know that Heather was found, safe, on the mend from what we know, and in good hands. She went in to try and get Ryan and Nick, so we could stave off any added drama with the Embassy.  

Laura just called saying the Embassy needed confirmation that she's ok - a phone number/address of where she is at.  Which we don't have.  Laura is giving the Embassy my number to get the contact info.  I'll just be honest of what we've heard and the situation.  Pray for God's lead and for no unnecessary drama with embassy action.  

Anna, let me know if you get any contact info for this couple.  I could forward these emails to the embassy - the two from Dr.CM.  

Let us meditate on the ONE who was right there to get Heather at that gas station at the very point of need - he brought earthly ministers for her.  He will carry this whole process through!

8:39 AM [Staff member]

I would suggest that it might be wise to keep in contact with the embassy on this until we hear directly from heather or someone sees her in person and confirms the situation. I believe that God is active in this and is directing you all on the ground with his spirit and discernment. Bless you guys!

9:13 AM [Missionary]
I just spoke with the embassy.  I've forwarded the first email from this doctor and they agree the do not wish to drop the case until we have Heather, have spoken with her or have an address/phone contact.  The embassy finds it strange that this man would not give a number or address, but it's very likely - and judging from their emails - they are being extra careful for her safety.   I trust the Lord will not allow our feet to stumble... and will lead us in the way we should go.  Standing on Psalm 32:8!   Thank you for your caution and insight!

I'm off email now, due to internet, so text of call if I am needed!

9:16 AM [Staff member]
I talked to [person] and [person]. She is calling the hotel Oasis and verifying this man Dr C was/is there.
Thanks

---

9:18 AM [Claude Murielle]
I think I am understanding a little better. Still confused on some issues.  Your email makes clarity.

Haiti is dangerous. The fact the man I called yesterday tried to lie and steal her makes me wee nervous.

 Yes I need to speak to someone directly and yes I want to be the one to drop her off so I can see everything and meet the people who take her and exchange numbers. I want to keep in touch on her care. She needs antibiotics twice a day. She needs liquids every hour. Please add salt and a spoon of sugar to her water.

Where are the kids? Cholera is dangerous and you can die from This. It is a luck she is still alive. She needs an xray on her lungs. Please someone needs to make sure her kids don't have cholera. I don't understand how an American got Cholera.

I need an address and a phone number. I can have her at her house by this Evening at 8 pm. I need to know who the person is I drop her off at and need them to give me their number when they recognize her face. I want the number of these men you say.

Thank you personal assistant.

Dr. CM.

---

9:31 AM [Michelle S]
I just talked to heather. She is OK. Please tell them embassy she is OK. I didn't tell her the embassy was involved or she would have freaked. She said the Dr is going to drop her off.

9:45 AM [Staff member]
Just spoke with the Hotel Oasis. They confirmed that "Dr Claude Murielle" was not a guest and recommended embassy involvement.

They did go to Heather's room and spoke with Wesmin. They seemed suspicious of him, but I assured them that he is someone we trust.

In light of Michelle's email I don't think we should do more with the hotel.

9:46 AM [Michelle S]

Do not contact the hotel please

10:13 AM [Staff member]

Heather is awake talking to Michelle and I, still weak, making plans. Everything is getting worked out. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Anna

10:21 AM [Staff member]

Praise the Lord!

10:28 AM [Staff member]

Such good news. 

In the light of all this, the need for missionaries to have smart phones is very apparent.  I can't imagine how hard it was for those searching for hospitals to be doing so without GPS. Or not being able to keep up with the email conversations going on here. It's very easy to use Natcom or Digicel SIM cards in unlocked iPhones. If it is ok with everyone, Charity and I can create a post to collect iPhones so the missionaries will be better able to communicate with each other, offer updates and so forth. Of course we won't mention Heather's situation in the request but will mention how an hour and the right directions to hospitals could save lives in the future. 

Let me know if this would be ok.

2:35 PM [Staff member]

I have spoken to Heather several times. Everything is okay. Just resting back in Montrouis for now. She will be writing everyone later when she feels better. Thank you for your prayers. 

*end of thread*

Trip back to Montrouis

Once Michelle and another staff member had actually spoken with Heather on the phone and reassured themselves that she was awake and stable, they got word to the embassy that they could close the case and Ryan could go home. 

Moliere drove the group along Route Nacionale #1 back towards Montrouis when they came up behind a familiar green vehicle. 

"That looks like Wesmin's car," Ryan thought. They pulled up beside it to pass them. 

Sure enough, it was. There were Heather and Wesmin in the car together, talking and laughing. Heather appeared perfectly healthy.

The aftermath

Heather accused Ryan of being "totally inappropriate and acting out of line" for his actions in going to seek her in Port au Prince. There was absolutely no recognition of his heroic, self-sacrificing action. Given the light that he had at the time (and assuming that all of the available data was true), the choice NOT to go seek her would have been unconscionable.

---

My humble opinion on interpreting these events 

Looking back from the perspective of four years later, and knowing what I now know, this is what I think about the situation. These are only guesses, but they are the guesses I'm currently applying to make sense of the way things went down.

I think....

• Heather made the whole thing up 
• Heather was with Wesmin the whole time and was dictating to Wesmin what to do and not do (i.e. now stop answering Ryan's texts; now call Michelle S and tell her such-and-such, etc.)
• Heather used a few "real" symptoms that her staff members had seen to make the whole thing believable that she had become so gravely ill so quickly.
• "Claude Murielle" was an invention of Heather and Wesmin together (Heather thinking it up, and Wesmin writing it). They would have opened a gmail account and died laughing over the way they imagined it would go over when it came through. 
• When things looked like they were getting gravely close to being found out (i.e. Americans at the embassy and calling the Oasis hotel), Heather had to call Michelle to "end" the whole joke.

Things that simply don't line up or make sense

• Michelle's very first email: "I was informed that heather was taken to a hospital in port today, for what I am not sure.  Wesmins guess was cholera.  He just told me that she is on an iv and unconscious." 
• This states some very clear facts: "Heather was taken to a hospital in port." There are a finite number of hospitals in port. "Wesmins guess was cholera." If she was admitted to a hospital, there would be no more "guessing" because she would have tested positive or negative. "He just told me that she is on an iv and unconscious." Therefore, Wesmin must have been at the hospital long enough for Heather to not only get admitted, but also get put on an IV and THEN lose consciousness. For Michelle's email to be true, Wesmin must have called her and known all these things.
• Then the story changes, and no one seems to notice the discrepancy. Suddenly, Heather is found incoherently wandering around a gas station. She is fortuitously found by a compassionate person who just "happens" to have this insane combination of characteristics: 
• A doctor
• A Christian
• A person who lives in Boston, but who is also a Haitian, and is also presently in Haiti
• Someone who has adopted a child
• Someone who has medical training, near-fluent English, and a home in the US, yet doesn't know how to operate a smartphone

Other discrepancies from the doctor's email (read this as if Heather is the brains behind it, and suddenly, the whole thing falls apart):

• This doctor ran into Heather who was "near death" despite being presumably upright and walking around at the gas station. People don't typically intervene on behalf of a complete stranger when they are merely "incoherent and look like they are going to pass out." 
• Then he took her to the hospital in Petionville, and the hospital refused to admit her, but still managed to "transfer her" to another hospital that wanted to get her to US, but yet "no one would accept her." 
• This doctor presumably follows Heather through all these transfers, and despite his medical credentials is unable to get her admitted anywhere, so he takes her to his OWN PERSONAL HOME (on his anniversary night, no less), where he puts her on IVs and antibiotics and she goes unconscious.
• This doctor seemingly cares so very much about reuniting Heather with her family that he trespasses on her purse and phone, but he somehow manages to wait all night before attempting to contact anyone. 
• Heather managed to let her cell phone battery die early in the morning despite spending the night at the premier hotel in Port where they have electricity. Yet as soon as the doctor rummages through her purse for the phone, it works perfectly for him to look up who she's connected to. 
• Instead of making a phone call, the doctor chooses to write an email, because that's the most efficient way to get in touch with someone in an emergency, right? 
• The doctor just "happens" to choose from among Heather's thousands of contacts the exact right two email addresses to write to, including Heather's OWN email address, which wouldn't make sense to anyone other than a person who knew that someone else read Heather's email. He manages to do this despite being so clueless about the phone's functionality that he "accidentally" answers a call and replies to an email and has to apologize for this.
• The doctor feels the need to mention, "We are not kidnappers." This is so obviously "Heather's fingerprints" it's like a dead giveaway.

Things that make me feel sick inside over this situation

• All the people who put themselves in danger and lost an entire night's sleep with no thanks or recognition 
• The staff being made to feel horrible and guilty over leaving the country (something that could easily be manipulated later by a clever person into making people waste money and time on changing their ticket, simply because they felt guilty over the last time when they didn't do it) 
• All the urgent requests for prayer over a situation that was FAKE.

Other observations

• You can see here that no one believed that Heather had a husband at this point, contradicting what other people had seen in earlier visits to Haiti.
• Notice that no one questioned the validity of (a) Heather being violently ill (b) Heather's whereabouts being unknown (c) the doctor's blatantly false email (d) Wesmin mysteriously knowing and then not knowing where she was. No one noticed the discrepancies. This is how good Heather was at hiding the fact that she was the one behind all the drama. In hindsight, it seems completely obvious, but in the thick of the situation, there was so much chaos that we simply accepted the data at face value without looking any deeper. 
• Notice, too, how much dirt Heather threw onto Wesmin through this situation. I, for one, took it at face value at the time and felt that if this doctor had mistrusted Wesmin enough to refuse to release Heather to him when he came to pick her up, then Wesmin must be suspicious indeed. 
• Observe Heather's incredible, blatant self-promotion in the doctor's email: "She is a lovely young lady and we can't tell you how blessed we are to have her under our care. I can't believe how many children she has. Please tell the children their mom is in good hands....We feel strongly that this young lady we care for has a huge calling. We love looking at all the pictures online. She seems to be a real life angel. We are so happy God bring her to us.  We spent most the night crying over her blogging....We would love to donate and help your organization once we get her better."
• It's also worth pointing out that this whole situation was supposed to be confidential. Therefore, no one could reach out to the people outside the situation to get a reality check or a healthy dose of skepticism. Even if we had "disobeyed" and shared it, though, it's doubtful if other people's opinion would have made a big enough dent to get us to see the light. I know for myself, I was still very much "drinking the kool-aid" and was therefore largely impervious to outside perspective. For instance, my dad saw right through it (not this situation per se, but the whole Heather thing in general), but I couldn't accept his version of the story for a long, long time. Furthermore, the number of people I respected and trusted who were also believing the story was so high that it bolstered my confidence in a "Heather-favorable" interpretation. How could this many smart and informed people ALL be wrong when they all went through the situation together? Looking back, it is hard to believe how long Heather was able to play this game and how many variations of it she was able to pull off before people stopped believing her.

~

Well, congratulations if you made it through all that. 

What's incredible is that future events made this one seem mild and tame and forgettable by comparison. 

The Mysterious Disappearance of Heather Elyse

Yes, that sounds like a Hardy Boys title. And the story that unfolded was almost Hardy-Boy-esque in its absurdity and unlike-real-life-ness.

So there I was on day 3 of my cholera recovery. I was doing quite well overall, taking it easy, trying to avoid too much contact with other people, and using lots and lots of bleach. Bleach and I became very good friends during that episode.

I had spent the night hooked up to an IV bag after receiving such kindness and great treatment from the clinic in Cabaret. In the morning, I was feeling much better due to being rehydrated, and the diarrhea had slowed way down due to the Cipro knocking it out. I still had quite a bit of abdominal pain, but I was able to drink normally and keep everything down. I didn't eat a lot, but just took it easy and rested most of the day.

One of the important things with cholera is not reinfecting yourself, and regular soap doesn't kill it, so you have to use bleach. The nurses had taught me the proper bleach-to-water ratio. By 4:00 Wednesday afternoon, I was amazed to discover the energy to bleach all my clothes, clean the bathroom, wipe down my entire floor with bleach (even moving the bed and all the furniture), and do all the laundry for my bleached clothes, bedding, towels, and cleaning rags.

Funny story--I had soaked my clothes in bleach water for the obligatory ten minutes, and I had taken them to the laundry room, where they had been through the washer and were just finishing in the dryer. When the dryer finished, I went in to pull the clothes out. Some guy I didn't know was in the laundry room, too, putting clothes in the washer. "Hi," I mumbled. "Hola," he said. "Hola," I said back. Then his eyes widened and he did a double take. "Wow! Are you ok?"

"Oooohhhhh," I realized. "I must look like a fright! I should have waited until he was gone before I came in here. I forgot what I must look like to people." There I was, greasy hair, bare feet, no makeup, and IV tubes still dangling out of my arm, affixed with big obvious X's of white tape. "Yeah, I'm ok," I said as nonchalantly as possible. "I'm going to be fine," and with that I swept my clothes out of the dryer and high-tailed it back to my room. Aaaah! Embarrassing!

---

For some context on what was about to unfold, a couple of Heather's staff members had come down to Haiti for a short visit. They were going to fly out early on Feb 6th, so they had left Montrouis the day before and went to Port au Prince to spend the night in the Oasis hotel, where they would be closer to the airport for their flight in the morning.

Heather and Wesmin went with them.

~

Towards evening on the 6th, Ryan F came down to my room.

"We've got a problem," he said. "Heather wasn't feeling well after the group went to the airport this morning. She thinks she may have cholera. She was texting early on in the day, but the battery on her phone died. Wesmin was with her initially, but now he doesn't know where she is. For a while he was texting me, but now even he has stopped answering his texts. A group of us are leaving now to try to find her. I'm taking a Tap-tap to Port tonight with Laura Brown and Nick."

"Whoa!" I said. "Can I go?"

Ryan hesitated. I realized that only a few hours earlier I had been hooked up to an IV for my cholera.

"Never mind," I corrected myself. "What am I thinking? Well, I'll be praying for you."

Ryan departed. I remember being struck with how I had never thought of just how difficult it would be to find someone who had gotten lost in a city in a foreign country if they were sick and their phone battery died. I wondered how Ryan could possibly find her. It is well known in Haiti that it is not safe or recommended to drive after dark, and especially not late at night, in Port au Prince, and I knew Ryan was risking his neck to go and look for Heather.

Then the emails started flowing.

At 5:40 PM, Michelle S sent an email out to all the missionaries and staff.

Hello staff,
I was informed that heather was taken to a hospital in port today, for what I am not sure. Wesmins guess was cholera. He just told me that she is on an iv and unconscious. Please pray. Please keep it amongst the staff. I don't want any of our adoptive parents to panic and you know how private a person heather is ;)
I will keep everyone updated, but please pray fervently.

5:41 PM: [Staff member]
"yes, will start praying and won't stop until we hear that she is fully recovered."

5:46 PM: [Staff member]
"Yes, of course. Praying wholeheartedly and fervently. Thank you for updating us and for all you do, Michelle."

6:05 PM: [Staff member]
"Been praying all day. She was not well when we left this morning. :("

9:02 PM: [Staff member]
...She was sick when we left at 5:30am but insisted we all go. She told us that she needed juice and so Wesmin bought some at the gas station. She said that she just wanted to sleep and that she would decide when Wesmin returned if she needed to go to the hospital. We had two cars at the Oasis hotel. The new red one and green Mazda. We were in the green Mazda today because it's the only one with a working air conditioner.
Heather was not able to answer texts. Her phone batteries were dead. She emailed Wesmin at 11:45am saying she needed to go to the hospital. My guess is that he arrived there at that time or soon after based on when he dropped us off at the airport.
I talked to Ryan F and told him the situation and to go find them. When I landed i received the text that said he was headed to Port with Nick and Laura to look for them. Received a text from Wesmin that he sent while I was in the air that said he was worried sick. She was in the hospital with iv. He didn't mention what hospital.
I wish we would have stayed.....ughhhh
Exhausted myself, but feeling fine.

~

Meanwhile, Ryan and the crew who went to Port had managed to get in touch with Moliere, a Haitian driver who had reliable vehicles. We often hired him for airport runs and other things. The group left the tap tap behind, and Moliere drove them to the Oasis hotel, the last place where Heather had been seen. The front desk told them that Heather had checked out that morning, but that Wesmin had reserved his room for another night and was still there.

Ryan dialed Wesmin's room number from the front desk telephone. Wesmin picked up the phone and acted enraged that he was being contacted. He refused to come down to the lobby, and he said he was with a woman and wasn't about to leave her alone to go down and talk to Ryan.

Unsuccessful on that front, they spent the whole night driving from hospital to hospital in Port au Prince, asking if Heather had been admitted there and not finding her. Laura Brown is a nurse who is fluent in Creole and has extensive work experience in Haitian hospitals, so she was an invaluable resource to them in this endeavor.

No luck. None of the hospitals had her.

~

MANY people back in the US hit their knees for fervent prayer. Some of them would faithfully continue all night.

~

I went to bed and slept all through the night, which I considered to be a quick and dramatic answer to prayer for my recovery from cholera.


Continued tomorrow at 9:00 AM EST.

The Progression of Control in Spiritual Abuse

How I Saw Spiritual Abuse Progress

In the experience I had with Heather Elyse, I was lured gently and inevitably down a path of giving up more and more control without ever realizing it, until I was behaving out of fear and uncertainty at every turn. Here is the pattern that it followed.

Earliest Stage: Give up trivial things 

The first stage of being swept into the net of control really didn't look like being controlled at all. In this stage, we were asked to give up things that we really didn't care one way or the other about, or things that were too insignificant to raise your hackles.

• Photos. I was taking a lot of photos when I first arrived, but Heather immediately instructed me not to post them, telling me that Hague convention prohibits photos of children who are up for adoption. I had no clue that there even was such a thing as the Hague Convention, so I just accepted her word as true. 
• Adoptive parents. I was told over and over that I was not to have any contact with the adoptive parents. I was not to make any attempt to get to know them, and I was to refuse to approve any of their friend requests on facebook. However, these people were all strangers that I didn't have a burning desire to get to know, so it didn't seem like a big deal. I also didn't have any context or background for what was involved in an adoption, so I didn't have a framework for what a "normal" adoption should look like. (The effort to obey this command, however, did prove to be detrimental, as I could never keep the adoptive parents straight or figure out who went with which children. Instead, "adoptive parents" morphed in my mind into a somewhat faceless collective group rather than individual people.)
• Wesmin. At the beginning of my time in Haiti, I was explicitly told not to talk to Wesmin, not to get to know him, not to have any contact with him, and to avoid him. However, this was easy to do, because my daily routine didn't throw me into Wesmin's way very much. 

Hypocrisy on the rules about these same trivial things 

• Photos. Heather retained the authority to make an "exception" for which photos could be posted, so one day I was allowed to post a picture of all my schoolchildren on my blog. At the time, I failed to notice the point that if it was ok to do it one one occasion, it was not true that it was really forbidden. Or if it was really forbidden, it was not ok to do it even once. Heather therefore subtly established herself as being "above the rules" in that department. 
• Photos were also wielded as a control mechanism towards adoptive parents. Take photos only of the children when they're dressed in gorgeous clothes and hairbows. Don't take pictures of children with skin sores or snotty noses. Don't post photos. Don't allow adoptive parents to have any access to photos. Don't share photos with anyone. Share a regular photo update of the children, but withhold the photos of any kids who belong to parents who aren't "waiting well." (And because I had no contact with adoptive parents, I had no context or basis for how to evaluate what "waiting well" even meant, and had to take it at face value, too.)

Villainizing innocent parties

• Creche staff - Even before I got to Haiti, Heather was bashing her Haitian staff to us. "The Haitian nannies don't nurture the children. They leave everything a mess. They have no clue how to make kids thrive the way Americans do. etc. etc. etc." 
• Wesmin - Heather stated to us single ladies that Wesmin was not to be trusted, that he had a dirty mind, that he was not a godly man, that he was into pornography, and that we should stay as far away as possible from him. She created fear and distrust by her words without us ever getting to know Wesmin for his own sake. I still don't know the truth about Wesmin, but I suspect that he is one of the people that we ought to feel sorry for the most. Looking back, I wonder if Heather manipulated and used him more than almost anyone else.
• Adoptive parents - Adoptive parents were constantly being labeled as "crazy," "making trouble," or "creating drama," and there was a seeming attempt to create a great deal of animosity and distrust against them. 
• Birth parents - Every month on the 15th, the birth parents would come to visit their children. People would fill the creche yard, sitting with their children and visiting quietly with them. Perhaps they would bring a popsicle or a bag of chips to share with the child. But instead of being able to see the beauty of it, Heather cast a cloud of annoyance on this visit, considering it a nuisance and claiming that people trashed the place and created a huge waste of time on that day. Birth parents were also being constantly labeled as "crazy," which was one of Heather's favorite terms for anyone who was not currently in her good graces. 
• IBESR - the Haitian government's child protective services division. IBESR was also "crazy" and was mentioned with an eye roll or a bad attitude.
• The Haitian government - The government of Haiti was also met with contempt and disrespect, and while I know there are valid charges of corruption towards Haiti's government, there was seemingly no respect even for procedures that were relatively standardized and efficient.
• Haitians in general - Haitians in general were villainized as being lazy, good for nothing, drug addicts, and voodoo worshipers. Again, there are some bad people in Haiti, but the population as a whole was given an unduly broad-brush negative stereotype.
• Other adoption agencies and orphanages. Right next door to our creche, there was another orphanage run by a Christian woman, and yet we were told that she was "crazy" and that we shouldn't go over there or get to know her. The same held true for another organization that was just around the corner from our creche. Therefore, we were isolated right off the bat from other helpful Americans who could have served as an early warning signal for some of the things that they could tell weren't right. 
• Local churches - When we arrived in Haiti, we were specifically instructed not to attend any of the local churches. We were told they were bad, off-base, and full of needless drama. I didn't get to attend a Haitian church until March 17, but when I did, I found it to be delightful. 

Middle Stage: Shutting Down Information Sharing

Then it moved to information.

• "Don't share that." 
• "They weren't supposed to know that."
• "You weren't supposed to say that." 
• "You aren't allowed to share that."

To this day, I'm not "allowed" to be sharing what I'm sharing about the whole experience, but I have chosen to boldly disregard that order and thus throw off the remaining traces of authority that I was still granting Heather over me by me keeping silent.

When I was in the middle of the experience, I remember being disoriented and bewildered by the amount of information that was "not allowed to be shared." It was so unpredictable and so extensive, and "classified information" was often in so many innocent, innocuous categories. I was left thinking, "HOW could anyone ever predict that they weren't allowed to say that???" But the effect of long-term, repeated run-ins with getting in trouble for saying something "wrong" was that everyone quickly concluded that no one was ever allowed to share anything with anybody. And so communication quickly shut down.

Fear of invoking Heather's displeasure over telling something that wasn't supposed to be shared grew to such an extent that in July of 2013, two other girls and I were living in the US in the same house, and Heather was in Haiti, and yet we were all mutually afraid to tell each other if one of us had received an email from Heather, lest the other two were "not supposed to know about it." How she wielded this much fear from another country, over adult women, is still mind boggling to me.

Looking back on it now, though, it makes total sense that everything had to be kept a secret. There were so many lies flying around that Heather could only continue to operate by keeping people in the dark about what was going on. If people could communicate freely with each other, they would have a chance to see the lie, and she would be found out.

The genius of Heather's operation, though, was that she so carefully crafted each lie that she was the last person that any of us suspected to be the instigator of it all. Like a master ventriloquist, she successfully projected the blame onto other parties and hid behind such a believable facade of innocence that the outrage never landed on her. In situation A, she contrived to have the Haitian nannies be the enemy. In situation B, it was Jasmine who "ought to be fired." In situation C, it was Wesmin who was to be feared and distrusted. In situation D, it was the adoptive parents. In situation E, it was the Haitian government. And on and on it went. Dancing a dance like this must have been thrilling and terrifying all at the same time for Heather as she gambled to see how far she could push the envelope and still get away with it.

I will just take a moment to say to anyone reading this: If you ever find yourself in any organization where everyone is operating under a culture of fear, secrecy, and withholding of information, GET OUT. You are unequivocally in a dangerous environment of spiritual abuse. It will be costly to get out. It will take courage. You will have so many swirling clouds of conflicting information, you might not know which way is up. If this is the case for you, please get in touch with me so we can talk. But GET OUT without delay.

Late Stage: Abuse and control are essentially complete

• The leader begins to demand unquestioning loyalty, and threatens (or performs) outright rejection of anyone whose loyalty is suspect
• The abuser begins to aggressively expand their jurisdiction, claiming new areas where they have a "right" to give orders and be obeyed. They often do this by simply expanding the scope and dimension of the orders they are giving, and when they see obedience, they accept this tacit agreement that they have authority in that area, and there is no going back. 
• The leader begins to give illogical orders, but they are accepted without question. For example: "No visitors are authorized to visit the creche any more." "The creche in Pierre Payen is a secret creche. Don't tell anyone of its existence under any circumstances." 
• The followers begin to have to perform extreme mental gyrations in order to justify to themselves that there is a valid explanation for what is going on. For instance, during that time, I consoled myself by saying, "Well, the enemy even accuses God of lying, so if accusations of Heather lying are flying around, it's only consistent with the pattern of the enemy."
• When the leader senses an impending departure of the followers due to how crazy things are getting, the leader uses blackmail as leverage to keep the followers in line. In the case of Heather, she used adoptive children as blackmail over the adoptive parents who loved them, threatening to cancel the adoption, taking away the children, hiding the children, or otherwise manipulating people through what she would do (or did do) with their children. 

~

I just reread the article by Tara Livesay on their side of the perspective on what happened when they came into the creche with the Cox's. I was taken aback by the vision of myself as a fearful, unsure person who was under the sway of so much control. Yet when I was in the midst of the situation, I didn't know I was exhibiting fear. I remember how I felt that day that I saw the Livesays at Club Indigo, and I would have rejected a "fear" label as preposterous. Me, afraid? I would have scoffed at the idea. I remember the next time I saw the Livesays when they came in to the creche with the Cox's to look for their son. Again, I remember how I felt, and I would have never though of myself as fearful. Nay, I was bold and nonchalant to walk out of the house and go over and stand by Tara and talk to her. "Me, afraid? Never."

How strange! How can a person feel unafraid while at the same time manifesting fear? If I wasn't the person who lived through it, I would say it wasn't possible. But looking back, it's clear to me that I was exhibiting fear that day, I was under the sway of undue control, and whether I felt it or not, I was.

I make this point to emphasize the fact that people who have gotten sucked into spiritual abuse without realizing it are very often blind to the fact. They can't see the obvious. I couldn't. In February and March of 2013, I was still passionately defending Heather. It would be many months before my eyes would be opened, and that only after seeing a mountain of damning evidence. Being in a situation of spiritual abuse feels confusing and chaotic. You are under the influence of a master manipulator, a spin-doctor who can easily and deftly come up with the most compelling reasons in the world why black is white and white is black. As counter intuitive as it seems, it feels impossible that the detractors have any logic, so you dismiss their side of the story.

If someone you love has gotten caught in the vortex of spiritual abuse, don't be surprised if they can't see the truth. You will be frustrated with them for not being able to see the obvious, but don't let that frustration build a rift between you. When your loved one finally does emerge, they will need their "before-abuse" relationships to be intact and a safe place to recover.

~

There's so much more. Tracing the progression of control in spiritual abuse is tracing only one layer of a multifaceted experience that didn't come with labels attached to cut-and-dried categories. You live life in a story, but you retell it after the fact piece by piece in categories. There are other layers yet to peel back. Stay tuned. 

Haiti in Retrospect: Introduction

Exactly four years ago, on January 17, 2013, I was unpacking my stuff after returning to Haiti for the second time. I had spent three months (Sept - Dec) teaching school in an orphanage, and I had gotten malaria in December and returned to the US for a month to recover. Then I went back to Haiti to finish out my time until May.

This second time in Haiti kicked off one of the most difficult, bewildering, disorienting seasons of life that I've ever walked through. It has taken me these 4 years just to gain a semblance of perspective, begin to evaluate what exactly happened, and to have the courage to share it publicly.

Context

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, there was a dramatic rise in the instances of cholera in the country. Fox news reported that there were more than 3000 confirmed cases by the end of October, and the disease continued to spread, until by January, it reached our creche. If it was just a disease outbreak, it would have been one thing. Yes, it would have been an emergency, and people would have worked hard and gotten less sleep and gone through an intense period of effort to bring about recovery, but that would have been all. For me and for the others around me, there was much, much more to it than that. The cholera outbreak was just a medical emergency. But something worse than cholera was infecting the way things were being run as a whole. Over the next few months, I would witness spiritual abuse, hypocrisy, and deception at the highest level, and it was being so skillfully done that we didn't see it until it was too late to prevent the damage.

In December of 2012 when I went home from Haiti, I was walking on clouds. I remember thinking, "I've found the thing that is worth living for above all other things. There is nothing higher or better that I could pursue. I don't need to experiment, guess, or or try other career paths. I am already enjoying the most satisfying life of all." And yet, only a few months later, I had been caught up into a web of so many lies, such clever deception, and such blatant deceit, that I would find myself asking in my journal if it was possible that the whole Christianity thing was just a fraud, too.

The reason for all of this confusion was that the founder of the orphanage where I was working was a fraud, and I didn't yet know it.

Heather Elyse Savage (who now goes by the name of Heather Matranga) was the founder and director of Giving Hope Rescue Mission. I worked for Giving Hope as a schoolteacher at the orphanage from September through May (2012-2013). I considered Heather a friend, even if I didn't think she considered me as an equal. I admired the work she was doing and thought it was legitimate. And then I saw her wreak havoc and leave a trail of carnage in her wake. None of the lives that her life touched were unaffected. Some were hurt worse than others (and I think I somehow escaped the most unscathed of anyone), but everyone was wounded. The spiritual abuse and hypocrisy that I was exposed to in being part of her organization left an indelible mark on me.

In the intervening time, I have come to see that some of the things that I walked through are also consistent with a larger pattern. Other people also operate in a similar way, and there are vocabulary words for the actions that form part of that pattern.

When you read the upcoming journal entries about the cholera experience, keep in mind that these journal entries were written at the time I was going through it. I didn't yet see the pattern. I didn't yet know the extent of what I was involved with. I still trusted Heather and thought that she was acting in everyone's best interest. The only thing that has been edited in after the fact are the handful of interspersed comments on the lessons I learned, that, looking back, I can see as mismanagement (or worse) all along.

Ultimately, while there is little in the way of redemption that is visible to me so far, I hope to trace the story of God's hand through it all. In little ways, I can see glimpses of what God was doing, though I cannot yet see the fuller picture of how He will finally work all things for good.

The journey starts in two days, when I tell the story of my experience with the babies that had cholera in Port-Au-Prince.